Tag: love

children, health, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery, Taekwondo

Everywhere

WFAM

I was sitting off to the side of T.Puzzle’s tae kwon do practice.  With the help of a babysitter, and let’s be real here for a moment, a good babysitter is to a frazzled Mom what wine is to a frazzled Mom, I can take each boy to skill appropriate classes.  T.Puzzle remains in Tiny Tigers and Full Speed attends high-ranking juniors classes.

I was trying my best to blend into the background.  I’m usually exhausted at this point having wrangled all the gear, uniforms, behavior reports, etc. and all I want is quiet oblivion.

The instructor is always trying to get us parents out on the mat.  It’s not my cup of tea, it’s more Mad Dog’s style, so I try to avoid it as much as possible.  To gain more parent involvement, the instructor brilliantly uses the kids now to request help from their Mom or Dad.  No Mom in their right mind would deny their three year old’s request of, “Ma’am?  Would you please hold a target for me?”  Between his saucer-like eyes and killer dimples, T.Puzzle got me out on the mat in about two seconds flat.

I start helping him with his drills.  He’s ducking my moving target, he’s throwing punches and generally doing a fantastic job.

Then he stops.  His arms fall to his sides and he becomes motionless.   He stares up at me.

I have no idea what he thinks he’s doing.

“Mom, I want to give you a kiss,” he states.

So, he leans forward, tilts his head upward and plants a smooch.

He doesn’t skip a beat.  He immediately reverts back to his punches and his fighting stance.

I continue with the drills even though I am changed somehow.

I am reminded of the constant, indestructible nature of love.  It is whole and beautiful and if you take a moment to breathe, you will find it right beneath the surface of everything. Even under the surface of tae kwon do drills.

Love is everywhere.

children, kids, life in pictures, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery

King of Love

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Just when you think you are out of the woods, reality will come back and smack you in the face.  I like to believe that the physical/hands-on part of raising my boys is getting easier.  And it is.  Yet there are still moments when I look into the eyes of my offspring and all I see is a never-ending pool of need.

I had picked up T.Puzzle midday from school.  He needed his booster shot for the flu vaccine.  We were miraculously in and out of the doctor’s office in ten minutes flat (no lie!).   We had time to kill until we picked up Full Speed from kindergarten.  We headed to the park.

T.Puzzle was doing great, climbing everywhere and tumbling down the slides.  I was enjoying myself reveling in the freedom of being able to step back and watch him.   Suddenly he runs towards me holding his bottom.

Uh oh.  The holding of the bottom is never a good sign.

“I needa use the bathroom!” he exclaims.

Of course he does.  Of course we are at a park with no operational toilet facilities.  Of course. Of course.

I grab him and sprint to the car, he’s miffed at me because he is leaving the fun.  I get him strapped in as quickly as possible and hightail it to a nearby Burger King.  We race to the bathroom and make it in the nick of time.

While in the stall I have a moment where I feel the frustration rise.  The seemingly endless inconvenient potty moments specific to early childhood are getting to me.  The feeling that no matter how far I’ve come in motherhood, I am still a slave to my children and their needs.  I look at T.Puzzle.  He looks at me.

“I really love you, Mommy.  I really love you all the times,” he says.

Oh, so that’s why it’s a good thing your kids can learn to talk.  When they are this small and verbal  sometimes they say the perfect thing when you need to hear it the most.  T.Puzzle helped shift me out of my frustration and focus on what’s important.  And no, I’m not talking about improving the cleanliness of Burger King’s bathrooms because clearly this is an issue, too.  It’s about remembering when you are up to your Mommy-eyeballs in dealing with the needs of everyone but yourself, that you do it out of love.  If you hang in there, make a good effort and keep your intentions clear, you will make it through.

I love you all the times, too, T.Puzzle.

 

T.Puzzle earns a star for good behavior at Tae Kwon Do.

 

 

Mad Dog and Full Speed lend a hand out on the mat.

 

children, gratitude, happiness, humor, kids, life in pictures, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery, self-image/self-acceptance

Perfect

WFAM

When Mad Dog is out of town for work, I decide this is the time in which not only do I have to be supermom, but I have to do it perfectly.  My belief system, as crazy as it sounds, deems it necessary that if I can keep my boys happy and smiling while Mad Dog is away, then I must be doing my ‘job’ right.

Let me say it right now.  This is insane.

So what if Full Speed is angry I made him wear a jacket to school this morning (it was cold, yes, 60 degrees in Florida is considered cold)?  So what if T.Puzzle pouts because I didn’t have his favorite kind of pancake readily available for breakfast (Confetti Pancakes by Aunt Jemima in case you are wondering)?  Oh, and let’s not forget my minor meltdown because Full Speed’s new teacher scheduled an open house with only three days notice.  It took a phone call to my sister who thankfully answered to tell me what to do.  It was so simple.  Skip karate, have Mad Dog’s Dad watch the boys and go to the open house alone.  Brilliant.  Absolutely brilliant.

Why didn’t I see this simple solution?  Because my inner perfect Mommy critic told me I needed to take my boys to karate like I promised Mad Dog.  He didn’t know there was an open house when he left and neither did I. For some reason, I couldn’t deviate from my original plan.  My sister gave me the permission I needed so I could.

Thank goodness my sister was a voice of calm reason.  I guess that’s why if you are lucky enough to have one, you are infinitely blessed because they can come through for you in the most unexpected and very appreciated ways.

Maybe I can let my inner critic soften a little bit or at least offer her a shot of tequila (I mean loosen up, girl!), and stop looking at how I am falling short of perfection.  I need to flip my belief system upside down.

How about all the times Full Speed and T.Puzzle shared a genuine giggle with me while Mad Dog is away?  Or how ‘Dust Buster Tag’ is their new favorite pasttime (my floors are cleaner for it)?  Or how about the basic fact that they are clothed, fed, bathed and quite simply loved (even when they are angry and/or pouting)?

Love is patient, love is kind…, it’s anything you want it to be except perfect.

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grief, loss of parent, mommyhood

Mom

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Grandma and Grandpa with Full Speed, T.Puzzle and all the gang (minus Baby D who would join the world in three months) at Disney World December of 2008.

My ‘vacation’ is officially over and a semi-quiet has settled over my house. It is in this quietude that I can reflect back on all the fun and a little bit of the sad. It has been well over a year since my Mom’s passing and I can honestly say that the grief process has gotten better. In my everyday life I’m adjusting more and more to her absence, but when big or interesting events like this recent vacation pop up, the sting of her loss still gets me.

Mad Dog and I were married at Disney World in December of 2003. Since that time we have made several trips back there and up until her death, my Mom was always with us. This last trip without her had a lot of great moments but also had some moments we wished my Mom could be with us. Our kids only slightly picked up on our random bouts of sadness or so I thought. As my sister and her family were leaving for home yesterday, we got very emotional as we said goodbye. There was no dialogue about missing our Mom, but the emotion exchanged in the air between us was palpable.

Once my sister’s family was gone and I was left with the boys and my sad thoughts, Full Speed looks at me and says, “I miss Grandma.”

“I miss her, too and so does Aunt Skee. That’s why we seemed sad today.”

“Mom, don’t be sad. Aunt Skee has her kids to keep her happy and you have me and little T.Puzzle to keep you happy.”

My heart was warmed by his perceptive compassion but I couldn’t help but wish my Mom was right there in that moment to see it.

Miss you, Mom.

gratitude, happiness, mommyhood

Vacation from My Vacation

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I know you all can relate. Vacations are great but sometimes it would be nice to have a few ‘recovery’ days before heading back into your normal routine. Especially if your normal routine involves the likes of T.Puzzle and Full Speed.

My sister and her family are leaving tomorrow. We have been very lucky to get to spend so much time with them. It has felt nice to reconnect with my nieces and nephews. They are a great group of kids.

Here are some of the lessons I learned on this vacation:

1. No matter how much time or distance separates you from the people you care about, the love you have for them remains constant.
2. SPF 100 does not prevent sunburn on a Florida beach in the heart of July. Ouch and ouch!
3. When you are three and five (like my boys) having your cousins around to play with is tantamount to having cookies for breakfast or watching fireworks every night (which we did our three nights at Disney last week).
4. Some of my best vacation memories will be the simple ones. Quiet conversations with my ever evolving nieces, watching my oldest nephew bond with T.Puzzle and Full Speed, marveling that my littlest nephew finally lets me hold him without tears and soaking in the chaos that is my family and loving it.

Thanks for the memories…

All the gang at Bukkets Bar and Grill oceanside JAX Beach