motherhood – Page 18 – Writes for all Mommies

children, humor, kids, motherhood

No Filter? No Problem.

23/05/2018 WFAM

I’m thinking of expanding my horizons to television. I am currently working on a proposal for a Netflix docuseries:

Living with a Filter-less Child: How Words can Hurt Us Sometimes

It’s a real thing.

A kid that has no filter.

I know.

I live with one.

Mine at least has dimples, thank god.

But, in all seriousness, I digress. As T.Puzzle has matured, he does realize that sharing every thought and opinion isn’t necessary.

Progress.

I have lots of discussions with him about it. For instance, on the way to a friend’s house, I had to go over different scenarios with him for practice.

“Ok, say you end up staying for lunch. And, maybe, just maybe, what is offered to you isn’t your favorite…what do you say?”

He was quiet for a moment,

“Thank you……

for making me suffer.”

So close.

I won’t even tell you what he planned to do with his dishes once he was done eating.

children, humor, kids, motherhood

Mighty Popcorn Containers (This Means YOU)

16/05/2018 WFAM

Dear Reader,

You are the frosting on my cupcake.

You are the popcorn container around my popcorn.

You put the sprinkles on my doughnut.

Ok, so maybe I had some serious writer’s block today. And, maybe, just maybe, I stole these exact words from T.Puzzle’s Mother’s Day creation:

Now, go forth and contain the popcorn of the world!

humor, kids, motherhood

Isn’t That Great?

09/05/2018 WFAM

At this age T.Puzzle would unabashedly express his undying adoration for me. I miss those days.

As I watched T.Puzzle pummel his clothes into submission, there was little I could do to improve his laundry folding techniques. Neatness was not the objective here.

I let it go.

This is the key to happiness in life and in motherhood.

In this house, especially in regards to T.Puzzle, it also helps to have thick skin. You see T.Puzzle was born without a filter. While he is softening the crusty edges of his soul a bit as he grows older, he still needs direction when it comes to matters of the heart. I decided to take it upon myself to share a little guidance when it comes to signing my upcoming Mother’s Day card.

“Keep in mind, try not to only highlight the things I do for you, but rather what about me as a person that you love.”

Immediately, a lightbulb went off and he shared his plans to sign his card to me this way:

“Thank you for giving birth to the greatest human alive.”

Wow. I really am special.

Here’s to hoping all your ‘greatest humans alive’ honor you in the way you so deserve.

Happy Mother’s Day!

humor, motherhood

When Left to Their Own Devices…

02/05/2018 WFAM

T.Puzzle needed me to sign a paper in his folder. I use the word ‘folder’ loosely here. While my occupations as a stay-at-home-mom and writer/dreamer/blogger have their busy work, I often have very little need for folders. Therefore, when I saw T.Puzzle’s ‘folder’, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was seeing:

Apparently he ‘stores’ it at the bottom of his backpack.

This may be where all paper-based products go to die.

Speaking of dying, this segues nicely into our little family weekend adventure. I have to preface this by saying that of my three boys, Mad Dog normally requires the least amount of supervision. I may have to change this policy to preserve his safety.

On Friday, Mad Dog had a routine root canal. He seemed to have the pain mostly managed and overall, had everything ‘under control’.

Shortly after when he took the allotted four ibupofren to manage pain, he realized he accidentally ingested four of his antibiotic pills instead.

He should have taken 300mgs, but decided to go all out with 1200mgs.

To save you time, here is what Google said:

1200mgs is the very top of what a doctor would prescribe and only in a dire, life-threatening bacterial infection kind of way. It said nothing about ingesting the 1200mgs as a way to threaten your own life in a general, absent-minded way.

Thankfully, Mad Dog made it safely through the night. Unfortunately, he nows move to the top of the list as being the most supervised of my three boys.

family, humor, kids, motherhood

What’s For Dinner?

25/04/2018 WFAM

I am taking this opportunity to announce my plans to officially change my name to:

What’s For Dinner

Why you may ask?

This is because I have been asked this question so many times a new neural pathway has formed in my brain convincing me that this, in fact, must be my name.

News flash:

It isn’t.

The point I’m making is that a sure-fire way to get on my bad side is to ask me:

‘What’s for dinner?’

It isn’t that I’m opposed to the question in a general sense, but if that is the question you lead with 999 times out of a thousand, I’m not keen to respond in a pleasant manner. At least lead in with a ‘How was your day?’ or ‘Your yoga pants are particularly stylish today’.

Therefore, after a long night up with a dog with seemingly endless diarrhea (it all came out fine in the end), I explained to T.Puzzle over his after school snack I may have a short fuse as the evening progressed.

“So, I shouldn’t ask you what’s for dinner?”

And so he lived to see another day.