Category: kids

kids

children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Count Me Out

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Full Speed has a tendency to wake up angry. He naturally channels this anger at his brother which often culminates in physical violence. Full Speed was feeling extra saucy this morning and released a flurry of kicks and punches upon his brother. When it came time to brush teeth Full Speed had managed to stop the physical attacks (thanks to some threats and coaching from Mom). Instead, he attempted to keep his little brother intimidated by striking a menacing pose topped off with a fierce grimace. After being mostly whiny (and who can blame him?) T.Puzzle had enough and finally fought back landing a blow squarely on Full Speed’s stomach. At this point I didn’t care who started it, who kept it going or whatever.

“Guys, knock it off. The next person that hits or kicks their brother is getting their first strike of the day. You know the rule, hands and feet to yourselves while we brush teeth.”

Full Speed denied any culpability and surprisingly didn’t throw T.Puzzle under the bus, “Mom, T.Puzzle used his elbow so it doesn’t count.”

That’s when Mom started to count to keep her own aggression at bay.

I ended up counting to a million and seven.

children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Scream

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My morning was a little stressed. As the boys continued to fight and scream in the car I made a conscious effort to breathe. If they pick up on my stress surely they will pick up on my zen. I inhaled deeply and waited. They seemed only to get louder. I exhaled slowly certain my inner calm would infuse the car with peace. They escalated. I lost it. I screamed at the top of my lungs. The result? Two boys that thought that Mom was hilarious. Shockingly this only increased their rowdiness.

I give up.

children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

What’s I Don’t Know + I Don’t Know=?

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Is it normal that my boys constantly barrage me with addition and subtraction questions?  They also ask me how to spell things, the eating habits of dinosaurs and the prerequisites of the United States presidency.  Additionally, every morning while we wait for his school’s doors to open, Full Speed quizzes me on loose change addition.  He grabs a heap of coins, spreads them out on the dashboard and then divides them by categories.  From there we have to value the categories and figure out the sum.

It’s kind of exhausting.  Maybe this is normal and the truth is I’m feeling overwhelmed.  I’m fast realizing that soon I won’t be able to answer any of their questions accurately because they will fall outside my scope of knowledge.

Maybe it’s time for Mommy to go back to school.

How do you spell adorable?
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children, humor, kids, life in pictures, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Two’s the Limit

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Full Speed joined me as we picked up T.Puzzle from school.  The morning receptionist was filling in for the afternoon and she commented on how much Full Speed has grown.  We both marvelled at how old both my boys were getting and how soon we would no longer be coming to this preschool.   I told her it will be a hard transition when T.Puzzle (my baby) goes to kindergarten next year.

Then she asked, “Are you one of those Moms that is going to have another baby when the youngest starts school?”

I almost choked at the question and blurted out, “Absolutely not!  Trust me, all you would have to do is spend some time with my boys and you would understand.”  

How do I know this for sure?  I have a close friend who had a chance to meet my boys for the first time.  I know she fell in love with them as they did with her.   Having seen the boys in action she finally gets what my motherhood journey has truly been like. 

I’m not entirely sure but I’m guessing she was even impressed I decided to go for two.

The boys enjoying a bedtime story with my friend. They quickly adopted her as one of their own.
children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Road Kill

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Battery display
Image by aminorjourney via Flickr

The usual group of neighborhood Moms and their assorted kids had gathered in our cul-de-sac.  There were trikes and scooters scattered here and there as well as a rather fancy battery-powered jeep to ride. 

I’m not going to lie.  I was nervous.  Not for my own children but for the children of my friends.  I jokingly asked if they wouldn’t mind signing waivers releasing me from all medical and legal claims against Full Speed and T.Puzzle. 

My initial fears seemed to be unfounded.  Turns out Full Speed was an incredibly skilled jeep driver.  He maneuvered through the obstacles of running kids and toys with complete control.  He knew exactly when to push it, when to let up and when to spin it back away from the gaggle of little ones. 

It was rather entertaining to watch.  I guess all those training hours of  ‘driving’ video race cars at speeds topping out at 200 mph had really paid off.

T.Puzzle looks on as Full Speed hones his driving skills.

Until…

Inevitably the other kids needed a turn behind the wheel.  T.Puzzle took over and what does Full Speed do?  He tries to run along next to the jeep and hold on to it.  All the Moms are screaming at him to “LET GO, FULL SPEED.  GET OUT OF THE WAY!” 

Does he listen?

No.

Does he become instant road kill?

Yes.

Does Mom nearly pass out at the image of a jeep driving over and trapping her oldest son?

Yes.

Will she ever recover?

No.

Thankfully, Full Speed did make a full recovery with only minor road rash injuries.  As for me?  The psychological damage is beyond repair.