Category: children

children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Have Smack-Down, Will Travel

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Table football (Bonzini style table).
Image via Wikipedia

We were at the gym as a family.  Even though Full Speed grumbled over having to go to the kids’ zone it was still a mostly successful outing.  As we were wrapping things up to head to lunch, Mad Dog received a work call.  While he was resolving the issue at hand, I grabbed the boys and headed to the foosball table in the gym’s common area.   The game between the boys started off nicely enough and then their competitive spirit had things heading south in a hurry.  A physical altercation was brewing and I saw some karate chops to the head in T.Puzzle’s near future. When Mad Dog was finally able to join us he made the snap decision that we needed to get out of there fast.  I didn’t see the hurry because my boys are going to be crazy no matter where they are.  Foosball table or not, smack-downs will happen.  Mad Dog completely agreed with me (smart man).  However, he thought it was best to relocate to a place where nobody would recognize us.

Good call.

children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Long Questions about Short Arms

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Full Speed and T.Puzzle catching up on some dino-facts.

In our home the questions are relentless.  When I’m about to eat a nice brunch at a lovely dining establishment I don’t really want to ponder why carnivorous dinosaurs have tiny arms.  Yes, meat-eating dinosaurs can be quite large and yes, some of these have oddly sized chicken arms.  Do I need to discuss this at length?  No.  Do I even know that much about dinosaurs?  Not really.  Should I consider pursuing an advanced degree in paleontology?  To save my sanity probably yes.  Once we all were seated at the lovely dining establishment and about to peruse our menus, Full Speed says, “Mom, Mom, Mom!”  He’s holding a miniature plastic dinosaur in his hand as he attempted to grab my attention.

“Hold it right there, Full Speed.  Didn’t I already tell you that I addressed the short-armed meat-eating dinosaur situation?  I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Full Speed bravely proceeds and says, “Yes, I know but I’m not talking about that anymore.  I’m talking about the PLANT-eating dinosaur.  See?  His arms are super short, too.”

Touche’!

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children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Lights Out

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This morning at Full Speed’s school there was a black-out.   The timing could not have been worse.  It happened only an hour before the start of school so there was not enough time to notify parents.  A teacher approached us and told us the situation.  Apparently around 7 in the morning a transformer had caught fire and the entire school lost power.  As a Mom of boys the first thought that popped in my head was ‘why was there a Transformer  (i.e. Bumblebee and/or Optimus Prime) on fire and why did it make the whole school go dark?’

I clearly need to get out more.

children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

So Proud!

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Every parent has moments when they are proud of their children.  It might be an ‘A’ on a test they worked really hard for or holding the door open for someone without being told.

This was not one of those times.

T.Puzzle decided he didn’t feel like listening to his teachers all day long (what a shocker!).  They told him since he couldn’t listen he was going to have to sit by the wall for afternoon recess and not be able to play.  They told me that he looked at them and announced that it didn’t matter because his Mom was picking him up early.  He wasn’t even going to be here for recess.

What’s the opposite of pride?  How I felt right then.

Guess who lost all their privileges and had to sit out recess the next morning?

T.Puzzle and Mad Dog. Both handsome and both don't like to be told what to do.
children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Count Me Out

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Full Speed has a tendency to wake up angry. He naturally channels this anger at his brother which often culminates in physical violence. Full Speed was feeling extra saucy this morning and released a flurry of kicks and punches upon his brother. When it came time to brush teeth Full Speed had managed to stop the physical attacks (thanks to some threats and coaching from Mom). Instead, he attempted to keep his little brother intimidated by striking a menacing pose topped off with a fierce grimace. After being mostly whiny (and who can blame him?) T.Puzzle had enough and finally fought back landing a blow squarely on Full Speed’s stomach. At this point I didn’t care who started it, who kept it going or whatever.

“Guys, knock it off. The next person that hits or kicks their brother is getting their first strike of the day. You know the rule, hands and feet to yourselves while we brush teeth.”

Full Speed denied any culpability and surprisingly didn’t throw T.Puzzle under the bus, “Mom, T.Puzzle used his elbow so it doesn’t count.”

That’s when Mom started to count to keep her own aggression at bay.

I ended up counting to a million and seven.