Category: marriage

children, grief, kids, life in pictures, loss of parent, marriage, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery

Love & Birthdays

WFAM

 

Happy 6th birthday, Full Speed!

 

I am having many mixed feelings about Full Speed’s sixth birthday today.  I am excited for him and happy his remarkable growth and change are being marked in such a celebratory way.  The challenge is not having my Mom here to help me celebrate or to share in all the wonderful milestones Full Speed has achieved in the past year.

It was hard enough that she wasn’t here to offer support and guidance when he started kindergarten.  Now, with each passing year, Full Speed is growing into who he is meant to be and she won’t be able to see it.   I wish she could because this kid is only getting better with age.

As the distance grows from the last point in which my Mom was in my life, it is ever more shocking to my system that she really isn’t coming back.

I’d also like to apologize to Mad Dog for my extra crazy, unpredictible moods as of late.  I am in the last stages of processing my Mom’s absence and while I will never fully let her go, I will move forward in a more even-handed manner.  I promise.

All I can do is my absolute best.  I will celebrate the good times in my present and honor the sadness as it floats up from my past.

I am grateful for the time that I had with my Mom.  I believe the joy I have managed to create in my own little corner of the world is possible through her choices and example.   I watched and I learned.  I made some different choices of my own.  Most importantly, I was loved.

Thanks, Mom.

children, gratitude, happiness, life in pictures, marriage, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery, self-image/self-acceptance

Yes and No

WFAM

My gut reaction is always ‘no’.  I do not like to be spontaneous.  I like plans and think that sticking to them prevents meltdowns and unnecessary drama.  This is my weak attempt at controlling life.  Do routines and plans give me comfort?  Yes.  Do these routines and plans always work out how I want them to? No.

Part of evolving as a woman and a parent you have to look at yourself and try to make some changes.  You have to look at all parts of the whole.  Some of these parts are not so great.  How do you know when you’ve found a not so great part?  When you examine it you feel uncomfortable in the pit of your stomach.  That uneasy feeling is your signal you’ve hit pay dirt.

My hidden issue is control.  Growing up I learned to endure an often challenging environment by becoming an impossible perfectionist.  Spontaneity doesn’t really jive with this.

So, why did I marry someone like Mad Dog?  He is at heart a spur-of-the-moment kind of guy.

I married him because somewhere deep down I knew my cookie-cutter ways needed to be challenged.

Yesterday when we were on our way to the outlet mall to buy Full Speed some long pants Mad Dog said, “Let’s see if we can find you a dress and take the boys to a nice dinner.”

Oh, well let me tell you every part of my being screamed ‘no!’.  I was in exercise gear, no make-up and hair disastrously unwashed (I was wearing a baseball cap no less!).  I tried to imagine finding a flattering dress, trying it on, having it actually fit all the while keeping my boys from wreaking insane havoc on the store and its patrons.  I started to sweat, my heart rate increased and my anxiety shot through the roof.

But, I didn’t say no.

I made the conscious effort to know this is my first instinct, and while it has been my coping mechanism in the past, my life is such that I don’t need ‘no’ as a crutch in the same way.

Okay, there was one point when I was agonizing over the size and color of the dress and T.Puzzle and Full Speed were running boisterous laps that I was about ready to throw my hands up in defeat.  Instead I pushed through.  I found a dress, we grabbed some nice shirts for Mad Dog and the boys and went and had a fancy ocean side dinner.

Change is good.  In fact, it’s ocean breeze-awsome scallops-good wine-great company fantastic.

Related Articles
children, humor, kids, marriage, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Right On

WFAM

Mad Dog and I were trying to coordinate the evening.  He was driving back from getting a haircut with Full Speed when he was finally able to get a hold of me.

“Sorry, about that.  I was just talking to my boss,” Mad Dog explained as to why he couldn’t take my call a few minutes ago.

We then went on to discuss what needed to picked up at the grocery and the final details of dinner.  Full Speed was in the backseat listening intently to Mad Dog’s end of the conversation.

When our call ended Mad Dog turned his attention to Full Speed who by this time had a burning question.

“Dad?  Is Mom your boss?”

Even though Full Speed misunderstood our phone exchange, I think all Moms would agree with me that technically speaking, he was actually very, very right.

children, gratitude, happiness, humor, kids, marital blissishness, marriage, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting

Birthday

WFAM
Ohio Stadium, home of the Ohio State Buckeyes ...
Image via Wikipedia

Heading into my birthday weekend (yes, I turned 36), I had the weighted guilt of bad-mommy mojo slowing me down.  When I picked up T.Puzzle from school on Friday after only his second day back, I felt huge relief that the incident memo I received from his teacher was a result of an injury.  Thankfully he had not physically lashed out at another student. It’s hard to feel like an awesome Mom when my first thought over such a thing is “Yay!  My kid tripped, bit his tongue and cried.  Oh, thank  god!”

Sorry, T.Puzzle.

What’s a girl to do?  Only thing she can, hire a babysitter and go away for the night with your husband I guess.

Mad Dog has a simple formula for a successful marriage.  Since he is married to an emotionally sensitive woman and her birthday celebration unfortunately seems to always coincide with an Ohio State Buckeye‘s game, his answer is simple:  spa, baby!

Yes, my marvellous man sent me to the spa while he hung out at the hotel’s sports bar.  It was a win-win.  Literally, the Buckeyes won.  After I returned from the spa, we went on to have a spectacular dinner and a lovely time.

Full Speed and T.Puzzle in happier times

When the fun was over and we were driving home I received a text from our sitter that T.Puzzle had bit Full Speed.  Was it bad that my first thought was to ignore the text and as we approached our exit to home, tell Mad Dog to skip it and keep on driving??

Of course I texted her how to handle the fall-out and Mad Dog and I promptly emptied our wallets for our eternal gratitude for our babysitter and any lasting emotional distress she may incur.  Anyone that survives an overnight with Full Speed and T.Puzzle is alright by me.

I’m just thankful T.Puzzle bit his brother instead of her.

Sorry, Full Speed.

Related Articles
children, kindergarten, marriage, mommyhood

Full Speed Ahead

WFAM

It was Sunday morning. The next day Full Speed will start kindergarten. I stared at the wobbly whir of our bedroom ceiling fan while in my chest sat a complicated and pained heart. I turned to Mad Dog and said, “I’m really freaking out about Full Speed’s first day.”

He said, “Why? The kid has been in school for years. I don’t understand all the stress. It’s not like he’s never been in a classroom.”

I tried my best not to reach over and smack him on the head. All I said in response was, “Thanks, that was extremely comforting.” I laced it with as much sarcasm as I could muster. Trust me, I have loads.

A couple hours later I was stressing myself out over attempting to pre-pay on-line Full Speed’s first, official school cafeteria lunch. However, I needed his student ID# and I have yet to receive that. It was really stressing me. I know it’s not rational. I know it has more to do with my firstborn starting kindergarten and all the change that comes with that. I’m not great with change.

My shoulders inched up towards my ears and my brow twisted up in irritation.

Mad Dog, sensing my frustration, came over and said, “I get that it’s different for you. When Full Speed came into this world he was attached to you in a way I don’t get. I know it will be hard for you to separate from him tomorrow. Me? You know, I’d just throw him in the deep end (see post yin and yang) and be done with it.”

I was so grateful that Mad Dog acknowledged how different this process would be for the two of us. That brought my anxiety down by about 1 percent. The rest of the 99 percent I plan to deal with by consuming lots of chocolate.

As for Full Speed, he is ready to conquer kindergarten. This is one instance where having a child who is the complete opposite of me (thrives on change, extroverted, and monstrously assertive) is a huge blessing. It almost makes up for all his stubborn-filled, tantrum-ridden, openly defiant toddler through age four years.

Almost.

Full Speed tests out his desk at kindergarten orientation.

Go get ’em, Full Speed!