motherhood – Page 29 – Writes for all Mommies

Summer Memories 2015

09/08/2015 WFAM

This summer was the first time my boys ever played organized basketball. There was a part of me that really dreaded this. On some level, I knew my boys were going to have some challenges mastering the sport. I was absolutely right. They both quickly learned that remembering all the rules, dribbling while in motion and taking a shot with someone twice their size right in their face were all rather impossible. On a positive note, they both looked absolutely adorable in their uniforms. So, basically, they always have their looks to fall back on.

In all seriousness, I knew the season was going to be tough when the first team the boys played was adult-size and had been playing together for six years. I actually thought it could have been longer than six years as I was pretty sure I had seen their center driving his own car to the game (not really, but I did want to check his birth certificate to verify his supposed under 10 age). Needless to say, my boys are not so motivated to hoop it up anytime soon. Long live soccer!!

Over the course of summer, in between basketball practices and games, I got to spend a tremendous amount of time with my guys. For the most part, I found this time to be truly delightful. I enjoyed their humor, their company and their energy for life. It wasn’t all smooth. There were some classic moments such as these:

Full Speed and the Situation I took the dogs for a walk and instructed the boys to get themselves ready for soccer camp. Here is actual text communication sent from Full Speed, “Where are you? We have a situation with the Gatorade bottle.” Two minutes later I received this text, “The problem is I can’t open the Gatorade.” Thankfully, this ‘situation’ was quickly resolved but the text cracked me up for the rest of the day.
T.Puzzle’s Hug Aversion T. Puzzle hates it when I ask him to hug me. He acts as if he is being sentenced to death and tries all sorts of creative ways to get out of it. I told him to ask his brother how to handle it. Full Speed said, “When Mom wants a hug, just man-up and do it.” Still, to no avail. I eventually had to take a hard line with him and he will give me hugs but there is still a lot of resistance. So, it surprised me when he approached me for what seemed like a genuine unsolicited hug. “Wow, T.Puzzle, that was so nice.” He looked at me and said, “Dad told me to find you and said I had to hug you, so I did.” Okay, thanks?
Full Speed’s Independence When your ten year-old has ‘situations’ with Gatorade bottles, sometimes when you ponder the future, you wonder if he will be able to live independently. Full Speed was looking in the fridge and he couldn’t find something. “Mom, where is it? I can’t find it anywhere!” I walked over, opened the door and promptly found it in two seconds. I said in a rather exasperated tone, “I really am going to have to live with you when you are older, aren’t I?” He replied, “No, Mom, because I’m going to be the one who puts everything away so I will know where stuff is.” Touche’.
T.Puzzle’s Future Living Arrangements Since Full Speed has established in his mind that he will be living independently from his parents in the future, he has lots of ideas about how this will happen. He talks about possible occupations, where he wants to live and hopes I will take care of his dogs when he has to travel. When I ask T.Puzzle about the future he is often mute on the subject. Even though he is hug aversive, deep down, he really is attached to me and I think he can’t fathom living anywhere else than where he is right now. Full Speed’s solution is simple. T.Puzzle can live with him. Well, that’s all fine and good, but I’ve noticed Full Speed can be very particular in his ways. T.Puzzle is a little more free-flowing with life. “How are you going to live with your brother if he annoys you on a regular basis, Full Speed?” He answer was simple, “My house, my rules.”

THE END

family, humor, motherhood

The Growing Problem

23/06/201510/02/2018 WFAM

I know I have a weird denial about my boys growing bigger. Part of it is for the obvious ‘don’t-want-them-to-grow-up-too-fast’, the other part is I sincerely dislike taking them clothes shopping. Since we were at the pool this past week and my boys were in their very small, very short swim trunks, my denial of taking them shopping was starting to crumble. As I looked around, I realized that they were in the minority. And, come to think of it, they were about the only ones at basketball camp that didn’t have the standard, down-to-the-knee basketball shorts. I mean at one point the shorts they wore did fall to their knees, but no longer. Darn. Time to go shopping.

I wanted to make this outing as quick and painless as possible. Once we were at Target, I grabbed a bunch of clothes in various sizes and we headed to the dressing rooms. Something about the dressing rooms, maybe the small space, the awkward corners and unstable walls, makes my boys go crazy. I think it’s what I refer to as their ‘pretend sense of control’. Mad Dog has this. When he is asked to do something he doesn’t want to do, he then tries to push my buttons about a series of unrelated topics. Eventually, he does what is asked, but it certainly comes at a cost to my own mental sanity. I believe this is what the boys were doing. They started to act crazy to let me know that they were NOT happy to be trying on all these clothes.

However, instead of me completely losing it, I actually kind of found it funny. Not entirely so, but a little. I laughed when Full Speed tried on the way-too-big pair of shorts, and when he said he needed a ‘schmedium’ (a size between a small and medium). When T.Puzzle begin to army crawl between the stalls, thankfully, we were the only ones there, I didn’t yell or tell him he had to stop. I let him army crawl away. I figured at least he wasn’t complaining and it gave me time to sort through the remaining sizes and clothes.

Then it hit me. I need to stop having these impossible expectations about shopping with my boys. They are going to be crazy. They are going to hate it. And, maybe, if I stop being so serious about it, we can laugh a little and maybe leave the store with a little bit of dignity intact…. or not…..

im1.shutterfly — Where’s a schmedium when you need it?

motherhood

The Story of a girl and her Buckeye (the Prequel)

31/05/201531/05/2015 WFAM

Now you know the girl had a happy ending. She found true love and had two, awesome little Buckeyes. But, there’s more to the story.

Before there was the Buckeye, there was just the girl. She was a quiet girl. She grew up tucked away in the cornfields of Illinois in an unassuming one-story house on an unassuming tree-lined street. This quiet girl loved her Mom dearly. When the girl would arrive home from school she would find her Mom watching the Cubs on WGN. At first the girl didn’t think much of baseball, but she thought much of her Mom. Over time, she was slowly indoctrinated with a die-hard love of the Cubs. It was in her genes passed all the way down from her Grandmother. You can’t fight genes.

The girl’s bond with her Mother, and remember, they already were quite close, grew stronger over a shared love of the Cubs. The Cubs were often uninspiring to watch and even though the girl and her Mom cringed each time Harry Caray slurred his way through a seventh inning stretch, they were faithful to their team. Of course, there were moments of glory. The ’84 Cubs stirred hope in their hearts and while this season brought great joy and this amazing song- Men in Blue – it ended in heartbreak as practically every Cubs’ season does since the dawn of time (boo Padres!).

So, how exactly does the Buckeye factor into all of this? Turns out, he was not much of baseball guy (growing up, soccer was more his thing), but attending college on the far, far north side of Chicago lends an easy transition to Cub fandom. The girl suspected initially his fandom was less about the baseball and more about the ever-available and free-flowing beer of the Friendly Confines’ bleachers. No matter, he was a Buckeye who grew to appreciate the Cubs.

And, that’s how they met. The girl, her Mom, her Aunt and Cousin all travelled to Navy Pier to go on a Cubs’ charity dinner cruise. There, they got to meet their favorite players (yes, the girl still has a soft spot for Mark Grace), and there, the Buckeye was. He was seated at the table next to them. He was with friends and the girl didn’t notice him at first. However, SEVERAL other girls noticed the Buckeye (the girl didn’t find this out ’til much, much later).

The Mom, the girl, the Aunt and the Cousin on that fateful night

To her credit, the Cousin recognized the Buckeye appeared to be without a date. Being that she knew the girl was very, very single, encouraged the girl to talk to him. Initially, the girl did not agree to talk to the Buckeye as she was skeptical of all men, but since she was giddy at having schmoozed with so many handsome Cub players, she reluctantly agreed. He offered to take her to Wrigley Field and watch a game from the bleachers. She had never watched a game from the bleachers and as a die-hard fan, this offer was extremely tempting.

It took a couple weeks, but eventually, the girl and the Buckeye set up a date. The girl wasn’t very nervous as she had all but given up on love. She was just happy to get a free ticket to watch her Cubbies in person (she was also extremely poor at the time). She took the bus from her northside neighborhood and met the Buckeye at his apartment on Sheffield. Yes! He actually lived across the street from Wrigley. Wow! Maybe this Buckeye was something special.

the charming Buckeye grilling on the deck of his Sheffield apartment

The girl didn’t know it, but she pretty much fell in love with the Buckeye right off the bat. As we know, the Buckeye was a lot slower in this regard. A. LOT. So began their up and down romantic history which included countless bleacher games at Wrigley Field. It wasn’t always a fairy tale, but it turned out amazing in the end (the relationship, NOT the Cubs’ season).

Once they were married and raising their boys Buckeye, they still followed the Cubs closely. However, soon after starting their family, tragedy struck. The girl’s Mom got sick and passed away so suddenly, it crumbled the girl’s world completely.

The girl’s heart was shattered into a million pieces. She didn’t understand how just when her little Buckeyes were getting more awesome every day, that her Mom wouldn’t see them grow up. She wouldn’t be there to call when the girl didn’t know if she was mothering them correctly. She wouldn’t be there to laugh with, or cry with.

The girl was lost.

Six years later, the girl was still a little bit lost without her Mom to anchor her. And, during those six years of grief, the girl couldn’t bear to watch the Cubs and not just because they were terrible (as they usually were), but because watching them without her Mom was too deeply painful. It hurt her soul to watch them.

The girl was pretty sure she would never love baseball again. She focused on her little Buckeye family and let the Cubs drift slowly away from her.

Somehow, the Buckeye sensed under all her hurt, that the girl still loved baseball. This baseball season he made a decision. He would get the girl access to all the Cubs’ games on TV and download an MLB app on her phone (which is awesomely addicting). The girl doesn’t know how he knew she was ready, but she was. The brokeness of her heart, while not quite fully healed, had scarred over enough that it made watching the Cubs bearable. Actually, she had healed enough that she was excited to watch them play. Hearing the crack of the bat, watching a perfectly executed double play and hearing the fans of Wrigley cheer made her happy once again. She couldn’t believe it. And, to add to her happiness, her two little Buckeyes have shown the beginnings of their own Cubs’ genes emerging. Finally, she could share something with them that was unique to her. It was amazing-ness.

Time doesn’t necessarily heal all wounds, but it makes it possible to live life anew. While the girl will never share a Cubs’ World Series victory with her Mom (or with anyone for that matter given the Cubs’ history), she can at least remember she really does love baseball. She really does love her Buckeye and she really does love her boys.

And, she really was the most blessed daughter to have had a Mom as special as the one she was given.

Love you always, Mom.

children, family, motherhood

The Living, Breathing, Walking, Talking Contradiction

30/04/201530/04/2015 WFAM

T.Puzzle brought home an assignment. He needed to read an article, write three facts he learned and give his opinion about the content. I thought it was an ambitious task and asked him how he felt about it.

“I think it will be easy except I don’t really remember what an opinion is,” he replied.

“That’s ironic since you are full of them,” I said as I went on to describe what it means.

That’s T.Puzzle for you. Full of honest feedback all of the time, whether you want to hear it or not. Most of the time not, but even in the moments when he is shockingly honest, I admire his ability to speak his mind.

For example, in our house, if a parent asks you to do something, you are expected to do it the first time. T.Puzzle has yet to master this.

“T.Puzzle, please take the dogs out,” Mad Dog asks.

“I thought the dogs were YOUR dogs,” is his reply.

He says stuff like this all the time. The words roll right out of him with no thought of impact or consequence.

He is a wonder to me. When it comes to sports, he is such a passionate competitor, that he is often yelling at his teammates (he even gave his coach a talking to after letting the opposition score in a practice scrimmage!) or stomping out of the backyard as not enough plays fall his way playing football with his brother.

On the flip-side of this often impertinent, highly competitive young man, lies this ginormous well of empathy. You have to watch him closely and for days at time to catch glimpses of it, but when you find it, it’s spectacular. While he likes to see others fail at something finding it hilarious, if he thinks someone is being hurt, it deeply touches him. Whenever we watch a movie where it seems as if someone is being injured, he needs to sit by me and we have to talk through in detail how it is all make-believe. Recently, on a trip home with Mad Dog and Full Speed, there was a very bad traffic accident. Having seen the smashed up cars knowing people had been in them made T.Puzzle quiet for a long time after.

In the mornings, on the days Full Speed works out with Mad Dog, T.Puzzle and I sit in silence. We seem to be on the same wavelength. In this perfect silence I sense the totality of him. He is one-third Mad Dog, one-third me and one-third of something else entirely.

How will this wonderful mash-up of a personality unfold?

I have no earthly idea, but am so grateful to be a part of it however it turns out.

One minute frustrated over losing a game…

Snuggling with our dog in the next…

children, health, humor, motherhood

The Birds and the Bees

19/04/2015 WFAM

In a world where children are becoming more sophisticated earlier and earlier, I have been keenly aware of the changes in my boys, namely Full Speed. Yes, his body may not be totally ready to burst into manhood, but I’ve had a feeling for a while now, that complicated questions have been churning in his mind. I’ve always had a healthy sense of denial about the actual ‘birds and bees’ discussion because frankly, I thought I could pawn it off on Mad Dog. Oh, how I loved living on this little island of glorious, ignorant bliss where all I would ever talk to my boys about were sports and movies about sports.

Both Mad Dog and I felt like the time for the serious conversation had arrived. Mad Dog had the brilliant idea of finding some books about the changes boys face (see? I don’t even want to type the word puberty) and giving them to Full Speed since he is an avid reader. This way, he would get all the information he needed and would be a good basis for Mad Dog to have the necessary discussions with him.

Life was so much more simple when books about Elmo ruled

Well, this didn’t go exactly as planned. Full Speed, like his nickname implies, read the books speedily in one sitting. Then, he proceeded to get a stomach bug that night and I was left home alone with him, for an entire day with all these questions swirling about. I did what I had to do. I talked to him about things in such detail it would have made a sailor blush. While I was talking, I sort of had an out-of-body moment as I observed myself saying these almost unspeakable things out loud to my BABY. I was woozy and light-headed. Even though my insides cringed, I kept a calm exterior going. I didn’t need to add to Full Speed’s confused wonderment by being flighty. I had to sit there and I had to say it and I had to act like it was no big deal.

I think we both grew up a lot during this conversation. At times, I felt like I was speaking to the adult version of my son, at other times, I could see the shocked little boy within him. Either way, the timing and the conversation felt right. I left the room knowing that he is armed with the correct information, he knows that his parents are there for his questions no matter how embarrassing and that some of the details of growing up are just plain gross.

All I can say is when it’s T.Puzzle’s turn, Mad Dog…. I happily pass the torch to you.