bad day, mommyhood, tantrums, terrible threes

Oh Smack!

I had this crazy idea that I would take the boys for haircuts. They have been rocking the mohawk look and it’s amazing how quickly it grew out. My plan was to pick Full Speed up from school and take both boys directly to the children’s salon. It is a pretty fantastic set-up. There’s a foosball table, an indoor climbing structure with a slide and an endless array of cool vehicles to sit in and watch Nickelodeon while getting your hair trimmed. They had a splendid time. I played foosball with Full Speed who insisted he was winning no matter how many times I scored. “That one didn’t count, Mom, only mine did,” (of course). Little T.Puzzle took to the slide like a fish to water (more fish similies later; I know you can’t wait but don’t get your gills in a tangle). They both did great for their trim and I was feeling really glad to have it done. Haircuts usually eat into our precious, weekend family time and I had just saved us the hassle. Win, win for sure.

Until,… it was time to leave. Little T.Puzzle absolutely refuses to leave and makes a scramble for the back of the slide structure. He is just about out of reach when I manage to grab his leg. He immediately starts screaming. Full Speed tries to help and yanks on the other leg. Full Speed accidentally tugs off little T.Puzzle’s croc in this muddled process. I see that this is a hot-button for T.Puzzle because he is really starting to lose it. As I manage to wrestle him into my arms (and by now, a crowd of sorts has gathered to watch the show), little T.Puzzle throws his arm back and smacks me squarely on the face.

I take him outside and all hell breaks loose. He’s screaming so loud I can’t think straight. I try to maneuver him to a time-out spot and quickly realize that he is violently flopping about like a dying fish so I can’t. I scoop him up and head to the truck. I grab his other croc from his foot and say he can’t have them back because he slapped me.

He is inconsolable. He cries and yells the whole way home. He is so upset he almost makes himself vomit. I get him home, send him to his room and try to regroup.

This is all stuff I’ve seen before. This isn’t the first time I’ve been smacked by one of my sons (hopefully it’s the last) and this isn’t the first outrageous tantrum I’ve endured.

But seriously, isn’t it enough already?

children, humor, mommyhood

I Forgot

I had wrangled the boys up from school and we were on our way out. The receptionist is a kind woman and since I am constantly craving adult conversation, when she made a comment about the weather I was more than happy to chit-chat with her. It seems that I forgot myself for a moment. I guess I thought I was an independent entity that can make my way in the world (or chit-chat) without consequence.

Before I realize what is happening (believe me this happened in a matter of seconds), Full Speed has T.Puzzle in a chokehold, leaps up with T.Puzzle in his arms and lands artfully on top of him. Hence, a crazy, out-of-control wrestling match in the school’s entryway has begun.

The receptionist is stunned into silence. Eventually, she manages to say, “Whoa, guys. Sure is a lot of testosterone on the loose here.”

A semi-circle of spectators has formed around them and I believe even some surreptitious wagers took place (i.e. – ‘my money’s on the little guy!’).

I shrug my shoulders. It was my own fault to think my boys could exhibit the comportment of well-mannered children without my constant supervision.

I never did get to finish my conversation with the receptionist but I made twenty bucks. I’m not telling who won the match, but dinner was on him that night.