Category: kids

kids

humor, kids, motherhood

Isn’t That Great?

WFAM
IMG_0050
At this age T.Puzzle would  unabashedly express his undying adoration for me.  I miss those days.

As I watched T.Puzzle pummel his clothes into submission, there was little I could do to improve his laundry folding techniques.  Neatness was not the objective here.

I let it go.

This is the key to happiness in life and in motherhood.

In this house, especially in regards to T.Puzzle, it also helps to have thick skin.  You see T.Puzzle was born without a filter. While he is softening the crusty edges of his soul a bit as he grows older, he still needs direction when it comes to matters of the heart.  I decided to take it upon myself to share a little guidance when it comes to signing my upcoming Mother’s Day card.

“Keep in mind, try not to only highlight the things I do for you, but rather what about me as a person that you love.”

Immediately, a lightbulb went off and he shared his plans to sign his card to me this way:

“Thank you for giving birth to the greatest human alive.”

Wow.  I really am special.

Here’s to hoping all your ‘greatest humans alive’ honor you in the way you so deserve.

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

family, humor, kids, motherhood

What’s For Dinner?

WFAM

ry=400

I am taking this opportunity to announce my plans to officially change my name to:

What’s For Dinner

Why you may ask?

This is because I have been asked this question so many times a new neural pathway has formed in my brain convincing me that this, in fact, must be my name.

News flash:

It isn’t.

The point I’m making is that a sure-fire way to get on my bad side is to ask me:

‘What’s for dinner?’

It isn’t that I’m opposed to the question in a general sense, but if that is the question you lead with 999 times out of a thousand, I’m not keen to respond in a pleasant manner.  At least lead in with a ‘How was your day?’ or ‘Your yoga pants are particularly stylish today’.

Therefore, after a long night up with a dog with seemingly endless diarrhea (it all came out fine in the end), I explained to T.Puzzle over his after school snack I may have a short fuse as the evening progressed.

“So, I shouldn’t ask you what’s for dinner?”

And so he lived to see another day.

children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Dramatic Effect

WFAM

IMG_4936

I don’t enjoy being one of those moms who focuses on their children’s academic achievements.  I try very hard to stay in my own lane and thankfully, my boys seem to have a handle on their academics.  However, I have an Achilles heel:

Full Speed’s math grade

He sailed along until fifth grade.  Then he came to an abrupt halt, adjusted his sails and kept going.  Same deal in sixth grade, he had a bit of a rough start, the teacher intervened and then all was well.  In fact so well, he got into honors Algebra for his seventh grade year.  I thought that meant he had the chops to handle it.  And he mostly does, but sometimes, he just doesn’t.  Where I struggle is that my intuition screams loudly that it isn’t a lack of ability, it is a lack of effort.  Can I get an amen?

Regardless, after a very up and down 1st-3rd grading periods, Full Speed managed to harrowingly acquire a ‘good’ grade thus far.  As Full Speed gets set to head into the fourth and final grading period for honors Algebra, I asked him if he would consider putting in his maximum effort upfront as opposed to the rollercoaster performance in which he seems to gravitate towards. His reply?

“Where’s the drama in that?”

 

 

 

Chicago Cubs, children, humor, kids, motherhood

No Lie

WFAM

IMG_0326

T.Puzzle has to write a speech to be performed in front of his class.   Thankfully, like his brother before him, he is fairly at ease with public speaking so this is not the challenge.  The challenge is coming up with a topic.  No lie, these are the highlights from the actual list we generated.  The ones in bold are my ideas, the ones in italics are T.Puzzle’s:

  •  Adopting our rescue dog
  • T.Puzzle’s first visit to Wrigley Field
  • The Olympics, I only like events where crashing happens
  • The Making of a Lego World
  • Cows, observe the cows
  • How to be a smart mouth to your mother and how this leads to success (or not, most definitely, not!)
  • Food
  • Cheeseburgers: why are you so delicious?
  • Origins of Fortune Cookies and the top five I would create: #1. Alive today, dead tomorrow 
  • This last one is all Full Speed’s idea: The challenges of having an older brother who is a track star

Like you, I am on the edge of my seat waiting for how this all unfolds.

humor, kids, motherhood

On Track for Stardom (Part Two)

WFAM

 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

In our house, along with running (get it?) jokes about Full Speed’s dynamic track prospects, T.Puzzle is known to regularly shoot barbs at Full Speed.  While these jabs are humorous and a natural part of any sibling relationship, sometimes, it’s too much.  This is where Mad Dog or myself step in and talk to him about being respectful and all the other parent-y things one says in this situation.  So, when Mad Dog and Full Speed returned from another track meet, I put the kibosh on T.Puzzle’s comments.  We were about to watch a video of Full Speed’s 4×800 and I didn’t want any disrespectful comments flying about.  Full Speed is trying and that’s all we should focus on.

That is, until I couldn’t.

As I watched Full Speed lope around the bend of that first curve of track, I wasn’t sure if Mad Dog had accidentally set his phone to slow-motion speed.  My brain couldn’t comprehend what it was seeing and in combination with Full Speed’s pithy commentary, I lost my mind.

I could not stop laughing for the life of me. I tried, I really tried, but the more footage I watched, the more tickled I became.

Eventually, he was the only one in the frame shot and if we kidded ourselves a bit, it looked as if he was a lone runner cruising to first place.  This made us all laugh even more.

Mad Dog explained if I thought this seemed rather slow, imagine his surprise when at a previous meet he watched Full Speed crawl to an even slower pace in the 4 x 400.  How was it possible he had to run an entire lap less, but was almost doubly slow?  Turns out he was misinformed and thought he was really running the 4 x 800.

He was conserving energy for a nonexistent second lap!

P.S. – Full Speed shaved 20 seconds off his time at last night’s track meet.  While realistic in his capabilities, he is determined and improving. 

If he keeps this up track won’t be funny anymore.  

I’m game if you are, Full Speed.