children, life in pictures, mommyhood

Split Personality

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The boys had their Tae Kwon Do testing last night. They did spectacular. Full Speed’s focus was laser sharp and he was very loud (this is thought to be good in the land of Tae Kwon Do). Even T.Puzzle impressed the audience with how far he has come in six months (i.e.- he no longer screams and cries for twenty minutes at the beginning of every class). He executed punches and kicks well and even semi-shouted ‘yes, sir’. Usually you can barely here his tiny voice among his classmates. Full Speed legitimately broke his board and little T.Puzzle broke his too (with a smidge help from the instructor). Overall, I was pleased as punch with their remarkable display of self-control, discipline and mastery of the Tae Kwon Do curriculum.

I’m just thankful I’m not on a reality show followed by cameras 24/7. Not fifteen minutes before their great performance was set to start, Full Speed was sassing me because I had picked him up ‘too early’ from school. Huh? I guess he was angry that he didn’t have time to play with his friends outside. He then turned this anger on his little brother and began to alternately kick and hit him. Once I had the two now very unhappy boys strapped in the truck they begin to verbally fight over what rank they are. T.Puzzle kept taunting his older brother by insisting that Full Speed was only going to test for a white belt. This upset an already angry Full Speed who melted down in tears. I had to give one of my big ‘Mommy is Disappointed in your Attitude’ speeches that went on and on and looped this way and that eventually losing any trace of logic. It worked though, at least for Full Speed. He said he wanted a hug before we went inside. Once inside in the tiny torture chamber, oops, I mean tiny changing room, T.Puzzle decides this is the perfect time to tackle his Mommy over and over. He keeps coming at me from the left and then the right. He is relentless.

At this point I say a Hail Mary and do my best to refrain from saying what I really want to (yeah, I’ll admit, some of my thinking was angrily profane) and do my best to regain control of the situation. My hair is a tousled (not in a sexy way) mess, I’m sweating profusely and I’m squeezing my eyes shut so frustrated tears cannot escape.

How is it then, that behind closed doors me and my children are falling apart at the seams but to the world we can present a unified and even dignified front? ‘Why, why?’ asks the woman with the obvious split personality.

children, mommyhood, rock and a hard place, Uncategorized

Pet Problem

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I would give just about anything to have my dog back. I’m sure it would be a relief to Grandma and Grandpa who are so generously housing her. While T.Puzzle’s allergy to her is unfortunate, I hope that someday and some way she will come back to my house and my family.

At breakfast over syrupy waffles, Full Speed had what he thought was a lightbulb moment.

“Mom, T.Puzzle’s not allergic to cats! Let’s get a cat for a pet!”

“Well, sweetie, I’m allergic to cats so that wouldn’t work,” I say.

“Oh.”

I have clearly taken the wind from his sails. His shoulders slump and he looks defeated.

Then, another lightbulb moment. Full Speed’s face lights up as he thinks his has solved our pet problem.

“How about a horse? We can get it when he’s little and then set him free when he gets too big. Are you and T.Puzzle allergic to horses?”

No, but I’m allergic to requests and questions for which I have no answer.

children, mommyhood, Uncategorized

Forget the Park

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I decided to take the boys to the library park after school. I know their day is long at school but it usually bodes well for me at home if they can run some energy out. They were psyched as we pulled into the parking lot. As I looked across the field that stood between us and the actual playground, it resembled a muddy swamp. There were rivulets of murky water mazed throughout the grassy muck. I took one look and knew it wasn’t gonna happen. I told the boys we had a change of plans and would head to a park that was closer to home (and less of a mud disaster).

Full Speed was mad. He decided to have an awful attitude as we came upon our new location. At one point he decided to take a handful of mulch and throw it at T.Puzzle at point-blank range. Slowly and after a time-out or two, he readjusted his attitude and begrudgingly played.

I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that urged me to call our time at the park to a close sooner rather than later. They were both on edge and even though the weather was pitch perfect, I didn’t want to chance it. I announced it’s time to leave and then T.Puzzle goes into the throes of a level 9 meltdown. Slowly and after a time-out or two, he readjusted his attitude and begrudgingly left.

Why is it that when you are doing something out of the ordinary for your kids that it more often than not it completely backfires? It almost seems that the more good intentions and higher the expectations, the more it can fail. Then you bring home your two crabby kids and throw them in the bath (something they do all the time) and they have the time of their lives. Think of all the money Disney World would lose if parents actually caught on to this logic. Stay home and give your kids a bath instead.

By the way, did I mention we are considering a day trip to Disney sometime before the end of the year? Should be interesting.

children, mommyhood

My Winning Strategy

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Since T.Puzzle has turned three, I’ve been holding my breath for the dissipation of his terrible twos. Most Moms you talk to tell you the threes are worse but that has not been my experience. Like a fine wine (you know I had to use a wine reference) T.Puzzle’s older brother has gotten better with time. I’ve seen the same phenomenon with him. It’s groundbreaking and exciting.

However, and you know in the land of my boys there is always a ‘however’, he still likes to sass me, say ‘no!’ to just about everything, test his behavioral boundaries and throw raging (although less frequently) tantrums.

I went upstairs to inform the boys that dinner was ready. They were watching T.Puzzle’s  current favorite Thomas the Train movie, ‘Hero of the Railways’. They had not had a snack and T.Puzzle had taken a lengthy nap (hallelujah!) so I suspected they were famished.

Full Speed is game and he darts downstairs. T.Puzzle, well, he’s a different story.

“I not hungry! I not eat!” he proclaims.

I shut off the movie and tell him it’s now or never.

“I not eat! I not eat! I won’t go!” he cries. By this time angry tears are spewing from his eyeballs and he has dropped into the wet noodle formation. All caregivers are familiar with the wet noodle defense. His thirty-four pound body is now lying in a floppy heap on the floor. I have to clean and press him (I made sure to use my knees to protect my lower back) but I manage to get him off the floor and carry him all the way to the kitchen table.

He sits there in a huff. Everything Mad Dog and I offer him is, ‘I not want that. I not like that. I NOT EAT!’

Yeah, it’s getting really pleasant and fun. I’m just about to drop the hammer and send him to the corner when he picks up a piece of chicken and tentatively puts it in his mouth and begins to chew. Before you know it, he is putting the food from his plate in his mouth so quickly he looks like a robotic conveyor belt. He’s eating everything in sight. Before Mad Dog and I can even sit down to eat our own meals he’s asking for ‘MORE! MORE!’

I have always known that a good rule of thumb when raising energetic, active boys is to keep them well fed at regular intervals throughout the day. If this fails me and believe me it has, my other rule of thumb is to drink wine at regular intervals throughout the day. Either way I’m a winner.

children, gratitude, happiness, mommyhood

Touchdown! (Part Two)

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Mad Dog not only made me breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen, he has offered to take the boys to Box Seats again this afternoon.

I would write more but it’s jig dancing time again. I’m opting for a combination of Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ choreography with some old school Madonna ‘Holiday’ dance moves.

Come together in every nation, it’s time for a celebration!