Writes for all Mommies

Why is it that as soon as a hysterical, screaming two year old hits the pillow in their Mom and Dad’s bed they are instantly out like a light? You would think it would take a moment or two to calm down. Apparently, it does not.

One of the things I love about parenthood is that you can bond with almost anyone else who is a parent. This is especially helpful for a stay-at-home Mom like myself because it gives me permission to engage in conversation with adults throughout my day. Like yesterday when T.Puzzzle and I went to the grocery. He was having a joyful blast “driving” the cart shaped like a car. We talked to a Grandma who worked in produce who said he was “a very good driver”. We then chatted with a man who had the most adorable little girl dressed in head-to-toe pink. I commented on her attire a little wistfully. I told him having boys does not afford me the pleasure of buying clothes with lace and bows. He thanked me for my compliments and T.Puzzle told him he had started kindergarten this past week. Remember, T.Puzzle is only two years old.  He is such a liar sometimes and the world at large eats it right up no matter what he says. I think it’s his glasses, they are too cute.

So when Mad Dog and I had a much anticipated date night last night, it only made sense that I bonded with our waiter who happened to be a father of a very active three year old boy. It’s nice when some of the challenges you have experienced raising your own family can help another parent out. Our waiter was concerned that his son was not talking enough for his age. I said not to worry. He sounded so much like Full Speed.  Full Speed’s previous school in Wisconsin kept harping on me to have him evaluated by a speech pathologist. I think he was so busy mastering the physical world he couldn’t be bothered to take the time to talk. We moved to Florida before he was officially evaluated and the rest is history. Now you can’t get the kid to be quiet and he talks in complicated sentences that sound oddly like an old man who is a member of the Republican Party. I’m serious. As we left the restaurant I could tell the waiter seemed heartened by my story and that felt really good.

Here’s the thing about date night when you are a parent, it is hard to stay out to a respectably late hour. Our babysitter, who is a patient, energetic, lovely young woman whom I’m deeply indebted to, thinks Mad Dog and I are teetering on the edge of senior citizenship. Oh, she is much too polite to say it out loud but it is covertly implied. We didn’t even crack nine o’clock last night. Granted, I drank more wine when we got home so the date did continue for a little while. Regardless, we were in bed by ten.

When I drink a little too much wine I inevitably start asking Mad Dog ridiculous and redundant questions that he always answers the same way. He has much patience for this kind of thing. Which is good since it seems I drink too much wine on occasion.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” I’ll ask in a sort of pleading way.

Which he always dutifully responds “Yes,” or “Of course.”

“Will you still love me when I’m old and wrinkled?”

“Absolutely,” he replies without so much as the raise of an eyebrow.

“How can I be sure?” I throw the question out like a challenge.

“Hang around and you’ll see.” Good answer. It’s to the point and I found it to be pragmatically romantic if there is such a notion.

It’s a date Mad Dog, just don’t expect me to stay up past ten o’clock while doing so.

T.Puzzle and I had a lovely first day by ourselves. We went for a long bike ride (T.Puzzle has much more patience for that kind of thing than Full Speed ever did), met out Nan and Grandma for lunch (T.Puzzle cheered Nan considerably with his innate zest for life) and then he took a two hour nap. The nap was a pleasant surprise. T.Puzzle is right on the cusp of outgrowing his afternoon nap. As all Moms know, the letting go of naps is a sad time. I think I even wept a little when Full Speed gave his up when he was only a year and a half old (I really needed the break!). It was a good day indeed!

T.Puzzle and I made our way to pick up Full Speed from school. He was sitting off to the side of the playground equipment looking quite upset. His teacher said he had a good day until he karate-chopped his schoolmate. Yes, I know, this shouldn’t be surprising to anyone that he uses his Tae Kwon Do on the world. He had some issues with that this summer and had managed to control it over the past couple months until today.

Full Speed is in a rotten frame of mind. I have to threaten him about seven times that if he doesn’t readjust his attitude, he will be sent to his room when we return home. He holds it together while I immediately cook dinner upon entering our house thinking his crankiness is due in part to being hungry. Going to school daily is quite an undertaking for him.

We get through our dinner without incident. I had prepared a super-easy chicken-sausage/pasta dish with broccoli thrown in and the boys love it. I thought it was good too if I do say so myself.

Mad Dog comes home and it’s early for him. He arrives ten minutes before six (he will argue this point and say it was fifteen minutes before six or maybe even twenty; I’ll let it go this time), in our house that is remarkable. Here’s the thing about being married to the strong, silent type. You have to get your spouse’s bearings through mostly non-verbal communication. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but something was off with him. I’m guessing it was that within seconds of walking in the door the boys are at each other’s throats and Mad Dog is disciplining them left and right. Full Speed is nearing whining hysterics and T.Puzzle is weepy in need of much attention and comfort. Hey, all in a day’s work for me.

We get the boys seated with a snack so they can eat at the table with Mad Dog. I have this sometimes unrealistic dream that our family eats meals together seated at the kitchen table. I guess it makes me feel like I’m successful at this family thing.

T.Puzzle doesn’t like the cookies he is given so he launches into a level 5 tantrum. I told him his choice is to eat what’s given to him or leave the table. Hmm, on second thought, these cookies are delicious my Mommy! Full Speed tries to help but only sort of. He offers T.Puzzle one of his cookies which gets promptly tossed on the floor. Full Speed cocks his arm back and whacks T.Puzzle squarely on the head. Full Speed went to bed shortly after. Mad Dog and I realized his attitude could not be salvaged. When I helped Full Speed get his pjs on and brush his teeth I said, “let’s hope tomorrow is a better day.” He looked up at me and said, “I sure hope so.” Here’s hoping, keep your fingers crossed!

Back to Mad Dog. Since he is not outspoken and he tends to be in work mode a good hour or so after arriving home, we were having difficulty seeing eye to eye. I don’t think he realizes that I am not part of a corporate structure and I don’t take direct feedback very well. I need it coated in lots of sugar. You would think after so many years of being together he would know this about me. You would think I would learn that his blunt tone and manner are not a reflection about how he feels about me as a person. I guess the learning curve is steep sometimes. Bottom line, he didn’t care for the dinner I made and I cared too much that he didn’t.

Some days we click, some days we don’t. Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day for everyone.