Tag: love

gratitude, happiness, marital blissishness

‘Ever Thine

WFAM

I am a huge fan of Sex and the City. I have waited patiently for almost a year for the release of the second film in the SATC franchise. Of course by no control of my own, the premiere date landed on the night before little T.Puzzle’s eye exam under anesthesia. To remedy this unfortunate coincidence, I arranged for our babysitter to come on the Sunday morning following the eye exam so Mad Dog could take me to see it.

This is why I love my husband. Not only does he accompany me to my crazy ‘chick flicks’, he does it with such an air of relaxed confidence that no one would dare question why he is there. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He doesn’t care that the reviews of SATC2 have been less than flattering, that the audience was made up of 90% women or that the movie (in his perspective) was a long, drawn-out spectacle lasting well over two hours.

All he cares about is me.

I’m no Carrie Bradshaw with a fancy Manhattan apartment filled with endless designer clothes and shoes, but I am perhaps one of the luckiest ladies on this planet to be married to someone like Mad Dog.

‘ever thine.
‘ever mine.
‘ever ours*

Love you, Mad Dog!

*(poem excerpt by Beethoven to his immortal beloved also quoted in the SATC movies by Carrie and Big)

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good grief, loss of parent

17 Days

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I have to acknowledge this date of February 21st. Exactly a year ago was when my sister called me to tell me my Mom had stage IV pancreatic cancer. Mad Dog and I had returned from getting the boys haircuts and we were out on our lanai when I took the call. I dropped everything and was with my Mom and family by ten o’clock that night. When there was no one else around, my Mom and I stayed up late into the night and talked about life, love and death. She thanked me for being there and I said that I was honored to share this experience with her. It is something I will hold close to me for the rest of my life.

She was gone in 17 days.

I keep thinking of the memories that took place over those days. I comforted her, cared for her and loved her with everything I am. I helped her to be fearless and open to the possibility that what was happening could be beautiful. In very inexplicable ways, it was.

I still miss her every single day.

I love you, Mom.

kids, loss of parent, mommyhood

Sunny Skies

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As you readers are well aware, I have been facing my share of challenges with little T.Puzzle and his emotional outbursts. Thankfully, I went through similar challenges with his older brother (we all survived!), and if you can believe, T.Puzzle is actually less of a handful to manage. Of course, beginning a New Year feeling extremely sick (I was back at the doctor again today) and realizing this is a year that will have no new memories of my Mom, I haven’t been dealing very positively with T.Puzzle. If I felt super-heatlhy and was grief-free, I would be frustrated and sigh a few times, but I would know that it is only a phase. I would maybe exhibit more patience and emit a more positive vibe. That would possibly help more than any amount of discipline I impose on him.

To try to change the energy between us, I spent extra one-on-one time with him yesterday. Full Speed was gone for the day/night with his Grandpa on a camping trip so I seized the moment. I picked up little T.Puzzle from school early, took him on a long bike ride, stopped at a nature spot to look for frogs (there were none, it was too cold). Then, after I fed him dinner, we went and sat on the lanai and snuggled under a blanket. We sang songs, talked about all the things we could see and made each other laugh. At one point I leaned down and wordlessly kissed his forehead. He looked up and said, “I love you, too, Mommy.” It felt good.

I know I have to make more of an effort to meet T.Puzzle halfway. He is going through the same transitions of growth as his brother before him. For whatever reason this is very hard for him. It’s hard for all of us.

And it all comes down to this. There’s a reason your kids look so incredibly angelic and peaceful when they sleep. It helps you remember on your worst days, that beneath the storm; sunny skies are always within our reach.

children, mommyhood, self-discovery

Who We Really Are

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Have you ever pondered why the only prerequisite to parenthood is that you are human?  So many of us eventually have children whether by choice, miracle or accident. How do you know if you are any good at it? How much of how your children turn out falls on your shoulders? I wrestle with these thoughts all the time.  Is my boys’ behavior, both good and bad, a direct result of me? Or, are they just who they are and they happened to fall into my family much like a lottery winner stumbles upon their fortune?

Parenting is not black or white. It doesn’t tidy-up into neat compartments of do this or don’t do that. Each child is unique as are the parents, the environment, genetics,…. the variables are infinite.

I know I am succeeding in many areas of parenting and falling short in others. As I have learned from my own parents and now am starting to truly believe, parenting mistakes aren’t the end of the world. Maybe, just maybe, despite all the mistakes that I might be making as a parent, T.Puzzle and Full Speed may turn out alright after all. Maybe it’s the mistakes that will show them who they really are. I already know they are fantastic, but it’s up to them to discover that for themselves.

children, happiness, mommyhood

Goodnight Smooches

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As the evening is coming to a close for the boys, if Mad Dog is home, I head to my green leather chair in our master bedroom. Mad Dog gets the boys set up with a show or movie and I get a few minutes to journal. The boys are used to this routine and when their actual bedtime arises, they know to find me in my journaling chair for a goodnight ‘hug and mooch’ (as T.Puzzle likes to say). You would think this would seem fairly typical. With my boys typical is a word that doesn’t always apply.

First, T.Puzzle comes in without wearing any pants or even a pull-up. Apparently he made a u-turn on his way to getting his nighttime pull-up. He leans in for a ‘mooch’.

“Good night, T.Puzzle. And I love your pants by the way,” I say.

He turns and exits and his little cheeks are bared for the whole world to see. “Tanks, Mommy,” is his way of thanking me for the compliment. He heads out the door to find Mad Dog and put on his pants (at least I hope that is what happened).

Then, it is Full Speed’s turn. Lately my new nickname has been Agent Juarez (a guinea pig from the children’s movie, G-Force). Full Speed is Agent Blaster.

“Hi, Agent Juarez. Will you marry me?”

“Of course Agent Blaster.”

Full Speed leans in for a kiss and declares us “married”. He is quite serious about it and a tiny smile creeps over his face. It’s obvious he is feeling nothing but love for his Mom. He grabs me with both arms and squeezes me tight.

“Goodnight, Mom. See you tomorrow.” And he’s off with a dash.

In my five years of motherhood I have seen and heard a lot. I still marvel at the fact my boys manage to bring something different to our daily rituals and routines. This is one of the many reasons that no matter what, I have one of the best jobs on the planet.