mommyhood

Expectations

T.Puzzle still was not up to par yesterday after his prior late night vomit session. Overall, he was happier and ate well but still had some interesting colored diaper discharges. Since I was exhausted and so was he, we took a long nap together midday.
p8293085
As I layed him down next to me for the nap he immediately got in my face and started saying, “Mommy! Mommy!” I did my best to ignore him and stated simply and firmly that it was time to close our eyes and go to sleep. That didn’t work. He got even closer to my face (as if this was even possible) and started to vary the cadence and tone of how he said my name. First, he started slow and deliberate almost like a long, southern drawl, “Maaaah-meeee! Maaaah-mee!” When that drew no response he tried a more militaristic approach, “Mom! Mom! Mom!” It reminded me of a submarine alarm that alerts its crew it’s under attack. Eventually he realized that I wasn’t reactive and after a few pathetic, whining “Mommy. Mommy. Mommys,” he gave up and went to sleep.

The nap helped us some. As bedtime approached we were still tired and borderline cranky (especially Mom). T.Puzzle only lasted about two hours that night in his own crib and then was promptly relocated to our bed. He was crying miserably and we could tell he was still feeling off.

The first hour or so he was still and we all slept peacefully (oh, how Mad Dog and I wished our queen sized bed was a king!). Then, he started with the fierce dreams where he would randomly start to pummel the pillow and then me. This went on intermittently throughout the night and I was about ready to pummel him. At some early morning hour in the middle of one of his crazy, physical outbursts, he reached over and I swear to you, he tried to rip my nose off my face! That was it. Mad Dog and I couldn’t take it anymore. He was unceremoniously placed back in his bed and that was the last I saw of him until morning. Thank goodness.

I decided to let T.Puzzle sleep in as late as possible in the morning to recover. That meant Full Speed and I had some time alone. He was in a sweet mood which is always mightily appreciated and he told me that T.Puzzle could play with his new, Batman car while he was at school today (T.Puzzle was skipping school, I wanted to wait until his BMs stopped being neon green before he returned). I love it when Full Speed shows his empathic side especially when it’s towards his brother.

Full Speed seemed mellow and excited about school (which is usually a 50/50 proposition on a Monday), that I thought it was time to talk to him about his upcoming eye surgeries scheduled for September. The boys have a rare, genetic eye condition called ectopia lentis et pupillae with lens subluxation. In laymen’s terms it means they are extremely far-sighted and near-sighted respectively (they truly are opposites!) and their lenses are dislocated. Full Speed is going to be the first of my two boys to have the surgery to remove his lenses. We are hopeful this will improve his vision dramatically.

There is a delicate balance with Full Speed.  He is the type of kid who needs to know what to expect or what comes next to get a handle on his world. If you tell him too much he obsesses about it and can’t come to terms with it. If you tell him too little, he gets frustrated and prone to moody, tantrums. I think I did well with him today. I made sure he knew that for lots of the upcoming doctor’s appointments it would just be him and Mom (he loves that) and on the days of the big surgeries (one eye at a time) his Dad would even be there.

“T.Puzzle will stay home?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, it’s just you and me, kid. You know we make a great team,” I replied.

He high-fived me and said, “Let’s go eat breakfast.” And we did.
p8293093

marital blissishness, mommyhood

Tae Kwon Oh-No!

p7182835When we lived in Wisconsin and were trapped in our home for seven months straight because of snow, I desperately needed to come up with options to keep my hyperactive Full Speed entertained. On a whim when he was about 3 and a half, we signed him up for Tae Kwon Do. He excelled and all his instructors said the exact same thing. “Wow, Full Speed sure has a lot of energy.” They said it like it was a newsflash. Believe me; I was already well aware of his energy level.

Full Speed managed to move up two levels quickly and earned a purple belt shortly before we moved last November. Since we have lived here in Florida and so much has happened, we didn’t sign him up immediately. A few weeks ago I decided that I was ready to tackle the responsibility of adding this extra activity to our week and we signed him up. Mad Dog insisted we sign T.Puzzle up, too. I did not want to. T.Puzzle screamed and cried the first 15 minutes of his first class. I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. All the other parents’ eyes were looking at the distraught little T.Puzzle and looking at us. It was clear they thought that Tae Kwon Do was a cruel and unusual punishment for T.Puzzle.

After a few sessions, T.Puzzle has hit his groove. Granted, his ‘yes sirs’ and punches and kicks are the most timid of the bunch. He does manage to follow a majority of the class and his instructor has loads of patience with him. He is actually doing well which I hate to admit because that would mean Mad Dog is right, again. Oh, the humanity!!!

This is where I have the problem. I am in charge of getting them to class on Wednesday evenings by myself. I have to pack up snacks, uniforms, diapers, drinks, progress reports, Full Speed’s equipment and their respective belts. Then I have to pick them up from school, take them to class, and get them dressed, seated by the mat in criss-cross applesauce formation and happy before their session begins. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a Tae Kwon Do uniform up close. There are many twists and ties and that’s not even mentioning tying their belt (the belt ties I complete always look misshapen and lopsided). Add to the fact that the changing room is tinier than a small bathroom with no air conditioning vent and that for some reason, small spaces bring out Full Speed’s hyperactive tendencies and increases his volume level exponentially. So, I’m sweating my ass off, Full Speed is bouncing off the walls and yelling and T.Puzzle keeps opening and closing the changing room door while pooping. It takes me a good forty-five minutes to get them ready when all is said and done. I asked Mad Dog if because of his insistence that they both attend Tae Kwon Do regularly, that during these solo trips to Tae Kwon Do that I have to do by myself, if he can sense the hate-filled thoughts that I send to him even though he is miles away still at work. He says he can’t but the glint of fear in his eyes when I ask this says otherwise.

I much prefer Saturday classes. I can get T.Puzzle and Full Speed dressed at home and if I’m really lucky, Mad Dog will take them and I can stay home. I say “Hi-Ya!” to that.

mommyhood

Writes for all Mommies

I am writing for all the mommies out there who are feeling a little lost today, okay a lot lost today. I believe raising children is the most important undertaking of our lives. It is also the most underrated, the most exhausting and a huge killer of personal dreams. Let’s not stop the dreaming…

If we can connect to the part of ourselves that is the most vibrant and has the most light to shine, not only will we reap the rewards, our children will catch some of that light and shine on.

Don’t give up who you were before children. Make the most of who you are with children. Find some balance, find some sanity and ask for help.

No one really knows what the hell they are doing. That Mom you saw this morning at school drop off, the one with the perfect, hair/teeth/body? She doesn’t know a damn thing either. Her daughter refused to get out of bed this morning and had to be bribed with M&Ms. I bet at least your kids had cereal for breakfast and those are fortified with loads of vitamins. Keep up the great work!