marital blissishness

Sometimes

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Sometimes all you want to do as a Mom, or for that matter, as a woman, is watch something on television that doesn’t involve sports, cars, cartoon characters, blood, guts and don’t forget my favorite,… violence.

How does a lady find her zen in a house that is dominated by the opposite gender?

I am clearly outnumbered here.

All I’m in the mood for is to eat some chocolate and watch me a show with emotional themes and gripping drama relating to these emotional themes.

Sometimes that is a really tall order in my house and sometimes I have to settle for a violent, man-show because that is what marriage and compromise is all about.

I’m not a very gracious compromiser.

And sometimes, that’s the best I can do.

children, mommyhood, tantrums

Attitude Cleansing

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We went to our neighborhood egg hunt. There were many lectures about no wrestling, no biting, no tackling and no fighting over eggs. I was filled with apprehension as we waited for the ‘go’ signal from the sidelines. The eggs were spread across a big field like jellybeans and my heart caught in my throat as I waited to unleash the boys into the egg hunt frenzy. I appointed Mad Dog  to T.Puzzle-watch because he was my boy most likely to attack anyone who might get in his way.

When it was time, they gathered their eggs without incident. Little T.Puzzle even went so far as to hand an extra egg to a toddler girl. Very chivalrous of him.

Then we went to Walgreens to get a photo with the Easter Bunny. At the start of the egg hunt I was filled with loads of mommy-guilt because I hadn’t taken them for their traditional Easter Bunny photo. Turns out, Walgreens was my savior. There was no one in line and we got a great package of a profusion of photos for only five bucks. Can’t beat that.

So, I was feeling relieved. Relieved because the boys did great at the egg hunt and because I was able to get their Easter photo. It was all going so well until little T.Puzzle found a ball that he ‘needed’ to have. I told him to put it back because we would have to see what the Easter Bunny might bring us tomorrow. He starts to tantrum and it was only reaching about a level four when I picked him up and… he smacked me across the face. Mad Dog intervened and took him to the car. I’m not sure what punishment took place but when I returned to the car at least little T.Puzzle offered an apology. Nothing makes one more proud than when your own child waps you in the head. I guess he was reminding me that while he can behave at times, ultimately, he doesn’t really like it.

We tried to rally and headed to the car wash. For some reason, watching the cars get washed through the window is an activity of wonderment if you are a boy aged 3 or 5. And as much as I wanted to, I didn’t put little T.Puzzle in the car and send him through the car wash with the windows down. I will admit it was tempting and it might have been an original way to clean up his attitude.

children, life in pictures, mommyhood

See Spot Chew

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Since he was a baby, little T.Puzzle has carried around and slept with two blankets. One has a Brutus the Buckeye (Ohio State University’s mascot) attached to it and the other is a little blue dog. Of course, these blankets have seen their share of wear and tear. It doesn’t help that he is constantly chewing and picking at them (especially his Brutus, the edging is just about in shreds).

We were in the truck on our way home from vacation and little T.Puzzle had his blankets in his lap (thankfully, both traveled successfully across the country and back) when he proceeds to start chewing on his poor, helpless doggie blanket. When I look back to see why Full Speed is saying, “EW! What is that, T.Puzzle?”, I realize the stuffing is starting to come out of little doggie’s head. It was quite gross because at first glance, the wet, stuffing pouring out of T.Puzzle’s mouth looks like an undistinguishable mound of white goo. I actually was glad to identify it as the inside of his stuffed animal because that brought down the ick factor considerably.

I immediately tell T.Puzzle that he can’t chew on it any more. Of course he tests me a few times and then I have to say, “you chew on it again, I’m taking doggie and Brutus away and you will be in time-out.”

Full Speed throws in his two cents. “Mom, I’ll be your spotter. I’ll let you know if he does it again so you can put him in time-out.”

He was very serious about his role as ‘spotter’. I guess anything to help get his brother in trouble. Ah, the joys of sibling rivalry. Now, if only Full Speed was as good at sewing as he is at throwing his brother under the bus. I have a feeling Mom, doggie and the soon-to-be-disastrous attempts at needle and thread repair could really use the help.

children, parenting, self care (or lack thereof)

Shout Out to Mad Dog

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Mad Dog could tell I was about to lose it. I was unsuccessfully trying to get little T.Puzzle to poop on the potty, which let’s be real, may not happen until he reaches puberty, and Full Speed was not helping the situation. Both boys were fighting and misbehaving and I couldn’t take it anymore.

That’s when Mad Dog took over. He told me he would watch the boys for the afternoon and made me some appointments at the spa. Then, when I returned, he hired a babysitter and took me to a lovely dinner.

Before he took over, Mad Dog announced, “Boys, you will be spending the afternoon with your father. It will be just the guys.”

Little T.Puzzle looked befuddled. “You’re not my father,” he said. We all stopped and looked at him trying to figure out what he was getting at. “You are my DADDY!” Oh, well that makes sense I guess.

I had a wonderful time at the spa. I even went to the shops they had nearby. It is an amazing feeling to walk into a store and not have to worry about spontaneous wrestling or the possible breakage of merchandise. I’m telling you it’s the little things like this that bring out the most joy in life.

When it was time to hand over the little men to the care of the babysitter, I was filled with apprehension. Not because of her, she was perfectly kind. It was BECAUSE she was perfectly kind. I worried the boys would be so out of control she would be tempted to toss them over the balcony. They really hadn’t behaved very well for the past several days. I could also tell by Mad Dog’s wearied expression and the shortness of his fuse that the boys had been in their full glory for their afternoon of ‘just the guys’.

While Mad Dog and I dined, I expressed my frustration with little T.Puzzle’s terrible threeness and Full Speed’s naughtiness. I was feeling like quite a failure in the motherhood department and was just about ready to quit my ‘job’ and outsource it to a nanny, neighbor or relative. I let it go after a bit. I think the two glasses of wine with dinner helped me to do so.

When we returned to our room, I cautiously crossed the threshold and waited to hear the horrible tales of what had transpired in our absence. And you know what? The babysitter had nothing but positive things to say. In fact what she said was glowing. My boys were ‘incredibly sweet’, ‘got along and played together great’, ‘were courteous’ and she even went so far as to say I was doing a good job as a Mom. I bit my tongue because my sarcasm was screaming for me to ask her if she had tripped at some point and had hit her head. I couldn’t fathom that the two boys I left behind were so amazingly well-behaved. It felt really good to have an outsider approve of the job I’m doing after a rough couple of days.

So, now we are wrapping up our family vacation adventure. We started our day off with a room-service breakfast which the boys ate out on the balcony. Yum!

Then, it was time to take my two over-the-top and thankfully, very cute and lovable boys, pack them up and hit the road for home. And, I know the adventure doesn’t end even though our vacation did.