kids, mommyhood, Uncategorized

Look Ma, No Bag!

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Full Speed was reluctant to leave the custody of Grandma and the company of B Squared and Lil’ Superman (his cousins). Mad Dog went to pick him up so he could go to the Junior’s class at Tae Kwon Do. Normally, he goes to Tiny Tigers because that’s the class he can attend with his brother. Since our schedule is so shifted because of family and the holiday, we let him go to the older class to at least get a lesson in this week.

After he was picked up, Full Speed was feeling mopey and unmotivated. “Dad, I can’t go to Tae Kwon Do, I have a little bit of a cold (he obviously has heard us discussing his little brother’s recent ailments).”

Mad Dog replied, “Well, that’s too bad because you’ll have to go home and go straight to bed. I guess you won’t be able to meet your cousins at Box Seats (I know, I really need to invest in some shares of that place) after practice.”

Full Speed says, “Hmmm, I guess I’m feeling better. I think I can go, Dad (way to rally little man!).”

The class was good. It challenges Full Speed a lot more than Tiny Tigers but some of the content, well, okay a lot of the content was over his head. He had a good time though.

We head to the beloved (by the boys, NOT me) Box Seats and the boys set out to play arcade games and eat fries with their cousins. It goes smoothly until the end when T.Puzzle announces he has pooped. I have to take him out to our truck where all the changing supplies are located. I have been resisting taking my diaper bag everywhere because it is tedious and cumbersome. It is my way of rebelling against the constraints of motherhood. I can’t tell you how freeing it feels to walk into a restaurant, store or doctor’s office with only my kids and a tiny purse in tow. Obviously, the consequence is I have to take T.Puzzle to the truck on the off-chance he poops. To me, it’s worth the gamble.

So, it’s a long, drawn-out process to clean him up but I do. After I tie up the diaper in a plastic bag and sanitize my hands I realize there isn’t an outside garbage can I can use. I decide to leave the bag on the back bumper of the truck because I don’t know how long we will be and I don’t want my truck to house the bag’s noxious fumes. I extract T.Puzzle from the back of the truck, put the bag on the ledge and swing the rear hatch down. As the hatch passes the bag of poopy diaper, it sort of sucks it up in a whoosh of air and catches it in the corner as it slams shut. The bag pops, and the dirty diaper shoots out and plops to the ground. Yuck. I have to open the hatch again, get another bag, scoop up the gross remains and then sanitize my hands all over again. And you know what? I still have no regrets. Here’s to all the Moms leaving their diaper bags at home. May your shoulders be light and your kids poop-free!

children, health, life in pictures, marital blissishness, parenting

Sit Back

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I decided T.Puzzle needed to be seen by the pediatrician. He sounded terrible and still was a walking, dripping science experiment. His fever was gone, I just wanted to make sure whatever he had wasn’t in his lungs or ears.

Mad Dog picked up Full Speed from school, took him to lunch and than met me and T.Puzzle at the doctor’s. As they pulled up I noticed that Mad Dog had a freshly shaved head. That could only mean one thing. So did Full Speed.

Mad Dog and I don’t see eye to eye when it comes to the length of our boys’ hair. Since we have moved to Florida and our boys are incredibly active, I understand that it makes sense to have little hair in the summer months. However, during the winter here, I want to let their hair grow. As a peace offering, they handed me a gift card to Burger King that said Team Edward with a pic of my favorite Twilight character. At least Full Speed wasn’t completely shaved; he still had a little hair on top. I had to let it go.

Full Speed realizes that T.Puzzle is still under the weather. He turns up the protective empathy and is downright directive and adorable. First, he offers T.Puzzle his toy from his Burger King lunch (which T.Puzzle takes ownership of with glee) and then he grabs T.Puzzle’s hand and leads him into the office.

Once we are back in a room waiting for the doctor, Full Speed orders T.Puzzle to sit on the cushioned bench and tells him what to expect when the nurse or doctor comes in. T.Puzzle  is mostly game for all this instruction until it is time for the removal of his Lightning McQueen shoes (he’s very attached).

While we wait, I attempt to read the boys a story about Ernie and Cookie Monster. It sort of holds their interest but honestly, I feel like I’m in the middle of a wrestling ring being pummeled into oblivion. Sitting still and quietly is not their style. Soon, T.Puzzle thinks he is cute and starts punching and kicking the book. He is warned, admonished and then punished. He screams ‘sorry!’ at the top of his lungs. In a small exam room, his voice really carries.

When the doctor arrives (she’s unusually pleasant and helpful in Mad Dog’s presence, hmmm…) Full Speed is right in her face ‘helping’ her examine T.Puzzle. We have to keep holding him back and redirecting because he is certain it is his job to assist. At one point the doctor asks if T.Puzzle can cough for her. She asks Full Speed to demonstrate what she needs T.Puzzle to do and Full Speed proceeds to fake cough all over her (lovely!). T.Puzzle just watches in dazed amusement, he doesn’t cough but he does get the all clear. His lungs are good and his ears are clear. All we can do is sit back and patiently wait for the rest of his cold symptoms to run their course. If only all aspects of parenting were that easy.

children, health, humor, mommyhood

Nice Try

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We have been hosting my sister-in-law’s family for the Thanksgiving holiday. She has two boys (B Squared) and they are seven and five. My boys adore them. They wish they could play with them every single day.

Today at Grandma’s we did a gift exchange with all the boy cousins. Even Lil’ Superman was there. We had to do the exchange now because B Squared are from way up north and won’t be here on Christmas. All the boys were in wrapping paper heaven as they clawed their way through gift after gift. It was a heaping mess of joy and a lot of fun to watch.

After the gifts were open I decided I needed to take little T.Puzzle home. He still was emitting large amounts of green snot and coughing up a storm. I knew he needed another good nap at home (me too because I have what he has of course). We took a reluctant Full Speed with us. He protested that he needed to stay with B Squared and Lil’ Superman. We thought he looked awfully tired and could use a break, too.

I had no intention of Full Speed taking a nap. I figured he would rest quietly like always and just have some down time. Lo and behold, he actually fell asleep! That is saying something. The last time Full Speed took a nap was several months ago. He didn’t even nap on his recent post-eye surgery days. That kid was TIRED.

Since more than half of my in-laws had hit the road this morning, my sister-in-law relocated to the now vacant rooms at Grandma’s house. Full Speed did not like this new scenario.

“When am I going to see B Squared again?” he asked with the puppy dog eyes. “The first night B Squared stayed at our house, the second night we all stayed at Grandma’s (except sick little T.Puzzle) and then we came back to stay at our house. I’m supposed to go to Grandma’s tonight or we will break the pattern (which he pronounces pattren).”

“No, Full Speed, not tonight. You need to get some rest, we will see B Squared and Lil’ Superman again tomorrow,” is my firm reply.

“If I go to Grandma’s I PROMISE I will be really good!” he protests. He is mustering every ounce of sincerely sad charm. His eyes are wide and hopeful.

“No, Full Speed.”

“If I have to stay home I’m going to be really bad then!” he replies.

Nice try, Full Speed. Nice try.

children, parenting

Snuggies for All

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Poor T.Puzzle. He does not feel well at all. Unfortunately this has meant that Mad Dog and I have allowed him to sleep with us for three consecutive nights. No one is getting good sleep. T.Puzzle especially likes to kick Mad Dog intermittently and in inopportune areas. We are all exhausted.

Yesterday T.Puzzle and I stayed home so he could recuperate (me, too!). Mad Dog had gone deep sea fishing with the guy relatives and Full Speed was at Grandma’s with his boy cousins. When Mad Dog returned with Full Speed, he brought his birthday presents from his family. One of these presents was an Ohio State Snuggie. I’m sure you are familiar with the Snuggie as it has turned into a national phenomenon sold in Walgreens across America. For some reason, Full Speed is absolutely obsessed with Snuggies. When we see them out he has to list what kind each of his family member should have (mine would be pink in case you are wondering). When Full Speed realized his Dad not only had a Snuggie but it was an OSU one as well, he couldn’t wait to try it on and model it for everyone.

Soon we are off to bed, the Snuggie will stay downstairs and we hope against all hope that T.Puzzle will make it through the night in his own room. Our mental and physical health depends on this.

children, health, marital blissishness, mommyhood

Party Pooper

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It’s nearly impossible to surprise your significant other. That’s because your lives are so deeply entwined any time you veer off course their suspicions are raised. It took some planning and discretion but I think I managed to surprise Mad Dog with a cake for his birthday at his family’s Thanksgiving feast. I also made sure that his parents’ house was sufficiently supplied with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream (cookie dough is Mad Dog’s absolute addiction).

The end result was awesome (it even had a picture of the boys on it riding a motorcycle taken at our recent portrait sitting). The cake turned out better than I hoped and was quite tasty. It was red cake with cream cheese frosting which is also a Mad Dog fave. My end goal wasn’t necessarily a delicious treat; it was to demonstrate how much I love Mad Dog. He does so much to care for our little family; I wanted to do something special for him.

After the cake, and let me tell you, it was weird slicing through the picture of my boys’ faces, all the boy cousins set forth in wild play. However, it was obvious little T.Puzzle was not feeling great. The sniffle and sneeze he’s been fighting developed into a full-blown fever topped off with green snot. Additionally, as the evening was winding down, he had an explosive poop which required a shower and a changing of the clothes for him (he was NOT happy).

Well, you know how the saying goes; it’s not really a party until someone has a messy, explosive poop, right?