Tag: moms

humor, mommyhood

What’s in a Name?

WFAM

I was on the phone with one of my fans yesterday. Well, she’s a good friend and she normally calls me anyway so I’m not sure if that counts. I guess she technically reads my blog with intermittent regularity so that does qualify (slightly) as a phone call from fan. She had called me while I was in the process of preparing a complicated meal (okay, it was chicken nuggets and tater tots) for the boys. She knew it wouldn’t be the most convenient time in my day as we were nearing dinner; she just happened to have a few spare moments and took a shot.

Of course my boys were starving and beating on each other relentlessly. T.Puzzle was melting down and I could barely form a coherent sentence into the phone. After about ten minutes, my friend and I gave up on the phone call and she told me to call her when my life had settled down. I told her I couldn’t do that, I like her too much. If I waited until my life had settled down, T.Puzzle and Full Speed would be college age. She laughed at that. She’s a good friend and she thinks I’m funny (even better).

She also is curious why I don’t have a nickname for myself in my blog. I told her it’s because I am the creator and since it’s from my point of view a nickname is unnecessary. If I did have nickname it might be Double D (not only my initials but extremely ironic if you know what my figure looks like), Sweet Cheeks (catchy isn’t it?) or Hot Mama (no irony intended). Still, I think for now, I will go nickname-less. Of course, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. Try to steer away from ‘Double A’ because that would clearly hurt my feelings (I’m very sensitive and the truth hurts).

Nickname or not, I’m still very much Mommy. Full Speed and I have been spending loads of time together on this adventure to excellent vision. Today (since he is still home from school) he requested a date night with his Mom at Applebee’s (which meant lunch without Mad Dog or T.Puzzle). Full Speed thinks it’s the coolest thing in the world to go on a date with his Mom. I think it’s pretty cool, too! I’m hopeful he won’t feel the same when it’s time for his prom. That could be awkward. Especially if he saw my interpretation of the Electric Slide.

humor, mommyhood, parenting

Don’t Shoot

WFAM

Could someone please explain to me that while it was Full Speed that went under the knife, I’m the one who is not recovering very well? I’m tired and cranky. I need a nap. Unfortunately, I’m the only one in my house that does.

Full Speed has been a chock full of energy and back to his old self. He has started in with his million and one questions per day quota and has again been asking me to spell out everything. I love that he is curious about letters and spelling but is it necessary for me to spell ‘Incredible Hulk’ ten times a day? At least I know he is feeling good. His eye looks great and he only took Tylenol twice post-op. I couldn’t ask for more.

I have both boys with me today and I decided that we should stay close to home to give Full Speed some more recovery time. I am writing this in the eleventh hour of my very long day wishing Mad Dog would hurry up and get home.

The good news is the boys are already bathed. I did separate baths because I wanted to keep the bathing environment more controlled for Full Speed’s post-surgery eyeball. While I was bathing T.Puzzle, Full Speed kept running in and out of the closet shouting, “HERE I AM!” I could tell his energy level was on the verge of exploding so I tried my best to ignore him (I want him as calm as possible so that he may heal well). It did not matter if I paid attention or not, he continued this nonsense for a solid ten minutes. The plus was that I always knew exactly where he was.

After T.Puzzle was bathed and P.J.ed and while I was dressing Full Speed post bath, he informed me that he was glad T.Puzzle was borrowing his Cars pajamas. Full Speed has sort of lost interest in the Cars characters as he gets older and he likes to share his Cars clothing with T.Puzzle.  I complimented Full Speed on what a thoughtful big brother he was. I told him he was an excellent sharer. He got quiet and thoughtful for a minute. “When I have my birthday and get a gun for a present can I share it with T.Puzzle?” This may be the one instance where sharing could backfire in a major way.

Sometimes it’s easier to agree than fight his thought process. I was thankful at least he was willing to share his firearm. He will be the most thoughtful gangster on the block.

 

mommyhood, parenting

Spittin’ Mad

WFAM

JRI have to confess, this did not happen yesterday but the night before. When it happened, I already had my post completed, saved and had it ready to go for the next day. I didn’t realize I would have such a blog-worthy evening with Full Speed. Lucky, lucky me.

I mentioned that he was slightly out-of-control at the doctor’s for his physical and the subsequent activities that followed. It’s almost that he has forgotten that I am the one in charge. He is acting up and being very, very silly. I do enjoy silly as humor is the honey that gets you through life, but what he is doing is different. It feels class-clownish, disrespectful and spastic. I don’t like the overall vibe. I’m guessing he is feeling nervous about his impending surgeries and he is expressing it via goofy antics. Even though I know this intellectually, it doesn’t always sink in for me in the middle of one of his spastic attacks.

Mad Dog was with our handy-man getting to the bottom of our flooded garage (which is finished- I know, it’s a Florida thing). I took the boys upstairs to bathe them. Right off the bat Full Speed is running around naked jumping all over. He runs up to his brother, konks T.Puzzle on the head and darts away. Since I had already had more than my fill of this type of behavior, he is immediately and harshly punished. He’s not allowed to play in the bath and he is only in it for cleansing purposes. He does not get to wear his Daddy’s jersey to bed (Daddy’s jerseys are like the holy grail to Full Speed) and he has to wear baby pajamas instead.

Of course he loses it and screams and cries and says he’s sorry. He starts yelling “Mommy, I LOVE YOU!” in the most pathetic and dramatic way he can muster. I say, “That’s nice; you’re still going straight to bed.”

At this point he is out of the tub and realizes that sucking up to Mom is not going to work. So he goes the opposite direction (all the while running around completely nude) and shouts, “Mommy, I DO NOT like you. I DO NOT like you anymore.” At some point during this whole fiasco, he tries to spit at me. I can put up with a lot, spitting for some reason pushes my buttons beyond limits.

I manage to tackle him into submission and force a onesie on him. In T.Puzzle’s room I had managed to uncover this onesie that has Grumpy the dwarf on it. Both boys wore it when they were right around two years of age. It is clearly too small for Full Speed but I power it on him anyway to make my point. I can tell by now, he likes me even less than he initially thought. I pick out some too-small Cars pants and the lovely ensemble is complete. He looks like a mini-angry old man. It’s unintentionally funny. In the moment however, it is completely humorless.

He is boiling. I can almost see the steam coming from his ears. He tries again switching gears and goes the sweet route, “Mommy, I LOVE YOU! I’m SORRY!” His tone is now laced with desperation.

“I understand that Full Speed, you might have thought of that when you were making bad choices about your behavior. I appreciate it, but you are still going to bed and you are wearing what you are wearing.”

It’s on now. “Mommy, I DO NOT LIKE YOU!” he screams.

At this point, Mad Dog comes up and asks “What is going on up here?” He is curious to see the source of Full Speed’s bipolar state of mind.

He looks at Full Speed in his mighty-tighty pjs, looks at me (I’m guessing my expression said it all) and says, “You want me to put him to bed?”

Good call because I was spittin’ mad and I didn’t want to set a bad example.

humor, mommyhood, parenting

Schizophrenia in the Parking Lot

WFAM

If you give your child (T.Puzzle) an Elmo sippy cup against his will (as he clearly was in the mood for one with Lightning McQueen) is that considered child abuse or are you digging your own grave? Well, I guess after a ten minute screaming meltdown (on T.Puzzle’s part not mine to be clear), I had my answer. My hole was dug. It was dug deep.

Yesterday as I prepared for Tae Kwon Do, I approached it as how I could make the situation easier. I was all about streamlining. I consolidated everything we would need into one bag and had the boys snacks and drinks ready to go in the back of the truck. I was no longer going to bring food in to the gym because it’s not allowed and it was hard to make T.Puzzle understand to leave it in the diaper bag. Therefore, I was going to allow them a quick drink and snack on the way there and that was it (T.Puzzle didn’t particularly care for this new way of thinking).

I did my best to relieve my stress. After I had picked the boys up from school, I placed them in the car feeling hopeful this was going to be the easiest Tae Kwon Do class yet. I successfully get T.Puzzle strapped in and he is munching away on his snack. Full Speed is indignant because I strapped his brother in first. “Well, if you learn to strap yourself in on your own, you could be strapped in first EVERY day,” I try to make it sound as enticing as possible. He informs me he can only strap himself in when in Daddy’s car but it’s too hard in Mommy’s (of course!).

I get ready to strap Full Speed in and a look of panic fills his face.

“Mommy! I have to pee!” he blurts out.

I start to weigh my options. I already have T.Puzzle strapped in and it might take too much time to get him undone, “Could you hold it until we get to Tae Kwon Do?” I ask already sensing that we are reaching emergency status.

“No! I have to go NOW!” he looks like he is on the brink of a panic attack.

“Okay, okay. Let’s get you inside,” I say with an air of calm I did not feel.

This is where it gets tricky. All I wanted to do was get Full Speed to a toilet as soon as I could. The way the bathrooms are set up in his school, you have to get buzzed in and it can get kind of harried as the lobby is filled with kids and parents being it’s the end of the day. I make the split-second decision to grab Full Speed and run inside. I manage to kick the truck door shut and trigger the remote lock over my shoulder as I know I have to leave T.Puzzle behind. I do this all while running at a breakneck pace across a busy parking lot carrying a thirty-eight pound Full Speed. Yeah, it’s all in a day’s work.

I manage to get Full Speed buzzed in and tell him I have to run out and make sure T.Puzzle  is okay. I’m imagining that T.Puzzle is upset at being left alone and sweating to death because even at four o’clock, it is 92 degrees and in the truck it is even hotter. So I frantically run as fast as humanly possible, pop open the door only to find him contentedly ingesting his snack. He looks up and says “Hi, Mommy!” I determine it’s probably in everyone’s best interest to keep him where he is and then lock him back in and run back to find Full Speed. I realize I must appear slightly schizo to the parents who are milling about. I am running (sweating my heart out) back and forth like a crazy person trying to meet the needs of my boys and keep them happy and safe. Schizophrenia in the parking lot, …. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

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PS- I have to give a shout-out to Mad Dog, he surprised us and met us at Tae Kwon Do, so it was the easiest class yet. I thank you and appreciate you!