Category: gratitude

gratitude, happiness, mommyhood

Anything is Possible

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Despite the hectic day of a sick T.Puzzle, bed delivery, and feeling quite tired; I had to pick-up Full Speed from school. The day prior, my good friend had dropped off a home-cooked meal for us and let us borrow her movie rental of ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.’ She is a lifesaver. I wanted to save her some time so while I was out getting Full Speed, I wanted to return the movie.

We pull-up to the Winn-Dixie where I know there is a Red Box Movie drop-off. I tell Full Speed that I am returning the rented movie, that he can see me from his window at all times and I will only be a minute (he doesn’t like to be left in the car without me even for a few seconds). Turns out that this particular Red Box was down and a kind stranger told me to head to Wal-Mart which is nearby. For the Red Box at Wal-Mart we have to park and walk into the store (just the entry part with the carts). I give Full Speed the movie to hold as his ‘job’, grab his hand and then heave not-so-little T.Puzzle on my hip.

As we are walking to the store, Full Speed keeps asking over and over about where I “grunted” the movie. I have no idea what he is talking about as I am trying to keep everyone safe from all the cars and people. When I have a moment where I can catch my breath and think, I finally understand what he means. I say, ‘Oh, you mean RENTED not GRUNTED.” Full Speed is clearly relieved that he finally got his point across.

“I didn’t rent the movie, Miss Kelly did. She was kind enough to share it with you and T.Puzzle when she generously brought us over dinner. She is a kind friend, don’t you think?”  Full Speed agreed.

Then we turn to the Red Box and I coach him through how to insert the movie and we are a success. I turn and give him a high-five and he giggles at his simple accomplishment that Mom is making into a big deal.

I grab his hand and we make the turn to head to our truck. A woman near us stops us. “You are the sweetest family!” she genuinely says. I’m taken aback. I resist the urge to look behind me to see if she is talking to another family.

Who knew my clan had the ability to be referred to as sweet? If this is the case, than truly anything is possible.

gratitude, happiness, kids, mommyhood

End of an Era

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I must be in shock. I am not feeling sad that little T.Puzzle’s crib is disassembled and gone. I thought it would be harder. Maybe I’ll feel an aftershock at some point.

I think I’m adjusting well to this transition for three reasons. First, we put it off for so long and the thing was on back-order for so long, that I was thankful it was finally here. I kept picturing T.Puzzle telling his future therapist that his Mom kept him in a crib until he was sixteen. Secondly, he’s a big kid and his crib was frail. I was certain there would be a horrible crash in the night and Mad Dog and I would find T.Puzzle buried under the collapsed rubble of his crib alive, but visibly disoriented. And the third reason is that a part of me way deep down in the secret vaults of my Mommy reality; I never, ever, ever, ever (am I making myself clear?) again want to have a newborn as a permanent resident of my home. So the crib leaving my house was symbolic that my newborn days are forever behind me. It didn’t feel sad, it felt like freedom. I often wonder if that ‘i want a baby’ feeling eventually comes or if I will have any regrets. I’ll let you know just as soon as I send little T.Puzzle on his way to college.

It’s the end of an era. My little guy loves his new bed.

children, gratitude, loss of parent, self-discovery

Happy New Year

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2009 was a landmark year for me. In the spring I lost my mother to cancer, and then into the fall my oldest son, Full Speed, braved two tedious eye surgeries and came through with much improved vision. The event that shaped the year the most was the loss of my mother. The grief process has been long and complicated. I have learned that the more you love someone, the harder it is to let go of them no matter how complex the relationship was while they were here. I also learned that the more you have to rely on your own strength to get through a day, the more you realize you actually have a lot more than you initially thought.

The most exciting and anxiety producing moments revolved around Full Speed’s eye surgeries. I learned that when you don’t know the ultimate outcome of a medical situation to always choose hope. It gets you through the moment and when you realize your most desperate prayer has been heard, you feel a mixture of relief and a certainty that you knew it would be alright all a long.

As for T.Puzzle, as much as I resisted it, the terrible twos will keep on going into the threes. Most likely I will have to wait until he is five before I can safely and confidently take him in public. I had always wished my second child would be slightly easier to manage and in some ways he is, but ultimately an even-tempered child is not in the cards for me.

Having survived loss, uncertainty, tantrums and joy, I am most grateful to have the ultimate partner in parenthood and marriage, Mad Dog. When I started my little blog that could several months ago, Mad Dog’s support has been a constant source of comfort and inspiration. His patience as I grieve for my Mom and my attempts to successfully parent our boys is remarkable. I love that I am creating a life with a man I love so much.

And, last but certainly not least, is this amazing blog. I started it for the simple reason that writing for me is like breathing. It is an absolute joy for me to sit at my computer and share my thoughts. As a stay-at-home mom it gives me a voice. I hope that my readers can find themselves in this voice. Hopefully you can relate, if not I hope that at least you can find the humor that surrounds us always. I’m excited to see where my boys take me in this New Year (hopefully not to the looney bin) and I hope you keep on reading.

Whether you are a man or woman, married or single, or a parent or not, life’s adventures always have a universal theme of love connecting them together. All anyone ever wants is to love and be loved. Everything else is just gravy.

gratitude, happiness, kids, mommyhood

To All A Good Night!

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As we prepared our home for Santa’s arrival there was much discussion concerning the placement of his cookies. Full Speed reasoned that we put them in his line of sight directly across from our fireplace. He was very analytical about it and very sure. He stood in front of the fireplace and reenacted what Santa’s point of entry would look like to prove the accuracy of the cookie placement. And, prove it he did.

T.Puzzle threw his two cents in by imitating Santa’s laugh all through the day. ‘Ho, Ho, Ho,’ could be heard from one end of the house to the other. I believe his belly even shook a little like a bowl full of jelly.

Late in the day we settled in front of the television outfitted in our superhero pjs. With popcorn in hand we watched the movie ‘The Santa Clause’. Somehow, it managed to capture their attention for its entire length. That is a Christmas miracle in and of itself.

Then it was time for the official reading of ‘Twas the Night before Christmas.’ I don’t know why I torture myself into having this tradition. One year Mad Dog had to hold Full Speed upside down dangling in front of the book to keep him interested.  T.Puzzle was a babe at the time and fussed throughout. Last year went more smoothly but not quite the peaceful reading I had imagined. This year, they were more invested but it was about three pages too long. I really need to find a shorter version so my boys stay put. Something like, ‘Twas the night before Christmas and to all a good night,’ just might be the ticket.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

children, gratitude, health, mommyhood

Reason for the Season

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Despite all the holiday commotion, I managed to squeeze in T.Puzzle’s three year wellness check-up. It went exactly as I thought it would…., horrible. First of all he’s in good health so that wasn’t the problem, it was his behavior. Going in I figured I had a 50/50 shot of him being compliant and the odds didn’t fall in my favor. He was so defiant when the nurse tried to evaluate his vision and hearing she decided to ‘pass until his four year check-up’. So as of right now the pediatrician has no quantifiable evidence that T.Puzzle has the ability to see or hear.

After a few level 8 meltdowns and much cajoling on my part, T.Puzzle successfully completed the rest of the exam. Praise the Lord there were no booster shots this time around! I don’t think we would have made it through unless one of the shots included some form of sedation (for him not me…., well, beggars can’t be choosers, really).

So, my T.Puzzle is healthy and my Full Speed is growing up fast. He had the opportunity to go to ‘work’ with Mad Dog. He took it very seriously. He was dressed to the nines and had his work bag packed with books, games and some cars. He knew the weight of his father’s job rested on his shoulders (apparently he had to take several breaks when he was at the office obviously feeling the pressure). He was very proud to ‘help’ his Dad.

On the way home from work they stopped at the mall where you can ride the train (you all know it’s my favorite) and they picked out some ornaments for me and T.Puzzle. Mine was personalized and said I was the ‘Best Mom’. Even though most days I don’t feel anywhere near my best, it helps when you have someone like your own child who believes in you. No matter the season, reason or temperament, I am loved.