children, gratitude, happiness, mommyhood

Good Stuff

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Life is all about celebrating the little things. You successfully poop on the potty and that’s a reason to cheer (it’s nice because your Mom cheers, too). You get to wear big boy underpants, and life is good!

Or, if you are old enough and have good reports from school, your Dad takes you to work with him.

If your Mom is lucky, she gets to pick you up from downtown and spend the rest of the day with you. Then, when you say stuff like ‘Mom, I really like dating you,’ it makes her day.

This is some of the good stuff.

marital blissishness, mommyhood, potty training

A Mixed Bag

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I had little T.Puzzle seated on the potty because I knew a poop was coming. He hadn’t pooped the day before or all morning long. He also had just inhaled his lunch. I figured it couldn’t hurt.

He did about two, good stretches on the potty, each lasting 15 minutes or so. During the second set as it was winding down, I had given up, left the bathroom and fielded a call from Mad Dog. While chatting with Mad Dog a panicked little T.Puzzle shouts, “Mommy, I pooped on the potty!”

I screamed so loud I’m sure Mad Dog experienced hearing loss and nearly dropped the phone in my excitement. I shared the news with Mad Dog, quickly got off the phone and proceeded to make a complete fool of myself as I jumped up and down and yelled like a crazy person. It is hard to imagine living a life in which your happiness is so deeply tied to the bowel movement of another human.  This is a strange and disconcerting aspect of motherhood.

We celebrated with cookies, big boy underpants and made several, celebratory phone calls (it’s like winning an Oscar only better). Little T.Puzzle was pleased as punch. He strutted around in his Thomas the Train undies announcing to everyone and no one that he was ‘just like Full Speed’.

My excitement was short-lived because after dinner little T.Puzzle proceeds to poop in his Thomas pants and seemed unphased when I dramatically threw these pants in the trash (believe me, they were beyond repair). It was getting close to the end of the day and seemed pointless to put a new pair of undies on him. I decided to keep him pantless hoping that would prevent further accidents (many Moms swear by the pantless potty-training method) and I knew he would be in the tub for a bath in less than an hour.

The babysitter arrives as Mad Dog and I have a date nigh scheduled. I explain my potty-training adventure with little T.Puzzle and so she is prepared for the unexpected. As I’m explaining this, T.Puzzle pees all over the floor in the dining room. I clean up the mess, so much for pantless success, and help the babysitter get the boys in a bath. I look at the clock and realize that I haven’t heard from Mad Dog in a while and I should call him to check on his progress towards our date night. It usually isn’t a good sign if I don’t hear from him. That means he is caught up in work and may not be timely.

May not be timely turns into an understatement because when I call him he is still at work AND date night has slipped his mind.

My day was a mixed bag. It was full of surprise, excitement and more than one instance of disappointment. The good news is I know enough to hold on to the good stuff, realize everything is temporary (especially the bad stuff) and that in the grand scheme of things, I have life pretty darn good.

It helped that the movie Mad Dog and I saw, ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’ was a ridiculous (and sometimes gross), farcical, nostalgic good time and that Mad Dog is very, very cute. Just like his boys, this saves him every, single time.

children, mommyhood

Hope for Tomorrow

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I was home alone with the boys for the evening. It was going okay. I had taken them to the park to run some energy out so I think that helped. It didn’t help that they kept trying to knock each other’s glasses off each other’s faces, but the release of energy was good.

During dinner, they both started to get kind of sassy. Instead of finishing his plate like I asked, Full Speed tossed his unfinished food on the floor. The kicker is, he tried to claim he was ‘all done!’ I was praising him left and right until my eye caught the discarded food. I was not too pleased. Then, Little T.Puzzle decided not to sit still and eat his turkey. He had to be ‘coached’ considerably to finish his food while sitting nicely.

As I was preparing the boys for the end-of-the-day bath, they started to get very rambunctious (shocker, isn’t it?). I gave them my spiel that they had to follow the rules of the tub (sort of like the rules of the road but soapier). The first brother who broke a rule would have to immediately go to bed.

You know the rules were broken even before I wrote this, didn’t you? All little T.Puzzle did was toss a ball at his brother’s head. It didn’t even really hit Full Speed and I don’t even think Full Speed realized what happened. As much as I didn’t want to, I had to follow through on my threat for this slight infraction.

I grab him from the tub and tell him it’s bedtime. He sobs uncontrollably and says he’s ‘sorry!’ over and over. Big tears splash down his face and do nothing to quell his wails of torment. I put his pjs on him, brush his teeth and place him in bed. He proceeds to lament for the next twenty minutes. A very long twenty minutes I might add.

Eventually, I go upstairs and convince him to calm down. I explain that he needs to make good choices, listen to his Mommy and that tomorrow will be a better day. He quiets himself but seems incredulous that tomorrow will be better (especially with a Mom who is so ‘mean’).

I sure hope tomorrow is better, or that at least it produces fewer tears for all of us.

children, mommyhood

The Cheesed Omelet

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I had this brilliant idea. Full Speed didn’t have his regular VPK (voluntary pre-kindergarten) curriculum this week so I thought I would take him and T.Puzzle out for breakfast. We met my friend and her two, adorable daughters at IHOP. Sounds simple and uneventful, right?

First the chaos started when the boys played wild variation after wild variation of hotwheels games. But you know what? That’s normal. That’s just part of the process of taking my boys out for a dining experience. It’s a guarantee they increase a dining establishment’s energy level by about 100% and they will bring hotwheels. What got rough was the fact that it took close to FORTY minutes to get our food. Apparently they had to drive to the chicken farm that was miles away to get the eggs to make our pancakes. So as our wait time stretched on, everyone’s patience wore thin.

When we finally get our food (finally!!), I revel in the few moments of peace this will give me. Both boys were decidedly consumed with their breakfasts and therefore steadfastly quiet. That part of breakfast was lovely (it didn’t last).

Soon, Full Speed ate his breakfast quickly and asked for more eggs. The moms at the table quickly problem-solved his request by giving him some cheesy omelet from little Miss Cutie’s plate.

Well, you would have thought I was trying to torture him. He couldn’t believe cheese was touching his eggs and refused to eat it. Then, he proceeds for the next several moments to give me the stink-eye because he is so furious with me for giving him cheesy covered eggs. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I do have to admit, the stink-eye was pretty funny.

When it was time to depart, Full Speed was still very mad and not behaving well as we attempted our exit. He tried to tackle his brother who instantly became his partner in crime and we started to get ‘the looks’ from the surrounding IHOP patrons. ‘The looks’ consist of not-so-subtle stares that show wonder that I would take my animal-like children in public and relief that they are not me. The situation only worsened as I paid for our breakfast. I had to place Full Speed in a chair to keep him from attacking little T.Puzzle. He then whines dramatically over and over that he is ‘sorry!’ While these theatrics are in full swing, T.Puzzle manages to grab a plastic container of toothpicks, breaks it open and litters the cash register and floor with them. And guess what? More of ‘the looks’ from a new sub-set of IHOP patrons seated close to the register. I gathered up the toothpicks and what little dignity I had left, took my boys and got the heck out of there.

The next time I voluntarily decide to take both my children to breakfast, someone please stop me.

children, mommyhood

The Example

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I’m trying to teach Full Speed not to point out people who are different from him and make fun. He has already made some pretty embarrassing comments about a boy who weighed considerably more than him, and a man with an overflowing afro. I have had many discussions with him about the things that make us different are the things that make us special. I also use the example that if someone pointed out that Full Speed wears glasses and thinks it’s funny, how hurtful that might feel to him. His glasses are what makes him unique and being unique is quite amazing.

So, we are eating at Applebee’s and Full Speed notices a tattoo-covered man reach his arms over his head to stretch. I see what is about to happen as a little, devilish smile creeps across Full Speed’s face. He is just about to poke and make fun of the man’s tattoo-covered arms when I give him my meanest mommy-glare. His demeanor shifts instantly and he looks up at me with innocent eyes.

“I was just going to ask what that guy was doing, Mom. I wasn’t going to make fun of him (of course he says this at a loud volume possibly defeating any lesson I am trying to teach).”

I have to give it to him, Full Speed always has a creative defense whenever he is caught in the act of something naughty. I would poke fun at this but I’m trying to set a good example.