Category: motherhood

children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Santa Shops the Clearance Bins

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T.Puzzle asked me if Santa knew everything.  I told him Santa knew a lot but maybe not everything.

He pondered this a moment.

“Mom, Santa doesn’t know everything.  He gave Full Speed a Hotwheels video for Christmas and we already have that one.”

This was an extremely valid point.  What I wanted to say was, “Well, maybe Santa was stressed out trying to remember every, tiny holiday detail and was trying his best not to disappoint anyone and keep all of his commitments to his friends, family and children’s schools.  Maybe he realized at a last moment he needed to keep things equal between you and your brother and had forgotten to get a video for Full Speed.  Possibly he was frazzled beyond belief and happened to find a Hotwheels video in the Walmart clearance bin for three dollars and he took it as a sign that Full Speed was meant to have that video as a stocking stuffer and he didn’t have time to cross-reference Full Speed’s entire video library before purchase.”

Instead I just said, “He probably wanted Full Speed to have one he could take on trips with him.”

Thankfully, T.Puzzle left it at that.

T.Puzzle with Santa before he began to question Santa's overall knowledge base.
children, gratitude, humor, kids, marriage, motherhood, parenting

No Question About It

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When Mad Dog traveled for work this week, it actually went fairly smoothly at home (please, no one tell Mad Dog this).  The boys did go over the hyperactive deep-end one of the evenings he was away.  Blissfully, it was my monthly book club meeting and my incredibly patient babysitter suffered the brunt of their antics.  So while the week had been good, it was not without its bumps.

Additionally, my cell phone was broken which effectually ceased all my communication with Mad Dog.  While he is a champion of text-returning while away on business, connecting by phone with him is nearly impossible.  There was an unexpected bonus to this.  I was not subjected to his thinly veiled ‘suggestions’ on how to keep things in order on the home front.  He often will do this cleverly in question form.

Examples:

1.  Did the boys help you bring in the recycle bins?

Translation: Sure hope you remembered to put out recycling.

2. Was the bank busy when you were there?

Translation: Sure hope you remembered the check I asked you to deposit.

You get the idea.

These kind of questions used to push my buttons.  Now, they only kind of do and mostly I find them to be humorous.

Fortunately for me, as Mad Dog has evolved, so have his questions.

Examples:

1.  How do you manage to look younger every, single day?

2.  How did you get so beautiful?  (this one is my favorite)

At the end of the day, there is no question about it.  I sure do love that guy.

children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Mom Knows Beast

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In a house full of men no one believes that Mom, undeniably a girl, might actually know what she is talking about.  What separates Mad Dog from the boys is that he is wise enough to keep a good attitude despite the circumstance or at the very least feign compliance.  So when it was decided that all three boys were taking Mom to see Beauty and the Beast it went over like a ton of bricks.  Like I said, at least Mad Dog pretended that was exactly how he wanted to spend his Sunday afternoon.  Little T.Puzzle was initially on board with this movie idea.  Then, after he realized that Full Speed thought the movie was going to be, “too long and very boring,” he thought he might feel the same way.

The ride to the movie theater, which thankfully is only a mile or two away, was as if we were driving to the end of the world.  The boys appeared so sad that I started to have some serious second thoughts.  However, I have sat through countless movies with robots, machine guns, karate fights, etc., that I thought these guys could suck it up and watch a singing teapot for the next hour or two. 

Turns out T.Puzzle was won over as soon as the first song played.  Full Speed leaned over and begged me to tell him if the spell of the Beast was broken by the end of the movie.  He giggled his way through the funny parts and covered his eyes when Belle was attacked by the wolves.  By all accounts, this kid was invested in what happened to the Beauty and/or the Beast.

I may not know the ins and outs of Transformers, football or dinosaurs, but maybe, just maybe, every once in a great while, I actually do know what I’m talking about.

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children, kids, motherhood, parenting

Partners in Crime

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I picked up T.Puzzle early from school today.   I had lunch with Full Speed the day before and it was my attempt to keep things equal.  Little T.Puzzle was so thrilled to see me.  We came home, had lunch and I got to enjoy a conversation with him.  Usually his older brother dominates our family talks so it was nice to let T.Puzzle speak without interruption. 

After lunch I explained that he needed to play on his own for a bit while I got caught up on some of my super very favorite things like laundry and dishwasher duty.  I’m not sure if he caught the sarcasm there.  As I attacked my chores while singing showtunes to express my joy over sorting socks, he wandered around like a lost puppy.  He eventually gave up trying to figure out what to do on his own and laid down on the couch in defeat.

I think someone is missing his partner in crime. 

T.Puzzle in happier times with Full Speed by his side.
children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Agree to Disagree

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Even though I am a mother of two boys, I don’t understand them.  Not even in the slightest.

For example, I don’t understand random, inappropriate bodily functions at the dinner table.  I don’t understand them nor do I find them rip-roaring hilarious like my boys do.

I also don’t understand how Full Speed allowed the following to happen.  He had sustained a fairly painful knee injury at school.  Of course I gave him a generous amount of motherly sympathy and asked him how it happened.

“Well, I asked two of my friends if they could beat me up,” he replied as if this was the most normal thing in the world. 

Apparently his friends were quite successful thus the ‘terrible’ knee injury.

I asked him why he did that.

“I don’t know,” he said.

In all my years on this planet I have never once asked anyone, let alone multiple people, to beat me up.  I told Full Speed exactly that.

He smiled and shrugged at me.  I sensed he thought I might be missing out on a valuable life experience.

 Agree to disagree.