parenthood – Page 2 – Writes for all Mommies

Oh Well(ness) Visit

09/01/201609/01/2016 WFAM

There are so many aspects of motherhood that get easier and easier as your children grow. It is so nice to be able to take the boys for their wellness check-ups and for the most part, they behave like normal people. For the most part,…

I no longer have concerns about Full Speed’s attitude or behavior while at the doctor. As for T.Puzzle, his behavior is generally really good, but his attitude is precarious at times.

Overall, his recent 9 year wellness-check went very smoothly. That is until we got to the portion where the doctor had to ask him direct questions. Left to his own devices, it’s hard to know what he’s going to say.

Doc: “What grade are you in?”

T.Puzzle: “Third grade.”

So far so good.

Doc: “What do you drink with your meals?”

Imperceptibly, I gulped.

T.Puzzle: “Milk.”

I’m glad he didn’t share with her the 14,000 gallons of Sprite he consumed over holiday break.

The rest of the questions he answered as you would expect. Grades? Fine. Wearing a bike helmet? Check. Favorite food to eat? Chinese (at least there are some vegetables in it, right?).

Then the questions turned to favorite hobbies.

Doc: “What do you do for fun?”

T.Puzzle: “Video games.”

I appreciated his honesty and since his weight and height were in a normal range for him, I don’t think the doctor was concerned. Also, the myriad of bruises and scars on his legs were evidence that he’s a rough and tumble kind of kid.

Doc: “What do you do to keep active?”

He looked to me to explain what she meant.

Me: “You know. When Mom and Dad make you play outside?”

He paused momentarily….

T.Puzzle: “It’s classified.”

So close…

Better luck next year!

im1.shutterfly — T.Puzzle with Mad Dog celebrating turning 9 at Legoland.

humor, motherhood

The Frog of Doom

11/11/201511/11/2015 WFAM

A while back there was a Dead Lizard Incident in my house. I found this unfortunate fellow in my Amazon box and consequently lost my ability to reason, but not my ability to purchase from Amazon (sorry Mad Dog). Full Speed had to rescue me and dispose of the limp, lifeless and oh-so-disgusting body. The point is, me and small, slimy-looking critters are not friends. If they stay away from me, I’m happy to let them exist, but if they come near me or worse yet, come in my HOUSE, I stop functioning as a proper adult.

Mad Dog is once again traveling for work. This means that I am the lone, sane adult person responsible for all remaining members of our household. Per my usual routine and ‘being the one in charge’ I went to our screened in lanai to let our dogs out first thing in the morning. As I did so, I absently placed my feet in my slippers. I noticed the toes on my left foot brushed up against something and proceeded to tap out the slipper to figure out what it was.

It was a frog.

Let me repeat, it was a frog.

For some strange reason, I didn’t panic. I felt nauseous and wanted to cry, but I held it together. I poked the frog with the end of the slipper and much to my horror, realized it had expired. My toes basically had touched a dead frog.

I’ll give you a minute while you let that sink in.

There aren’t words to convey how traumatic I found this to be. Again, amazingly I kept my cool, and proceeded to let the dogs out so I could start my day. I figured when the boys came downstairs Full Speed could ‘rescue me’ again and dispose of the body. I opened our back screen door and turned to tell the dogs to get a move on, and then, that’s when I saw an empty open space where I thought a dead frog should be.

The frog was not dead.

Let me repeat, the frog of doom was not dead.

To worsen matters, the doors to the interior of my house were still open. So, did it go in or did it go out? I didn’t know.

Well, there was much to be done. I came in the house, headed straight to the cabinet under the kitchen sink and grabbed the Lysol. After I sufficiently Lysoled my bare foot, as I could and still can feel the exact spot on my toes that had come into contact with the frog, I sat down to reason through my next steps. Clearly, I am burning the slippers, that is a no-brainer, and I plan to use the smoke from this fire to signal to Mad Dog that I have permanently relocated our family to a frog-free zone.

It’s what any logical, sane person would do, right?

children, humor, motherhood

Buckets of Fun

06/03/201506/03/2015 WFAM

As a wife and mother, I have learned to pick my battles. Over the years I have honed what is worth fighting for and what is not worth the effort. I have even gone so far as to fully embrace the Buckeyedom that envelops my family’s life. Ultimately, I’m more concerned about my family as a unit than what team we cheer for (however, please note, I will be cheering for the Illini in the Big Ten basketball tournament).

Being immersed in the Buckeye culture, I’ve come to look forward to our annual Buckeye Cruise for Cancer (over 2 million raised this cruise for the Urban & Shelley Meyer Fund for Cancer Research). This was our eighth Buckeye cruise and the first time we decided to take the boys. It happily coincided with a National Championship win. We all had a blast.

Our Cruise Day Arrival

Boys meeting Anthony Schlegel, a Buckeyes’ Strength and Conditioning Coach

Family pic with the National Trophy

Full Speed politely dancing with meâ€¦I love this kid!

T.Puzzle’s awesome balloon hat from Cozumel, Mexicoâ€¦love that smile!

At the Cozumel dock

Upon our return, as I’ve already allowed some Buckeye decor into my home, I wasn’t all that excited to add more helmets and footballs signed by who-knows-what. In my opinion, we have plenty. Then, it all came down to a bucket. Why on earth did Mad Dog need to bring home a bucket from the cruise? Keep in mind, it was used poolside to hold beer. Yes, that makes it sound more attractive, right? It’s not. It’s a bucket.

It’s.

BUCKET.

Mad Dog passionately insisted we HAD to bring the bucket with us. So what if it advertises a beer we don’t drink? Who cares that we don’t really need it for really anything at all? The only thing that matters is that it has a Buckeye logo on it. That is it. That is all.

I didn’t fight it. The bucket is home.

Now, if it was a Downton Abbey bucket, then, it would be amazing AND completely necessary!

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

One Stop Shopping

17/08/2012 WFAM

Both boys are now at the same school. Oh, how I love one stop shopping. I couldn’t have asked for a better first week. Did I mention T.Puzzle started kindergarten? I’m handling it surprisingly well. When I feel a wave of abandonment descending upon me, all I do is picture his happy little face as he bounces out the door, and then I am reassured. I will not allow myself to wallow in sadness when clearly, my kid is happy. Still, I can neither confirm or deny the shedding of a tear or two on T.Puzzle’s behalf.

The week started with their school orientation and meeting their teachers. Before entering the school premises, I sternly lectured/threatened my boys. They were so excited that I knew their self-control would be questionable at best. They held it together incredibly well. Of course, once we returned home, they wrestled like crazy for almost an hour (no injuries to report, thank you!). I can honestly say, I have never had the urge to violently wrestle my sister after having behaved in a mannerly fashion for an extended period of time. Not once.

By the end of the week, a new drop-off routine has emerged. Full Speed has taken his job as big brother seriously and escorts T.Puzzle to class in the morning. Full Speed even stated that walking T.Puzzle to class is one of his favorite things about his new school year. Coincidentally, that is one of my favorite things he has ever said.

Here’s to a great school year!

children, family, humor, motherhood, parenting

Two. That’s All Folks!

28/07/2012 WFAM

T.Puzzle and Full Speed getting ready for a surrey bike ride when we lived near Milwaukee a few years ago.

Agreeing to disagree on a variety of issues is a cornerstone of marriage. There are compromises on things big and small. As long as both involved feel they ‘win’ at least some of the time, life can run fairly smoothly. It’s when it comes to the bigger ticket items that you both have to be completely on the same page. For instance, the number of kids you plan to bring into the world, if any at all for that matter, must be as close as possible. This number can change and shift as unforeseen circumstance arrive. Initially, Mad Dog and I had talked about having a big family. As pregnancy turned out to be one of my least favorite states of being and as Full Speed and T.Puzzle evolved into their strong-willed, glorious selves, I was quickly convinced two kids was more than enough. Recently, Mad Dog has been pondering the possible expansion of our brood. I think I could be open to this notion down the road, say when I’m about 90 years old and don’t remember who or where I am. I’m sorry, but my boys have worn me out. I believe I am only beginning to safely tread the waters of motherhood and even so, I still feel regularly challenged beyond my normal capacity.

Fortunately for me, two recent events have diminished Mad Dog’s inkling for family expansion. First, we had lunch with friends that we hadn’t seen in a very long time and finally met their two, extremely adorable boys. We met at a restaurant and I was flooded with memories as their very active nearly three year-old motored about the perimeter of the table and their nine month old baby insisted he needed to be held during the entire meal (to be honest, if I was that cute, I would insist on it, too). As we talked with our friends, the little conversation we could manage over the normal hustle and bustle of raising small children, the more I appreciated my spirited boys who at least are able to independently eat a meal. Mad Dog appreciated this, too. This was a relief to me.

The second event was T.Puzzle’s recent surgery (he is doing fantastic by the way). In the first days post-surgery, I had given him pain meds throughout the day and night at regular intervals. I don’t do well with sleep deprivation (putting it mildly). This is why the newborn phase was and never will be, my shining moment in motherhood. Somehow, Mad Dog does not remember this. He claims to only remember the good. Seeing my cranky face at the end of this week managed to bring it all back into focus. Who knew being cranky could work so much in my favor?

I think I dodged a bullet. At least, I sure hope I did.