I am getting better at the kindergarten drop-off. Full Speed is still doing awesome with it. He even does silly things to try to make me laugh (like putting his backpack on his head or doing a funny dance) as he walks towards the doors of school.
Even though it is going swimmingly, my heart still aches as I have to leave him there. Without realizing this morning, I inhaled sharply and let out a long, slow breath as I watched Full Speed get out of the truck.
T.Puzzle, who seems to have inherited some of my highly empathic genes, immediatlely asks, “What’s wrong, Mommy?”
It shocked me back into the present moment. I was stunned that my three year old picked up on this and a reminder that little eyes and ears are always watching.
“Oh, T.Puzzle, sometimes Mommy gets sad when I have to drop Full Speed at kindergarten. I miss him and I miss you while you are at school.”
We had a great holiday weekend. Somehow three days didn’t seem like enough. I guess that’s a good sign that Mad Dog and I actually enjoy our time with our kids.
I don’t know if it was the longer weekend but whatever adjusting I’ve done over Full Speed and his start of kindergarten seemed to go out the window. I was feeling very sad last night as I thought about this morning’s drop-off. He still is doing an awesome job and seems to love all the newness and challenge of it. Good for him, bad for me.
Full Speed when kindergarten seemed lifetimes away.
I’m sure I’ll adjust and by that time he will be moving on to first grade and I will be moving myself towards more emotional binge eating.
As for T.Puzzle his recovery time is winding down. We see the eye doc tomorrow and while playgrounds and tae kwon do will still be off limits, he will most likely return to his preschool this week. During his time at home I learned he no longer likes Sesame Street. This may not seem like a big deal but to us Moms, it means the end of an era. I still have not been able to erase it from our DVR.
Kindergarten and no more Sesame Street, it really is the dawn of a new age.
When Elmo and Big Bird were the bomb... oh, where did the time go T.Puzzle?
Yes, kindergarten is great. In fact it is fantastic.
Full Speed is awarded a certificate for good behavior. Apparently when you adore kindergarten, you behave.
Then why do I feel so miserable?
Full Speed has said, and granted we are only on week two, that he ‘loves kindergarten’.
“Do you miss me when you are at school?” I ask him pointedly.
“Nope,” is his concise and honest reply.
There is a tiny part of my fragile mommy-ego that is actually able to rejoice that ‘school is cool’ for Full Speed. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to send him if he was unhappy about it.
What gets me the most (like a dagger through my heart) is when I roll down the window and shout, “Have a great day, Full Speed,” and then he cheerfully replies, “you, too Mom!” I can’t quite explain why I get so weepy about this. It’s something about his smooth confidence and the way he commands the sidewalk as he marches to the door. He looks so grown-up. My heart becomes filled with pride, sadness and a longing for yesteryear. From the outside all that is happening is kindergarten drop-off. From my inside view, it is the beginning of Full Speed officially breaking free of me.
Once I put the tissues away (be kind and at least allow for another week), I will embrace this new phase and support Full Speed however I can.
Kindergarten D-day has arrived. There was so much traffic, confusion and general chaos that I forgot to be sad (mostly). I became single-minded in my focus to get Full Speed safely to his classroom.
It helped tremendously that Full Speed kept chanting, ‘this is gonna be the best year!’. If my kid was that excited about his new kindergarten adventure, who was I to argue?
Once I had us successfully navigated to Full Speed’s room, I felt slightly less overwhelmed. Again, I was thankful for my boys’ and their gregarious natures. Full Speed promptly found his cubby, deposited his Spider-man backpack and set to work coloring a picture at his desk. T.Puzzle pulled up a chair and sat down at the front of the class. Apparently he thought he’d like to start kindergarten, too.
Overall, a winning experience. There is still the labyrinthian system of elementary school drop-off and pick-up to overcome. Each day will get better I suppose. Either that or I am seriously considering giving Full Speed the keys to my truck and wishing him all the best. All I ask is that he keep the tank full and always, always wear his seatbelt.
It was Sunday morning. The next day Full Speed will start kindergarten. I stared at the wobbly whir of our bedroom ceiling fan while in my chest sat a complicated and pained heart. I turned to Mad Dog and said, “I’m really freaking out about Full Speed’s first day.”
He said, “Why? The kid has been in school for years. I don’t understand all the stress. It’s not like he’s never been in a classroom.”
I tried my best not to reach over and smack him on the head. All I said in response was, “Thanks, that was extremely comforting.” I laced it with as much sarcasm as I could muster. Trust me, I have loads.
A couple hours later I was stressing myself out over attempting to pre-pay on-line Full Speed’s first, official school cafeteria lunch. However, I needed his student ID# and I have yet to receive that. It was really stressing me. I know it’s not rational. I know it has more to do with my firstborn starting kindergarten and all the change that comes with that. I’m not great with change.
My shoulders inched up towards my ears and my brow twisted up in irritation.
Mad Dog, sensing my frustration, came over and said, “I get that it’s different for you. When Full Speed came into this world he was attached to you in a way I don’t get. I know it will be hard for you to separate from him tomorrow. Me? You know, I’d just throw him in the deep end (see post yin and yang) and be done with it.”
I was so grateful that Mad Dog acknowledged how different this process would be for the two of us. That brought my anxiety down by about 1 percent. The rest of the 99 percent I plan to deal with by consuming lots of chocolate.
As for Full Speed, he is ready to conquer kindergarten. This is one instance where having a child who is the complete opposite of me (thrives on change, extroverted, and monstrously assertive) is a huge blessing. It almost makes up for all his stubborn-filled, tantrum-ridden, openly defiant toddler through age four years.
Almost.
Full Speed tests out his desk at kindergarten orientation.
