children, kindergarten, marriage, mommyhood

Full Speed Ahead

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It was Sunday morning. The next day Full Speed will start kindergarten. I stared at the wobbly whir of our bedroom ceiling fan while in my chest sat a complicated and pained heart. I turned to Mad Dog and said, “I’m really freaking out about Full Speed’s first day.”

He said, “Why? The kid has been in school for years. I don’t understand all the stress. It’s not like he’s never been in a classroom.”

I tried my best not to reach over and smack him on the head. All I said in response was, “Thanks, that was extremely comforting.” I laced it with as much sarcasm as I could muster. Trust me, I have loads.

A couple hours later I was stressing myself out over attempting to pre-pay on-line Full Speed’s first, official school cafeteria lunch. However, I needed his student ID# and I have yet to receive that. It was really stressing me. I know it’s not rational. I know it has more to do with my firstborn starting kindergarten and all the change that comes with that. I’m not great with change.

My shoulders inched up towards my ears and my brow twisted up in irritation.

Mad Dog, sensing my frustration, came over and said, “I get that it’s different for you. When Full Speed came into this world he was attached to you in a way I don’t get. I know it will be hard for you to separate from him tomorrow. Me? You know, I’d just throw him in the deep end (see post yin and yang) and be done with it.”

I was so grateful that Mad Dog acknowledged how different this process would be for the two of us. That brought my anxiety down by about 1 percent. The rest of the 99 percent I plan to deal with by consuming lots of chocolate.

As for Full Speed, he is ready to conquer kindergarten. This is one instance where having a child who is the complete opposite of me (thrives on change, extroverted, and monstrously assertive) is a huge blessing. It almost makes up for all his stubborn-filled, tantrum-ridden, openly defiant toddler through age four years.

Almost.

Full Speed tests out his desk at kindergarten orientation.

Go get ’em, Full Speed!

children, marriage, mommyhood

Yes, I Combed My Hair

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I have a sure-fire way to get a compliment. When dropping your child at school/camp, consistently wear old t-shirts and scruffy looking shorts. Oh, and hardly ever comb/wash your hair, too. That way when you make a tiny effort of simply putting a comb to your hair and throwing on a cute necklace, it sends shockwaves through the school/camp’s staff. They can’t help but comment on your appearance in a complimentary way.

The reason I say this is that I actually put some effort into myself before leaving the house today. I was more embarrassed than flattered at how many compliments I received at Full Speed’s camp. Makes me wonder how bedraggled I have looked up until this point.

Oh well.

Today is a big day. Full Speed has his orientation for kindergarten so I am attempting to look pulled together even if I don’t feel it (you know, first impression and all). We will see his classroom and meet his teacher. All I hope is that his teacher is a person who can appreciate high energy.

And, thank you to Mad Dog for my surprise blog-a-versary flowers yesterday. They are beautiful and I am thankful you remain my number one fan (regardless of how I look).

Love you, Mad Dog!

mommyhood, self-discovery, self-image/self-acceptance

Happy Blog-a-versary to ME!

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Well, I did it. I completed a year of daily posts. I set the challenge for myself and despite the crazy constraints of motherhood, I did it. To say that I accomplished anything meaningful outside of potty-training and getting my kids to eat broccoli feels pretty amazing. It is proof that I do still have some brain cells intact and that on occasion, I can rally them together and write something entertaining, heartfelt or just plain silly. I have had a very good time.

I think the biggest change for me has been coming to terms with motherhood. I think sometimes when we are unhappy with who we are, we blame our choices and our circumstances. I will admit, especially in the newborn years, I struggled with my all-consuming role as a mother. I thought that maybe if I had made some different choices, like continuing to work or if I was somehow parenting better, I would feel happier. Turns out, it wasn’t my boys or motherhood, it was me. It doesn’t matter what I accomplish outside of motherhood that determines my value, it is ultimately up to me to determine that. Whether I become a world-famous author or if all I manage is to raise two, well-adjusted boys, my value remains constant. I get that now.

Finally.

So, Full Speed and T.Puzzle, keep bringing it. Keep my days filled with unexpected twists, turns and the random loving, moments. I look forward to the challenge.

Thank you for all the friends I have made along the way. I am excited and hopeful for the coming year and have a feeling, Full Speed and T.Puzzle will not disappoint.

Have a great day and celebrate my blog-a-versary! Cheers!

children, eyesight, health, mommyhood, surgery

The Informant

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By the later afternoon, little T.Puzzle understood the necessity of keeping his eye shield in place. He also realized that he could make his way in the world without his glasses. It wasn’t ideal, but he could manage.

However, as bedtime approached he was adamant that he didn’t want to wear the shield to bed. Well, too bad because it’s doctor’s orders.

I turned to my greatest ally.

“Full Speed, make sure little T.Puzzle keeps his shield on at bedtime and through the night. You let Mom and Dad know if he tries to take it off.”

In this instance, it helps tremendously to have a big brother willing to rat his little brother out over the slightest infraction.

Full Speed shows T.Puzzle who’s in charge in a wrestling match a few weeks ago.

“Yes, ma’am!” Full Speed replied.

Full Speed was as good as his word and little T.Puzzle kept that shield in place all night.

One night down, several more to go.

With Full Speed on my side, I know we can do it!

children, eyesight, gratitude, mommyhood, surgery

Post-Op

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Little T.Puzzle plays with his portable Thomas track from Grandma in the waiting area.
Little T.Puzzle is confounded by the dot that marks his eye prepped for surgery.
The ride home after many tears and frustration over having to wear his eye shield.
Little T.Puzzle glares at me as I yet again admonish him from removing his eye shield. Once he ate some food, he was more compliant but his anger is still bubbling just under the surface.

Little T.Puzzle’s lens removal went smoothly. His recovery, not so much. He is younger then when his big brother went through this process and therefore it is harder for him to comprehend why he has to wear that pesky eye shield. He’s really mad, too, because his glasses won’t fit over it. I think he is experiencing more pain as well. He had more stray ‘strands’ surrounding the lense that had to be removed. The good news is that the lens  removal may help center his pupils. They are slightly off-center due to his ectopia lentis.

He is a trooper and I know tomorrow will be so much better.