parenting – Page 4 – Writes for all Mommies

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Ha!

24/10/2014 WFAM

I was lulled into a false sense of security. I believed my boys would sustain normal, public behavior at length. Ha! I had a total of three errands to run with them before Full Speed’s flag football game. Not ideal to do so much at once, but sometimes, that’s just how the cards fall. The first errand went beautifully. Glasses were adjusted and manners were used. At the next stop, that’s when it began to go off the rails.

It started with Full Speed cracking a joke. Now don’t get me wrong, I love jokes. I love humor. It makes life bearable and often times, really, really fun. We were at a sporting goods store when he picked up a tiny, flowery pink pair of baby girl sport-sandals and said, “Mom, I think these would be a great gift for Dad for his birthday.” I chuckled and joined in. We were there to purchase some Under Armour for T.Puzzle. I picked up a neon-pink, leopard-printed pair of pants and said, “Hey, T.Puzzle, these are perfect for football.” This was my fatal mistake. They took Mom cracking a joke to mean that they could run wild.

First, it started with wrestling which then turned into a heated foot race which then led to them picking up teeny, tiny lavender one-pound weights and declaring, “These are the heaviest weights ever!”, as they pumped them furiously up and down.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so I did a little of both. The sales kid, oh, how he judged me! By this time he was helping us size shoes and the boys were continuing their spectacular display of silliness. I said, “Makes you want to have lots of kids, doesn’t it?”

Not wanting to lose the sale, the sales kid said nothing and sheepishly smiled.

When we returned to the car I had to give the boys my ‘you-better-hold-it-together-at-the-pediatrician’s-or-you-will-regret-it-dearly’ speech. It worked. We got through Full Speed’s ten-year wellness check virtually unscathed.

When do I get to run errands and not have to make threatening speeches? Does it ever happen? Or, will I always have to scare these boys straight?

Guess I better go back to the store and get some teeny, tiny lavender one-pound weights to build up my endurance because clearly, I am not there yet.

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Here’s the Break(down)

05/10/2014 WFAM

Flag football season will soon be upon us. We’ve had a marvelous, months long break from sports activity. At first when Full Speed said he needed a break, my mind went to panic mode. I thought this meant that he will never play a varsity sport. He will never fulfill his Division One destiny. He will try out, not make the first cut and then he will ‘review the tape’ of his childhood. He will then recall how he took a break sanctioned by his Mom, and proceed to blame me for the rest of his life for not making the team.

Whoa, wait a minute there irrational reality. So what? Who cares if he does or doesn’t make a team? Only society as a whole and a large portion of our community (and some family members and I’m not singling out Mad Dog per say). Ok, so maybe this isn’t the way to make sense of the insane pressure to be an elite athlete.

Honestly, I don’t know how to handle all these high expectations that my kids have to be ‘the best’ at sports. Why can’t reading be a sport? Or how about being super kind to others? As a kid, I would have DOMINATED in those. Look out Reading Olympics, I’m going for the gold!

Here’s the thing, sports can be a huge positive, but for the downside of competition, failure and feeling less-than, all a parent can do is adjust their own expectations of their children’s sport performance. Of course, I want them to succeed, but I have to have faith that the journey of sports and life, while unfortunately filled with its share of bumps and bruises, is going to be what helps them ultimately succeed as people. Yes, I said as people, not as professional athletes. I plan to cheer them on for awesome plays, showing up and for being themselves. I will never take a break from that.

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Change (Your Pants)

19/09/2014 WFAM

Full Speed is approaching double digits. I love the age he is right now. I love the person he is right now. I don’t think he is going to change that much in the few weeks before he actually turns ten, so mostly I am excited to celebrate this milestone with him. My concern has to do with not feeling comfortable discussing the subtle physical and emotional changes he is experiencing and to be honest, a general lack of knowledge about what to expect (where’s the book ‘What to Expect during Puberty’? I need one of those). I’m a social worker at heart so I’m confident that I can talk my way through the most difficult of challenges. We will get through this.

However, I noticed recently that Full Speed seemed, well, let’s just say, fidgety in his pants. There were a lot of hands-on adjustments on his part. I assumed that these adjustments are a natural part of a being a growing boy. I tried to be cool and say things like, ‘that’s fine to do, but privately is the way to go,’ or ‘there’s a time and a place for that and this is not it.’ I didn’t want to make a huge deal out of it for fear of scarring him permanently. He seemed okay with what I said and I thought we were in the clear. We were not.

As we walked to the gym he kept yanking, pulling and tugging at his pants. Finally, I couldn’t take it.

“Full Speed, would you please STOP doing that!”

“But Mom, I’ve had these underpants since I was like five and they are so tiny. They keep riding up my crack and are so uncomfortable!”

I did the only thing I could do. I laughed and laughed and then, laughed some more. I’m pretty sure that was the most healthy approach to this delicate situation.

Up to this point, my boys have always been similar in size and stature. Even when I’ve had to buy them new clothes for length, they often don’t fill them out. It never occurred to me that Full Speed had the audacity to put some meat on his bones therefore requiring larger underwear.

It was a watershed moment. Sometimes all your worries will vanish if you just keep your kids in appropriate sized underwear.

Live and learn, friends. Live and learn.

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting, Uncategorized

BOOM!

02/09/2014 WFAM

Something seemed amiss with my iPhone. It was telling me that I was going to be riding in the car for two hours longer than I thought. Wait a minute! I agreed to ride ten hours to Baltimore, but for some reason, these two extra hours were not sitting well with me. Twelve hours one way made me want to get out of the car immediately. I would rather just live somewhere off of I-95 instead of having ridden in that car for one more second!!

Mad Dog was nonplussed. He had managed to sweet talk me into this road trip to see Ohio State play Navy. There was a lot about this trip that seemed crazy. Driving 20 plus hours in four days, taking the boys out of school and oh, did I mention, it was all for a football game? This may surprise you but I am not a passionate football fan. On the upside, we were able to take the boys to the Naval Academy which was spectacular and watching the entire population of midshipman take the field before kick-off gave me goosebumps. However, I still do not consider this a ‘college visit’, Mad Dog. Yes, we technically visited a college, but no, my seven and nine-year old are not quite ready to enroll (enlist?). Either way, it isn’t happening anytime soon.

As the game started and we watched our Buckeyes struggle, I begin to feel frustrated. To make matters worse, my sensitive nervous system was not handling Navy’s cannon shots well. To signify to the stadium that Navy had scored, regained possession or a quarter ended, their cannon would boom with enthusiasm. It startled me almost every single time. It got to be comical. My boys would warn me it was coming and then, BOOM, I would nearly jump out of my skin. Between the Buckeyes lackluster early performance and feeling like I was being shot by a cannon every five minutes, I was about ready to lose my mind. At one point I considered storming the field to let Urban Meyer know that “Mommy did not just ride TWELVE hours for this and he better rally the team or cannon shots would be the least of his worries!”. Thankfully, while it wasn’t pretty, the Buckeyes managed to pull out a win (Braxton Miller we miss you!).

ry=480 — T.Puzzle’s heart breaks as Navy scores.

Let’s hope the rest of the football season sees more wins, less cannons and lots more shared family experiences! Go Buckeyes!

children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Summer Lessons

16/08/2014 WFAM

This is my first post after an unofficial break. I needed to decide if I should continue or if this blog had run its course. After consulting my massive fan base, all two of you, I decided to carry on. Thanks for continuing to care, to read and to show up for me. My readers are a huge reason I will keep showing up for this blog.

This summer blasted by faster than a Floridian thunder storm. I no sooner got us into a great little routine and then I had to chuck it all in to get the boys ready for 2nd and 4th grade. We had many adventures and a few mishaps. Overall, I truly enjoyed my summer with the boys. I was sad to see it end so quickly.

This is what I learnedâ€¦

1. Don’t try to be too deep with your seven-year old.

Here is an exchange I had with T.Puzzle at the beginning of summer. I was clearly outmaneuvered.

Me: “Do you know what I love the most about you?” (the response is supposed to be ‘Everything’)

T.Puzzle: “My armpits?”

He then went on to argue if I truly do love everything about him, then that means I must love his armpits, too.

2. My fantasy of family game night continues to be a bust. For some reason, I can’t let it go. I keep trying and trying. All three of my boys are WAY too competitive so we end up with STINKY FACES,

CRAZY FACES,

and, eventually, I recruit my dog to play because he is the only one capable of maintaining a CHILL attitude.

3. Raising a family will never be a perfect science. Things rarely go the way you picture them in your mind. Just roll the dice and try to have fun in the process.

Have a great school year Everyone!