children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

And the Award Goes to….

ry=400T.Puzzle has been working on an on-line math curriculum.  He is enjoying it.  Yes, he enjoys math.  I’m not sure we are truly related.  Anyway, as he was winding down one particular lesson, I said to him that the next section would be easy for him since he is awesome with shapes and angles.  He said, “I don’t have to wait until the next lesson Mom, because I’m awesome at EVERYTHING.”

AWARD GIVEN:  T.Puzzle wins the Best Self-Image Award for seven years running.  We would open the contest to other contenders, but frankly, T.Puzzle is just too awesome and it wouldn’t be fair.

As we were on our way to an event as a family, I plugged the address in my phone to start us in the right direction.  About halfway there, Mad Dog posed a question to clarify what exit we needed to take.

“Dad, do you know where you are going?” Full Speed asked with an incredulous tone.

“Of course, I always know where I’m going,” Mad Dog replied.

“That’s because you have Mom to guide you,” my brilliant son said.

AWARD GIVEN:  Full Speed has earned the Super Star Award for showing incredible and accurate insight on the fly.  He also received several bonus rounds of hugs and kisses from his Mom.

Of course, I can’t forget to mention Mad Dog.  First, it is relevant for you to know that I hate our computer printer.  Not just kind of dislike it, but actually hate it.  It is temperamental, touchy and unreliable and has been so for years.  As I had yet another glitchy, unsuccessful encounter with our printer, I tried to convey to my husband that it is TIME to get a new one.  He said that I should be happy that he isn’t willing to throw in the towel on something just because it’s been around a long time.  He said I should be glad that he isn’t quick to replace it with a newer, younger model.

AWARD GIVEN:  Mad Dog has earned the Most All-Around Exasperating Yet Endearingly Charming Award.

That’s it, that’s all I got.  I’m too old like my printer to write any more.

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Living Arrangements

ry=400-1Gathered at the breakfast table we began to discuss how awesome our dogs are.  Full Speed said that because our dogs are so awesome that he will definitely have dogs when he grows up.  I turned and asked T.Puzzle if he would have dogs when he was grown.

“I’m probably just going to live with Full Speed when I’m older,” he said.

“I guess that means you’ll have dogs, then,” I said.

“Well, maybe I’ll just live with you instead…”

Awww!

“…until you pass away.”

Wait?  What?!?

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

298

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

It is only a recent development that I am now comfortable taking my boys to the grocery store.  It’s not without challenges.  Since the Superbowl is approaching, they tend to participate in imaginary football games using all the displays that advertise this big game.  It doesn’t seem to bother them that they are the only ones in the whole store running passing patterns and/or blocking for their brother as he runs to the freezer section which is the designated end zone.  I found the best way to combat these football antics is to give them actual permission to run plays before we head inside.  Somehow, if your Mom says ‘2 imaginary field goal attempts are acceptable’, they suddenly lose their charm (see previous post Parenting 101).

I have also found it helpful if I have the boys participate in the task at hand.  They alternate between being the cart pusher and my assistant.  The cart pusher generally endangers himself and all other patrons in the store.  Any sort of food display is at risk as well.  I tend to apologize to my fellow shoppers or praise them for their mad dodging skills.  As for the displays?  I often wish I was on the grocery store payroll for the number of ‘clean-ups in isle such and such’ that I have hastily done as my boys knock over yet another stack of food items.

This past week I had T.Puzzle as my assistant with a new recipe in hand and Full Speed was my cart pusher.  It was going fairly well except for an unfortunate, crushing turn that Full Speed had made.  Luckily, all that suffered were some coffee filters.  We regrouped and headed to the next isle.  Since I hadn’t made a Target run all week, I also had to get some basic household items which I relayed out loud to Full Speed.  I then checked my text messages to see what Mad Dog needed from the grocery.  I told Full Speed those items as well.  I then checked in with T.Puzzle and we went over the recipe and he set out to get the final ingredients.

As we turned the last corner our cart was so laden with food and other various products, Full Speed could barely push it.  I made him stop as I went over my lists, rechecked my text messages and tried in vain to make sure I had everything I needed.

“I sure hope I got everything,” I said as I eyeballed the mound in our cart.

“Mom, you have to remember like 300 things!  I think it’s okay if you forget one or two of them,” Full Speed said.

That goes for all of you reading this, too.  Just as my boys will inevitably simulate a sport while shopping, it’s inevitable that as parents, we are going to forget something along the way.  Keep it in perspective.  Look at the 298 things you DID remember.  Now, go kick a field goal!

children, family, gratitude, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Parenting 101

The brainwashing for Steelers fandom starts early with Full Speed
Full Speed's on board, or is he?
Full Speed’s on board, or is he?
Little T.Puzzle mulls over being a Steelers fan...
Little T.Puzzle mulls over being a Steelers fan…
It's obvious he's having some serious second thoughts...
It’s obvious he’s having some serious second thoughts…

“I don’t understand why the boys are excited to watch every NFL team in the play-offs but I can’t ever get them to watch a Steelers game from start to finish,” lamented Mad Dog.

This was my matter-of-fact response, “That’s because you WANT them to watch the Steelers.  Haven’t you learned?  If you tell any boy (Mad Dog included) in this household you WANT them to do something, they will find every excuse not to do it.  If you want the boys to do something, it has to appear to be their own idea.   Otherwise?  You don’t stand a chance.”

There’s a fine line between parenting effectively and downright psychological warfare.  I say, if it gets your kids to eat their vegetables, it’s legit.

children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

All Heart

As we were watching yet another college sport on TV, a commercial for wrestling flicked across the screen.  Mad Dog asked the boys if they would be interested in watching that since they seem to enjoy wrestling each other so very, very much.  Before they could respond, T.Puzzle threw out some wrestling ‘facts’.

“Whenever I wrestle Full Speed, I always win.  Every time.  I never lose.”

Full Speed, being the bigger brother and all, sat for a moment and didn’t say anything.  I think in years to come, T.Puzzle is going to realize saying things like this will only cause him extensive emotional and physical pain.

Mad Dog explored T.Puzzle’s assumptions further.  “Really?  Every time?”

“Well, maybe not every time, but almost all the time.”

With that, wrestlemania was on.  Full Speed lunged and attacked.  He did not hold back.  It was violent, ugly and a lot of sick sounding thuds happened as little T.Puzzle’s body hit the floor repeatedly.  I have to give T.Puzzle credit, he never gave up.  Even after Full Speed had pinned him for the tenth time and was declared champion, T.Puzzle insisted he was never fully pinned.  In his mind, he may not have technically won, but he was and never will be a loser at wrestling or anything for that matter.

My wish for anyone reading this is that you believe in yourself as much as T.Puzzle believes in himself.  Imagine a world where each of us believed we were the best at everything we tried.   Each fight would find us victorious and each day would be another opportunity for us to shine.

T.Puzzle may have lost the round, but with heart like that, he hasn’t lost the match.

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