bad day, health, mommyhood, self care (or lack thereof)

A Frightful Sight

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Starting off the new year has been a bit rough. All family members have been displaying varying symptoms of illness. I think the post pic of T.Puzzle properly captures how we all are feeling (bad and sad).

I am a Type-A personality. Unfortunately, I do not have the physical constitution to withstand the demands of having this type of personality. When I get sick, I get hit hard. Call it stress, call it being run-down, or call it whatever, I hit a serious rough patch about seven p.m. My body aches had reached a level 9 and my throat pain was at about a 7. The chills I was experiencing were out of this world. I was heading into the 72 hour range of having flu symptoms and was downright miserable.

Inevitably, Mad Dog and I discussed how to get me medical intervention. After some heated discussion (heated only on my part because of my 100.5 fever), the best solution was to call TeleDoc. It is a service offered through Mad Dog’s insurance that will diagnose your ailments through a phone call and if they deem necessary, call in a prescription for you.

I was offered Tamiflu (an antiviral) and took it. Mad Dog was sent out into the night to our 24 hour pharmacy to get it. I took it and felt an immediate improvement in body aches and fever (my throat is still killing me). Tamiflu is a slight contradiction. It can cause nausea which is awfully counterproductive if you felt nauseous in the first place. However, since it improved my symptoms overall I’m not going to knock it.

I now realize real love is blind. As I sat at the table yesterday feebly attempting to consume some food, I was surrounded by my three guys. I hadn’t showered in three days, had the same clothes on from the day I first got sick and my face had broken out. No one at the table cared. They were happy to see me even if to look at me was a little frightening.

health, kids, parenting

If They are Alive, All is Well

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The only thing worse than being sick, is having to take care of a sick kid while you don’t feel well yourself. I have contracted what T.Puzzle had and it has manifested as body aches, sore throat and a double ear-ache. I slept a ton yesterday and went to bed early. I was woke up at around eleven p.m. as I heard a desperate, screaming Full Speed. I was so out of it but connected the dots quickly as Mad Dog brought him stripped down to our room.

“Did he puke?” I ask.

“Yep,” is all Mad Dog says.

It takes a lot of effort but I get myself up to lend a hand. I’m heading to his room to start cleaning. Since I feel so gross myself, I am unable to begin. The smell is overwhelming and normally, as a Mom, I have a stomach of steel, but since I don’t feel well myself, my stomach is a quivering mess. I must give props to Mad Dog, he dealt with the clean-up and I dealt with Full Speed.

I showered him, changed his pjs and made a makeshift bed of a sleeping bag, towels and bowl right next to me. He was pretty shook up but drifted to sleep quickly.

I still feel awful and am barely functional. Mad Dog is in charge. As long as my kids are alive, all is well.

children, gratitude, loss of parent, self-discovery

Happy New Year

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2009 was a landmark year for me. In the spring I lost my mother to cancer, and then into the fall my oldest son, Full Speed, braved two tedious eye surgeries and came through with much improved vision. The event that shaped the year the most was the loss of my mother. The grief process has been long and complicated. I have learned that the more you love someone, the harder it is to let go of them no matter how complex the relationship was while they were here. I also learned that the more you have to rely on your own strength to get through a day, the more you realize you actually have a lot more than you initially thought.

The most exciting and anxiety producing moments revolved around Full Speed’s eye surgeries. I learned that when you don’t know the ultimate outcome of a medical situation to always choose hope. It gets you through the moment and when you realize your most desperate prayer has been heard, you feel a mixture of relief and a certainty that you knew it would be alright all a long.

As for T.Puzzle, as much as I resisted it, the terrible twos will keep on going into the threes. Most likely I will have to wait until he is five before I can safely and confidently take him in public. I had always wished my second child would be slightly easier to manage and in some ways he is, but ultimately an even-tempered child is not in the cards for me.

Having survived loss, uncertainty, tantrums and joy, I am most grateful to have the ultimate partner in parenthood and marriage, Mad Dog. When I started my little blog that could several months ago, Mad Dog’s support has been a constant source of comfort and inspiration. His patience as I grieve for my Mom and my attempts to successfully parent our boys is remarkable. I love that I am creating a life with a man I love so much.

And, last but certainly not least, is this amazing blog. I started it for the simple reason that writing for me is like breathing. It is an absolute joy for me to sit at my computer and share my thoughts. As a stay-at-home mom it gives me a voice. I hope that my readers can find themselves in this voice. Hopefully you can relate, if not I hope that at least you can find the humor that surrounds us always. I’m excited to see where my boys take me in this New Year (hopefully not to the looney bin) and I hope you keep on reading.

Whether you are a man or woman, married or single, or a parent or not, life’s adventures always have a universal theme of love connecting them together. All anyone ever wants is to love and be loved. Everything else is just gravy.

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A Comment of Appreciation

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This is a special post of acknowledgement for my dear friend, Moni. When she reads my blog, she thoughtfully comments on each and every post. I appreciate all of her feedback and I appreciate her. She is an amazing and talented artist (thus the crazy art-type pic of my boys I put in this post is in her honor).

Thanks to her and everyone else out there sharing in this amazing journey of raising two unique, complicated bundles of energy. Looking forward to an amazing 2010 and hope you all will join me for the ride…., comments welcome!

children, marital blissishness, parenting

Dinner Out

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I remember a time in our early couplehood, Mad Dog and I could make plans on a moment’s notice. We could go where we pleased when we pleased and our leisure time was golden. When Full Speed entered the picture our carefree ability to make plans nearly vanished and then once we added in T.Puzzle, vanish completely it did.

This is not a complaint, it is a statement of fact. Of course early on I was so overwhelmed and shocked by the demands of motherhood that I would have complained incessantly about this loss of freedom (had I any energy). Now, I’m a little older, a little wiser and while I still get frustrated, I have slowly accepted that plans of a social nature were made to be broken.

Despite the fragile nature of plan-making, as parents you still have to make the effort. Sometimes you hit the jackpot and you can have a fun, child-free night out. Mad Dog had the brainstorm idea to go to a nice resort for New Year’s Eve as a family. We would participate in some family activities during the day and hire an on-site babysitter so Mad Dog and I could have a nice dinner to ring in the New Year. Then before plans were definitely made, T.Puzzle slimed me and all bets were off. Instead we spent the days leading up to this New Year’s Eve hoping T.Puzzle would recover (he almost has) and keeping an eye on Full Speed to make sure he wasn’t next in slime (you know what I mean and so far so good).

Since our grand plans never got off the ground, we did manage to get a short dinner out last night. We thought we may even try the movies but T.Puzzle was so over-the-top emotional arising from his afternoon nap, I had a very difficult time being away from him. It took immense will-power not to text our babysitter forty-seven times while dining. Mad Dog was patient with my anxiety and calmly assured me that T.Puzzle would be fine. He doesn’t know when he excused himself from our table for a moment it took Herculean reserve on my part not to pick up his cellphone and dial our sitter (I had made him leave it on the table so we could hear it better if she called or texted).

I never in all my life thought a dinner out would feel so complicated. We ended our night early of course and skipped the movie. That decision ended up seeming surprisingly simple. Too bad motherhood in general can’t be like that.