Category: potty training

children, potty training

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Broccoli of Times

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It seems little T.Puzzle is showing signs that he is headed toward catching on to this potty-training business. I’m trying to find the balance of pushing him (basically calling him out on his crocodile tears) and trying not to make the potty a huge power struggle that I will ultimately lose.

He hadn’t pooped at school or into the evening. As we began our day he still had kept his pants clean. I decided to strip him of all pants and undergarments because I know this is a technique to help kids learn when they have to go. I figured we would stick around home, I would pump him full of food, put him on the potty periodically and eventually something would happen.

I had T.Puzzle sitting on the toilet for one of his periodic opportunities and I decided to fold a basket of laundry. My thinking was that if I wasn’t hovering over him, he might be more inclined to go. Once the laundry was folded, I’d let him get down from the potty and take it from there.

I’m folding up the last shirt when I hear him began to wail. He is obviously upset as he comes booking out of the bathroom.

“Broccoli came out my butt!” he cries. Tears are rolling down his sad face which only emphasizes his distress. He has a hand clenching his backside as if in disbelief.

I rush to the bathroom and see that he has actually pooped. It’s tiny. And,… it’s green. It kind of does resemble broccoli.

I try to celebrate the amazing feat of getting his first poop in the potty. All he can focus on is that is was broccoli.

As I got him ready for naptime I said, “Keep your Thomas pants clean, okay?”

“Okay,” he said.

About twenty minutes into nap he starts wailing again. This time when I see him he yells, “Broccoli came out my butt, again!”

So, am I potty-training or is T.Puzzle simply hinting that he wishes to become a vegan?

humor, mommyhood, potty training

What I Know

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T.Puzzle has been doing well with his potty-training. After he got over the initial trauma of using the toilet (see previous post: Potty Distress), it seems to have clicked for him. At least the peeing aspect of training. He was dry all day at school and even told me when he had to pee recently. The pooping part, not so much. I’m not quite sure what to do about that.

I’m hoping because he has such reverence for his new Thomas the Train underpants, that maybe that will help him along. The first day we purchased his new undies, he carried them around all day and at times, tenderly held them in a loving embrace. I can’t fathom being that attached to underpants.

I have absolutely no idea what I am doing in terms of training him. I can guarantee you I will never write a book on how to potty-train children. I cringe at that the thought imagining all the angry letters from parents it would generate. My areas of expertise are more along the lines of how to turn any locale into a proper, smack-down wrestling ring or how to survive tantrums through denial, deep breathing and whiskey. It’s all about writing what you know, isn’t it?

mommyhood, potty training

Potty Distress

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I officially started potty-training T.Puzzle. He pooped three times. Not one of these episodes made it into the toilet.

Fun.

You can see by the photo that it is going awesome. This post is short because I have much to do. I have to start brainstorming fundraising ideas to cover future costs. I figure either at some point little T.Puzzle will sue me for emotional distress or I will need to pay for the scores of therapists to repair the damage that potty-training (and his mother) caused him. Or, I just might invest in a winery and drink the profits….

mommyhood, potty training

Double-Crossed

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I was feeling smug. I had Full Speed’s completed homework ready, the extra wipes needed at school for T.Puzzle and I was ahead of schedule. It felt good to be back in control after being heavily medicated for so long. The boys were in their shoes and jackets and I said, “Head to the truck, guys!”

Wouldn’t you know it? I couldn’t find my keys. I looked in all the usual spaces and places and found nothing but anxiety. I picked up my pace because the minutes were ticking and I had to get the boys to school. The faster I scurried, the more distraught little T.Puzzle became because he couldn’t keep up with me. He starts yelling in protest and keeps shouting, “Mommy, where are you!?!” over and over. This does not help my anxious state. All my smugness is tossed out the window. I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to gain mastery over my life.

I go back to the starting point of my search and look in the box in the cupboard I usually keep the keys. Turns out, they were there all along just kind of shoved over to one side. I’m relieved but chastise myself endlessly for adding so many needless minutes to our morning.

I finally get the boys shoved in the truck and buckled. I’m about to shut the door on T.Puzzle’s side and climb in the driver’s seat.  He looks and me and says, “Mommy, I have to go poopy!” Since he’s never said that to me in his life I figure I had to seize the moment.

“Full Speed, undo your buckle, we are heading inside so T.Puzzle can go potty!” I command.

“Mom, that’s going to take FOREVER.” Tell me something I don’t know, kid.

With much effort, we tumble back inside with haphazard abandon. I rush T.Puzzle to the potty, plop him on down and…, he looks up at me, smiles and proceeds to do absolutely nothing.

“All done, Mommy,” he says before he even attempts to do a darn, tooting thing on that potty. I chastise myself again for being a sucker this time.

When we FINALLY have Full Speed at school, I use the ride home to encourage T.Puzzle to go on the potty. “If you poop on the potty Mommy will give you a cookie.”

“I not hungry, Mommy,” he replies.

Double-crossed again.

children, health, mommyhood, potty training

Drive Like the Wind

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birthday hatEverything in my body hurts again and worse than it did yesterday. Fortunately, Full Speed was at school for the day (I brought in cupcakes for him to celebrate his birthday with his class – check out his cool hat) and T.Puzzle was surprisingly well mannered throughout the day.

The drop off of Full Speed was a little harried. Full Speed’s  class was heading back to the other side of the building for their ‘specials’ class (art, music, movement and such). I normally get him there well before they head out but I was sub-par today and wasn’t very timely.

T.Puzzle got nervous and confused in the melee of five year olds. He got turned around and I took my eyes off of him for a second to give Full Speed a goodbye smooch and he darted out the door into the main lobby. He attached himself to a woman who had on a similar pair of pants since that is what is at his eye level, and was ready to go with her for the day. I managed to snatch him up before he exited the building. Whew!

Grandma was entering just as we were leaving. She had to pick up Lil’ Superman (the boys’ three year old cousin) for a doctor’s appointment. As soon as T.Puzzle recognized his Grandma he drops my hand like a dead fish and says, “Bye, Mommy. I go to Grandpa’s house (he still calls her Grandpa which is highly entertaining).”

After a few screaming moments when the realization sunk in that he was going with Mommy and not Grandma, we head back home.

Thankfully, he recovered nicely and even took a two and a half hour nap! Thank, God.

sweet frickity frick

I’m almost to bedtime (boys are watching a show as I tap this out) and sincerely hope Mad Dog is home soon to assist me. Drive like the wind Mad Dog, drive like the wind!

P.S.- Mad Dog did get home in time to bathe the boys (yay!) and put them to bed (double yay!). I don’t know what was more amusing. The odd noises coming from upstairs (yelps and shouts) before the bath or a completely naked Full Speed running downstairs to animatedly tell me about T.PUzzle’s unfortunate use of my bedroom carpet as a toilet (just pee this time). Mad Dog handled it all graciously. Thank you.