When Mad Dog travels, like he did over this past week, my life with the boys becomes slightly more adventurous. Thankfully, lately, I have been appreciating these adventures more. I also managed to miraculously schedule two dinners with friends (one I invited to the house after the boys were asleep) and a lunch with my mother-in-law.
I haven’t had that much social activity since the early nineties when children were a twinkle in my eye and my hair was taller than a full-grown palm tree.
It was rather strange. While I was physically stretched to the max maintaining the family routine and meeting my social obligations this week, my spirit felt completely full.
I’m learning that as my children grow and need me less, I need to embrace this (as much as I can because it hurts ever so) and find myself a little more each day.
That’s what friends and a fabulous mother-in-law are for.
More often than not, Mad Dog and I have these surreal moments, especially as a weekend draws to a close, where we look at each other in disbelief and say, ‘the boys were really well behaved, weren’t they?” It’s almost like we need someone to pinch us or that we need to thumbprint our kids to make sure that they are really, truly ours.
When public outings for so long have been a battle ground, it’s refreshing when they simply become enjoyable.
I didn’t see that coming at all.
And, for those who read this blog regularly, I bet you didn’t either.
Do you ever wonder if your partner understands how hard you work to make everything seem easy?
How when he may (or may not) reach for clothes for the kids, they are clean, neatly organized and always at hand? This goes for karate uniforms, too.
Or, when he walks in the door, the kids are playing with each other in a respectful manner (someone had to teach them this and they need almost daily reminders of how to continue to do so), the house is clean (relatively speaking) and dinner is cared for (most nights).
And, what about all the learning these kids need to do that you have to help them with? Eye appointments and doctors visits, too?
Believe me, I’m just getting started here.
Now, before you stop reading in protest Mad Dog, let me flip it around.
Do you ever feel like your partner understands how hard you work to provide for her and the kids?
How about all the long hours spent alone in an office (with no windows, mind you!) on endless phone calls trying to accomplish seemingly impossible business feats and doing so while making it all look easy?
What about trying to manage a team that is scattered across the nation that looks to you for leadership and expects nothing but excellence from you?
Or the myriad of calamities and unexpected projects that pile up on your already overtaxed work schedule?
And what about the time spent away from your boys? You know they are incredible and they grow by leaps and bounds every day, and you have to miss some of the really important and downright cool stuff.
You are handling all these things and doing it well even at great personal cost. Does your partner get this?
Really?
I don’t know that I do.
Sometimes I’m so focused on feeling underappreciated in my own corner of the world that it begins to feel like a part-time job.
Are life and relationships ever going to be exactly how you want them to be?
Nope.
What can I do today to take care of myself, give myself the recognition I desire and honor and appreciate my partner in the process?
Full Speed: I promise to be the bestest boy in all the land.
Considering his initial behavior at our New Year’s lunch out by the ocean, this goal may be slightly on the lofty side.
Mad Dog: To get fit and have more patience with my boys.
First of all, I think he looks fantastic as is and secondly, I’m thinking he wanted to add ‘and more patience with my wife’. Since he was speaking this goal directly to me, he was wise to leave that part out.
Me: To have more gratitude for what I already have.
Case in point...
That’s the great thing about motherhood, it gives you many reasons to be grateful. I’m serious, mostly…, and no, I haven’t fallen and hit my head (at least not badly).
These are some of the lessons I learned throughout 2010.
1. No matter how much you dream it or wish it, you are not in control of your life or your children. It seems the more I try to micromanage Full Speed’s and T.Puzzle’s behavior, the more likely I am to fail and be miserable in the process. Sometimes you have to let go and let them be who they are, even if that means they act wild sometimes, forget their manners and generally drive you and your spouse nuts.
2. On good days, motherhood is about the balance between caring for the needs of your kids and caring for your own needs. On bad days, motherhood is about survival. All you can do is survive until your children’s bedtime, chalk it up to a bad day and start the adventure anew the next day.
3. When the bad stuff happens, it’s your best opportunity to learn.
4. I am extremely lucky to have someone like Mad Dog as my children’s father. Kids love to emulate what they see, and fortunately for me, this means they see love, respect and generosity as a way of life.
Full Speed puts his hands in his pockets just like Mad Dog on our day at the zoo.
5. Frustration doesn’t get you very far. Acceptance, an action plan and forgiveness go a whole lot further in this world.
6. Having kids allows you to remember your own sense of fun. It’s also a great excuse to wear silly hats when you ring in the new year.
Image by erjkprunczyk - Happy New Year! via Flickr
Mad Dog and I took the boys to see ‘Yogi Bear’. If I’m being completely honest, sitting through children’s fare, especially the type common to theaters in recent years, can be a bit taxing on your sense of sanity.
I tried to keep an open mind to the inanity of it all.
When my attention wasn’t captured by the movie, which was most of the time, I quickly became absorbed in thought. How could I change my perspective and appreciate this movie, this experience and this moment?
Well, it helped a ton to hear the unfiltered giggles emitting from each boy on either side of me. It also wasn’t the worst kid’s movie I’ve had to sit through either.
I couldn’t maintain a zen outlook the whole time. In the moments I could, I sat back and was more content to watch Full Speed and T.Puzzle enjoy their cinematic adventure. And enjoy it they did.
I counted myself lucky that we live close to a theater, had gift certificates to pay our way (thank you, Grandma and Grandpa!) and Mad Dog available to join us.
The movie didn’t end up on any of my top ten lists, but the company was divine.
When Mad Dog travels, like he did over this past week, my life with the boys becomes slightly more adventurous. Thankfully, lately, I have been appreciating these adventures more. I also managed to miraculously schedule two dinners with friends (one I invited to the house after the boys were asleep) and a lunch with my mother-in-law.
