children, humor, motherhood

Beating the System

Recently, I’ve taken a more laissez-faire approach to parenting.  I’m trying to instill personal responsibility in my boys.  For instance, they need to make their beds each day, and if they don’t, they will get an earlier bedtime.  I don’t fuss about it, it just is.  Either you want the later bedtime or you don’t.  Your bed will show me.

Full Speed decided to bypass this system.  When Mad Dog and I turn in for the night, it is part of Mad Dog’s ritual to check on the boys and make sure they are tucked in and comfortably asleep.  What did he find?  Full Speed lying on top of his perfectly made bed curled in a little ball for warmth.  You technically never have to make your bed if you never use it.  Nice try, but get yourself under those covers.

reenactment of what it looks like to sleep on top of covers
reenactment of what it looks like to sleep on top of covers

Where does this slyness come from you may wonder?  Well, as I walked into my formal living room, what caught my eye but this nifty little piece of decorating…

Buckeye Shoes, REALLY??
Buckeye Shoes, REALLY??

When I agreed to letting more Buckeye memorabilia creep into the corners of our home, I’m pretty sure gym shoes were not anywhere on my radar.  But technically, I never said out loud, “Please, no athletic shoes as part of the decor.”

I.

Can’t.

Win.

children, family, motherhood

The Living, Breathing, Walking, Talking Contradiction

T.Puzzle brought home an assignment.  He needed to read an article, write three facts he learned and give his opinion about the content.  I thought it was an ambitious task and asked him how he felt about it.

“I think it will be easy except I don’t really remember what an opinion is,” he replied.

“That’s ironic since you are full of them,” I said as I went on to describe what it means.

That’s T.Puzzle for you.  Full of honest feedback all of the time, whether you want to hear it or not. Most of the time not, but even in the moments when he is shockingly honest, I admire his ability to speak his mind.

For example, in our house, if a parent asks you to do something, you are expected to do it the first time.  T.Puzzle has yet to master this.

“T.Puzzle, please take the dogs out,” Mad Dog asks.

“I thought the dogs were YOUR dogs,” is his reply.

He says stuff like this all the time.  The words roll right out of him with no thought of impact or consequence.

He is a wonder to me.  When it comes to sports, he is such a passionate competitor, that he is often yelling at his teammates (he even gave his coach a talking to after letting the opposition score in a practice scrimmage!) or stomping out of the backyard as not enough plays fall his way playing football with his brother.

On the flip-side of this often impertinent, highly competitive young man, lies this ginormous well of empathy.  You have to watch him closely and for days at time to catch glimpses of it, but when you find it, it’s spectacular.  While he likes to see others fail at something finding it hilarious, if he thinks someone is being hurt, it deeply touches him.  Whenever we watch a movie where it seems as if someone is being injured, he needs to sit by me and we have to talk through in detail how it is all make-believe.  Recently, on a trip home with Mad Dog and Full Speed, there was a very bad traffic accident.  Having seen the smashed up cars knowing people had been in them made T.Puzzle quiet for a long time after.

In the mornings, on the days Full Speed works out with Mad Dog, T.Puzzle and I sit in silence.  We seem to be on the same wavelength.  In this perfect silence I sense the totality of him.  He is one-third Mad Dog, one-third me and one-third of something else entirely.

How will this wonderful mash-up of a personality unfold?

I have no earthly idea, but am so grateful to be a part of it however it turns out.

One minute frustrated over losing a game…

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Snuggling with our dog in the next…

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LOVE this kid!
children, health, humor, motherhood

The Birds and the Bees

In a world where children are becoming more sophisticated earlier and earlier, I have been keenly aware of the changes in my boys, namely Full Speed.  Yes, his body may not be totally ready to burst into manhood, but I’ve had a feeling for a while now, that complicated questions have been churning in his mind.  I’ve always had a healthy sense of denial about the actual ‘birds and bees’ discussion because frankly, I thought I could pawn it off on Mad Dog.  Oh, how I loved living on this little island of glorious, ignorant bliss where all I would ever talk to my boys about were sports and movies about sports.

Both Mad Dog and I felt like the time for the serious conversation had arrived.  Mad Dog had the brilliant idea of finding some books about the changes boys face (see? I don’t even want to type the word puberty) and giving them to Full Speed since he is an avid reader.  This way, he would get all the information he needed and would be a good basis for Mad Dog to have the necessary discussions with him.

Life was so much more simple when books about Elmo ruled

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Well, this didn’t go exactly as planned.  Full Speed, like his nickname implies, read the books speedily in one sitting.  Then, he proceeded to get a stomach bug that night and I was left home alone with him, for an entire day with all these questions swirling about.  I did what I had to do.  I talked to him about things in such detail it would have made a sailor blush.  While I was talking, I sort of had an out-of-body moment as I observed myself saying these almost unspeakable things out loud to my BABY.  I was woozy and light-headed.  Even though my insides cringed, I kept a calm exterior going.  I didn’t need to add to Full Speed’s confused wonderment by being flighty.  I had to sit there and I had to say it and I had to act like it was no big deal.

I think we both grew up a lot during this conversation.  At times, I felt like I was speaking to the adult version of my son, at other times, I could see the shocked little boy within him.  Either way, the timing and the conversation felt right.  I left the room knowing that he is armed with the correct information, he knows that his parents are there for his questions no matter how embarrassing and that some of the details of growing up are just plain gross.

All I can say is when it’s T.Puzzle’s turn, Mad Dog…. I happily pass the torch to you.

children, humor, motherhood

Life or Death Football

Imagine long ago the intensity of competition in a gladiator arena. As these men battled for their lives, one could understand that emotions would be volatile. When playing a sport on the beach or in the backyard, I’m not quite understanding a need for such emotional volatility.

My sister and her extremely awesome family came for a visit. While we were staying at the beach, it was only natural that this time would evolve into a sporting event of some sort on the sand. The first game we played was touch football. It was my two nieces and Full Speed vs. myself, T.Puzzle and Mad Dog.

(series of photos showing boys’ near daily, often serious backyard football training)

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This may shock you, but I am not very gifted as a football player. I don’t let this stop me because if everyone doesn’t take it too seriously, my lack of skill and poor understanding of what I am supposed to be doing, is actually quite entertaining. Like I said, if you don’t take it SERIOUSLY.

Unfortunately, both my boys take it hard-core seriously. It’s like we are all back in that gladiator arena and if we lose, we DIE.

Thankfully, Mad Dog thinks I’m adorable so when I stink up the field, he happily lets it go. I find wearing short-shorts or extra tight pants helps my cause with him, too.

However, with my boys, you know, the ones I carried in my body for NINE months and gave LIFE to, they have no mercy for their dear, old Mom.

T.Puzzle yelled at me when I dropped a passed. Then, he yelled at Mad Dog for not passing to him and making the awful decision to throw it to me. When Mad Dog did pass it to him and he dropped it, he yet again yelled at Mad Dog for his ‘terrible throw!’. When my super awesome niece, made a super awesome catch that she marched into the end zone, I hugged and congratulated her.  T.Puzzle was appalled. “Mom, how could you cheer for the other team!?!” He was so mad he could barely look at me.

On the other side of the field, Full Speed was completely frustrated by his inexperienced teammates. Sometimes, as QB, he would throw it in the sand on purpose instead of risking a throw to one of his unqualified (in his mind) receivers.  Then, on the rare occasion my team would score, he would take his anger at this out on T.Puzzle. This could be a late hit, an early hit or any rough hit in between which all are completely illegal in a game of TOUCH football.  When one such hit reached an extreme level, I intervened and called a do-over for that down for my team. If looks could kill, Full Speed would have murdered me on the spot.

Mercifully, the game ended and T.Puzzle handled the loss graciously of course. He stalked off the field and refused to play anymore for the rest of our time at the beach.  Super fun.

I was so glad that it was over and I said to my sister who had witnessed the game in its entirety, “Wow, my boys and their level of competitiveness is pretty brutal.”

She kindly said, “They are both very passionate and hate to lose. It’s a good thing.”

“Really?” I replied. “Because I just find it annoying!”

If I hadn’t been on the field, I may have found it more amusing than anything else (or if I wasn’t genetically responsible for them). I’m guessing by the time they learn to manage their competitiveness a little better (as Mad Dog has to some degree), I will be too old to play anymore.

Either I need to grow some thicker skin to keep playing now, or wait it out and purchase a beach-compatible motorized wheelchair so I can rain down the thunder thirty years from now.

children, humor, motherhood

Buckets of Fun

As a wife and mother, I have learned to pick my battles.  Over the years I have honed what is worth fighting for and what is not worth the effort.  I have even gone so far as to fully embrace the Buckeyedom that envelops my family’s life.  Ultimately, I’m more concerned about my family as a unit than what team we cheer for (however, please note, I will be cheering for the Illini in the Big Ten basketball tournament).

Being immersed in the Buckeye culture, I’ve come to look forward to our annual Buckeye Cruise for Cancer (over 2 million raised this cruise for the Urban & Shelley Meyer Fund for Cancer Research).  This was our eighth Buckeye cruise and the first time we decided to take the boys.  It happily coincided with a National Championship win.  We all had a blast.

Our Cruise Day Arrival

Our cruise day arrival

Boys meeting Anthony Schlegel, a Buckeyes’ Strength and Conditioning Coach

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Family pic with the National Trophy

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Full Speed politely dancing with me…I love this kid!

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T.Puzzle’s awesome balloon hat from Cozumel, Mexico…love that smile!

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At the Cozumel dock

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Upon our return, as I’ve already allowed some Buckeye decor into my home, I wasn’t all that excited to add more helmets and footballs signed by who-knows-what.  In my opinion, we have plenty.  Then, it all came down to a bucket.  Why on earth did Mad Dog need to bring home a bucket from the cruise?  Keep in mind, it was used poolside to hold beer.  Yes, that makes it sound more attractive, right?  It’s not.  It’s a bucket.

It’s.

A.

BUCKET.

Mad Dog passionately insisted we HAD to bring the bucket with us.  So what if it advertises a beer we don’t drink?  Who cares that we don’t really need it for really anything at all?  The only thing that matters is that it has a Buckeye logo on it.  That is it.  That is all.

I didn’t fight it.  The bucket is home.

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Now, if it was a Downton Abbey bucket, then, it would be amazing AND completely necessary!