kids – Page 64 – Writes for all Mommies

children, kids, life in pictures, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Testing…

25/10/201025/10/2010 WFAM

Test Track, a popular attraction at Epcot, at ... — Image via Wikipedia

We were at Epcot for the day. The weather was pitch perfect, the boys well-behaved and we were having a marvelous time. Mad Dog insisted one of our first stops was Epcot’s Test Track. I remember Test Track from a past trip and let’s just say, I’m not a fan. Mad Dog and I had taken Full Speed along with my nieces and brother-in-law about two years ago. Here is the photo of me completely relaxed and enjoying the ride:

Back Camera — Yes, I'm that big of a scaredy-cat

Fast forward two years and now Mad Dog wants to take both my boys. Was he serious? Yep. He instructed me to go sit at the exit by the gift shop (of course the exit is by a gift shop). I did so and ordered my mind not to think about how frightening I found the ride as a grown adult. I ignored the instinct to grab my three year old T.Puzzle and run for the hills. I sat quietly and I waited.

That’s when it began. The mind-numbing roar of the test cars on the track overhead. Each sounded like a freight train colliding with a Mack truck. Oh, and then there were the piteous screams of the helpless passengers spilling over and making me feel very, very nauseous.

Okay. I can do this. I can pretend to be a rational Mommy and wait patiently.

Roar. Scream.

By this time my anxiety had reached full throttle. My stomach was in knots. A kid next to me joked that it was taking so long for his older brother to emerge because someone must have been flung from a car.

Roar. Scream.

At that point I almost lost it.

Another fifteen minutes passed and keep in mind, my boys supposedly had fast passes to this ride. I think I aged about thirty years as I waited for their ride to be over.

Finally, I saw them.

They were perfectly fine. T.Puzzle cried a little at the end (the scariest portion), insisted he would not be riding it again and was quite proud of himself. I pretended to be all calm and collected. I congratulated him and let him have him his moment.

Looks like my boy is growing up. Unfortunately, this feels a whole lot scarier to me than any ride in the world.

children, gratitude, humor, kids, life in pictures, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery

My Bucket List

22/10/2010 WFAM

I was at my book club last night discussing our latest novel when I brought up the subject of a bucket list. The themes of the story we read appropriately sparked asking the group ‘what’s on your bucket list?’ Most had an idea and most were travel related.

I had nothing. I have no list. I can only think as far as to what to feed my kids for their next meal.

My husband has dreams and goals. Some are football related, others have to do with career success and preparing for our family’s financial future.

Even my boys are goal-directed. T.Puzzle is looking forward to going to kindergarten when the time comes and Full-Speed has his sights set on learning to read and write (or his version of writing).

And, me? I got nothing.

I have nowhere to travel (the thought overwhelms me, who would watch my kids anyway? And to take them with? That’s not travel, that’s what we call ‘over-time’ in Mommy-speak), no career goals (unless you count keeping my children alive on a daily basis as a goal) and no idea what my future holds.

This is not a complaint. It is an observation. Motherhood inevitably blurs the line of your identity with your children. You are forced to put yourself on the back burner. I understand that and it has taken many years (some days are better than others mind you) to be at peace with it.

So essentially what I’m saying is, for the sake and value of my own self, that my number one item on my bucket list is to…

make a bucket list.

children, grief, kids, life in pictures, loss of parent, marriage, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery

Love & Birthdays

18/10/201018/10/2010 WFAM

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA — Happy 6th birthday, Full Speed!

I am having many mixed feelings about Full Speed’s sixth birthday today. I am excited for him and happy his remarkable growth and change are being marked in such a celebratory way. The challenge is not having my Mom here to help me celebrate or to share in all the wonderful milestones Full Speed has achieved in the past year.

It was hard enough that she wasn’t here to offer support and guidance when he started kindergarten. Now, with each passing year, Full Speed is growing into who he is meant to be and she won’t be able to see it. I wish she could because this kid is only getting better with age.

As the distance grows from the last point in which my Mom was in my life, it is ever more shocking to my system that she really isn’t coming back.

I’d also like to apologize to Mad Dog for my extra crazy, unpredictible moods as of late. I am in the last stages of processing my Mom’s absence and while I will never fully let her go, I will move forward in a more even-handed manner. I promise.

All I can do is my absolute best. I will celebrate the good times in my present and honor the sadness as it floats up from my past.

I am grateful for the time that I had with my Mom. I believe the joy I have managed to create in my own little corner of the world is possible through her choices and example. I watched and I learned. I made some different choices of my own. Most importantly, I was loved.

Thanks, Mom.

children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Silly Me

15/10/201015/10/2010 WFAM

T.Puzzle’s hair is in a slightly awkward state. A few millimeters of growth and it will improve dramatically. Or, you could go Mad Dog’s preferred route and shave it all off again. I decided to wait it out.

Since it was picture day at T.Puzzle’s school I had to take matters into my own hands. I agonizingly shellacked his hair into place. By the time school drop-off rolled around, his hair started to fuzz back into its original shape. It wasn’t great but I smoothed it down best I could, fretted that it wouldn’t be picture-perfect and went on my way.

Not an hour later the school calls to tell us there was an ‘incident’. T.Puzzle ran smack dab into a door, hit his head and was minorly injured. However, a line had formed on his forehead in the precise spot his head connected with the door. I was told it was red and puffy, too. This happened right before pictures of course.

Silly me. And I was worried his hair would be mussed.

838351427506 — Thankfully, by day's end, the injury had faded significantly.

children, kids, life in pictures, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery

King of Love

12/10/2010 WFAM

Just when you think you are out of the woods, reality will come back and smack you in the face. I like to believe that the physical/hands-on part of raising my boys is getting easier. And it is. Yet there are still moments when I look into the eyes of my offspring and all I see is a never-ending pool of need.

I had picked up T.Puzzle midday from school. He needed his booster shot for the flu vaccine. We were miraculously in and out of the doctor’s office in ten minutes flat (no lie!). We had time to kill until we picked up Full Speed from kindergarten. We headed to the park.

T.Puzzle was doing great, climbing everywhere and tumbling down the slides. I was enjoying myself reveling in the freedom of being able to step back and watch him. Suddenly he runs towards me holding his bottom.

Uh oh. The holding of the bottom is never a good sign.

“I needa use the bathroom!” he exclaims.

Of course he does. Of course we are at a park with no operational toilet facilities. Of course. Of course.

I grab him and sprint to the car, he’s miffed at me because he is leaving the fun. I get him strapped in as quickly as possible and hightail it to a nearby Burger King. We race to the bathroom and make it in the nick of time.

While in the stall I have a moment where I feel the frustration rise. The seemingly endless inconvenient potty moments specific to early childhood are getting to me. The feeling that no matter how far I’ve come in motherhood, I am still a slave to my children and their needs. I look at T.Puzzle. He looks at me.

“I really love you, Mommy. I really love you all the times,” he says.

Oh, so that’s why it’s a good thing your kids can learn to talk. When they are this small and verbal sometimes they say the perfect thing when you need to hear it the most. T.Puzzle helped shift me out of my frustration and focus on what’s important. And no, I’m not talking about improving the cleanliness of Burger King’s bathrooms because clearly this is an issue, too. It’s about remembering when you are up to your Mommy-eyeballs in dealing with the needs of everyone but yourself, that you do it out of love. If you hang in there, make a good effort and keep your intentions clear, you will make it through.

I love you all the times, too, T.Puzzle.