children, humor, kids, marriage, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

No and Yes

One of the goals of parenthood is to teach your children to be independent.  In theory, the more they are able to do on their own, the more freedom it will give you.  However, sometimes in the process of teaching your two boys who don’t pay attention to details the art of loading the dishwasher, it can turn slightly calamitous.  Somehow water ends up everywhere but the sink and they will attempt to start a load for only two plates when I’m not looking.  This load is done without detergent of course.  In their defense, those two, lonely plates really did shine.

I try to be patient, I try to let some things slide…especially my feet in the watery abyss surrounding my dishwasher, and yet there are still daily tasks for the boys I haven’t allowed them to do.  

Over the weekend I went for a morning run leaving Mad Dog in charge.  When I came home, I asked if he had followed up on the parentally supervised tasks of the boys’ morning.

Did they get their vitamins?

No.

Did they get their glasses cleaned?

No.

Is their hair combed?

No.

Did T.Puzzle get his nasal spray?

No.

Finally in exasperation Full Speed declared, “Everything you are going to ask Daddy the answer is going to be no!”

Mad Dog didn’t miss a beat.  “That’s not true.  You have to ask the right questions.”  Then he went on to list all the questions he would easily be able to reply yes to.

Are the boys protected?

Do they have a roof over their head?

and, this one’s my favorite…

Do they have love?

Yes, yes and yes.

So, let’s ponder this for a moment.  To quote Full Speed (he gleaned this little gem from a movie), “Happy wife, happy life.  Unhappy wife, stone-cold misery.”

children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Count Me Out

Full Speed has a tendency to wake up angry. He naturally channels this anger at his brother which often culminates in physical violence. Full Speed was feeling extra saucy this morning and released a flurry of kicks and punches upon his brother. When it came time to brush teeth Full Speed had managed to stop the physical attacks (thanks to some threats and coaching from Mom). Instead, he attempted to keep his little brother intimidated by striking a menacing pose topped off with a fierce grimace. After being mostly whiny (and who can blame him?) T.Puzzle had enough and finally fought back landing a blow squarely on Full Speed’s stomach. At this point I didn’t care who started it, who kept it going or whatever.

“Guys, knock it off. The next person that hits or kicks their brother is getting their first strike of the day. You know the rule, hands and feet to yourselves while we brush teeth.”

Full Speed denied any culpability and surprisingly didn’t throw T.Puzzle under the bus, “Mom, T.Puzzle used his elbow so it doesn’t count.”

That’s when Mom started to count to keep her own aggression at bay.

I ended up counting to a million and seven.