bad day, children, mommyhood

Know Better

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I’m having a casual conversation with parents that I don’t know very well. This is the point where you let slip some of your parental foibles and see precisely where they land on the recipients’ spectrum of normalcy. For instance, they might self-diclose that their children are impeccably behaved when dropped off at a friend’s home, and you might imply that you fear for your friends when you do the same. You are using humor to illuminate that while your kids are incredibly adorable, they may be less than perfect in decorum or behavior. Your hope is that the other parents will admit the same for their kids (at least a little). Let me tell you it’s a real bummer when you are the only one sharing a horror story and the faces meeting your gaze are blank with incomprehension. It also doesn’t help when you hear the phrase, “My kids would know better than to act up,” or “my kids were taught better than that,” in response to said horror story.

I self-disclosed that Full Speed had an unfortunate use of words when referencing his visiting cousins a while back. “Do you have any problems with bad language from your kids?” is my curious inquiry.

“My kids know better than to use a bad word, and they were taught better than that,” is the response.

Are you getting the same feeling I had? That the implication is that my kids don’t know better and certainly weren’t taught better.

I would try to draw the same conclusion but apparently I don’t know any better.

gratitude, happiness, kids, parenting

Peace on Earth

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We attended the Avondale Luminaria Celebration. It is a local community Christmas event. We have friends that live nearby and were able to get us parking as it is very crowded. Then we set out to explore the luminary lined streets on foot (simply beautiful). Essentially it is a festival of holiday lighted homes and vehicles that drive up and down the main drag with the passengers (some in Santa gear) tossing candy. There was a live nativity (little T.Puzzle couldn’t get over the baby calf) and of course another meeting with Santa. While waiting in line the boys almost reached their breaking point right as they were about to meet Santa. They were getting wrestly and antsy and almost knocked over some decorations. Luckily, as I could sense we were reaching the danger zone of behavior, it was their turn. They sat nicely on Santa’s lap and had a lengthy chat.

Full Speed made himself right at home with our friends insisting that he hold their hands as we paraded down the street. T.Puzzle followed suit as he has to do everything his older brother does. The boys shouted ‘Merry Christmas’ to all we saw and seemed to fully participate in the collective holiday cheer. It was a joy to watch.

My friend asked me a little about the boys and family. She commented that Mad Dog was an awfully quiet guy. I said he is mostly, however there are times he can surprise you. I could tell she didn’t believe me.

Full Speed had managed to claim her as his own personal companion for the evening and they begin darting among the crowd (at Full Speed’s insistent lead of course). At one point Full Speed and my friend got separated from the rest of us. Her husband, Mad Dog, T.Puzzle and myself stopped in our tracks hoping that soon we would be reunited.

We made the best of it while we waited. T.Puzzle and I watched the lighted cars go by and sang Christmas songs while Mad Dog watched the Steelers big comeback on his iPhone (so much for sacrificing football for family time; you will not be allowed to say that again, Mad Dog!). When the Steelers scored their down-to-the-wire winning touchdown, Mad Dog shouted so loud it startled me (and everyone in a five block radius). If only my friend had been there to hear that. Then she’d know Mad Dog’s not as quiet as one might think.

Turns out Full Speed and my friend had lost us in the crowd and decided to head back to where we had initially parked. No harm, no foul. On our drive home, two very tired but very happy boys were as quiet as mice. Apparently there can be peace on earth after all.

children, marital blissishness, parenting

The Agreement

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In the middle of the night Mad Dog and I have the tacit agreement that he is the one who rises with the boys. Within a partnership you have all sorts of agreements to help you figure out who does what. This has worked out fairly well for us. Since I’m mostly in charge of the boys during the day, Mad Dog pitches in by answering their random calls at night. Of course this agreement has emerged over time. Initially, when they were newborns, I was on 24 hour duty because of breastfeeding (which I disliked with extreme intensity; not all the time, just 92% of the time).

Mad Dog is one of those enviable sleepers. He falls asleep seemingly instantaneously and manages to remain deeply asleep through almost anything. I, on the other hand, battle insomnia, the occasional night terror and am clearly a general mess when it comes to sleeping. That’s why it helps tremendously when Mad Dog gets up with the boys instead of me. For me the process of getting out of bed, walking around and becoming fully alert completely messes with my already neurotic sleeping patterns. For Mad Dog it’s a small trip and then he is back in bed quick to slumber.

Another agreement we have is to sleep with our window open (this is Mad Dog’s absolute preference and I mostly don’t mind). So, the other night, I am laying awake listening to a sleeping Mad Dog’s even, peaceful breathing and I am about to doze myself when our window-shade is caught by a sharp breeze and slams against our wall. We both are jolted completely awake. I’m frustrated because I had been listening to the incessant tap, tap, tapping of the shade against the wall for what seemed like hours. I had wanted to shut the window before but knew per our open-window agreement, I could not.

“Could you please shut the window?” I ask in a curt tone. I know for Mad Dog to get up in the chilly room won’t prevent him from returning quickly to a snoozing state. He doesn’t see it that way and we proceed to have an ugly verbal exchange. Soon, I have leapt from the bed and storm over to the shade, slam the window down and return to bed in a huff. Slumber then eluded me for several hours more.

In the light of day, I apologized to Mad Dog for my midnight rant but said I didn’t understand why he was so hostile. He said he couldn’t believe I would actually wake him up to shut the window. He understands he is supposed to get up with the boys but waking him to shut a window was a bit extreme on my part. I tried to explain that it was the wind and the noisy shade that woke him. I still don’t think he believes me. No matter how many ‘agreements’ you have within a marriage, you still are going to find that you disagree.

children, loss of parent, mommyhood, self-discovery

Sad Smile

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December has not been the easiest month to get through without my Mom. I admit that when my sister was here I began to see glimpses of a newly constructed future without my Mom at its foundation. There is much happiness to be had. I also realized that by seeing the joy in my life doesn’t mean that I have forgotten my Mom, but that she is living on happily through me. However, as I have gotten deeper into the heart of this Christmas month, I am missing her more than ever.

Even though I am sad it helps to have my boys around. They are so enthusiastic about Christmas and all its wonder that I can’t help but smile.

Even a sad smile counts I suppose.

children, life in pictures, mommyhood

Doesn’t It?

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All I wanted was to take a simple picture before my boys left for school. Full Speed has been over the moon all week because today he gets to wear pajamas to school for their Christmas festivities. Every night before bed we had to discuss at length which pjs he would wear and what the day held in store. He is most excited that they get to watch TWO movies at school. He was so psyched this morning he was actually very nice to his brother (not a common, everyday occurrence). He even offered to help me load the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher.

T.Puzzle gets to wear his pjs, too. He thinks it’s fun but doesn’t see it as much different than wearing a Thomas the Train shirt to school.

They looked so cute that of course there needed to be photographic evidence of said cuteness.

“Stand next to your brother please so I can take your picture,” is my simple request.

Instead of standing there is a lot of movement, Tae Kwon Do instruction by Full Speed and punches and kicks. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it turned out all right in the end.

Sounds exactly like motherhood, doesn’t it?