parenting – Page 19 – Writes for all Mommies

The Truth Be Told

05/05/2016 WFAM

T.Puzzle has been quite sick with a bad cold. He is finally much better. Full Speed and I gauge his health status by how much he annoys Full Speed. We knew he was really sick when he had zero energy to needle his older brother. Those were worrisome days. He’s now back to full-on annoyance mode so we are pretty sure he’s in fine health.

Over the course of T.Puzzle’s illness we have watched a lot of sports. I’m still beyond excited that the Chicago Cubs are so awesome again this season. It is something my boys and I actually want to watch together.

Sometimes, when my favorite player is up or on a commercial, I’ll pause the television and pretend he’s talking to me (forgive me, I’ve been homebound with a sick kid for days and days, my judgment is questionable at best). T.Puzzle finds this a curious thing.

“Mom, if you weren’t married to Dad, would you marry Anthony Rizzo?”

“Well, T.Puzzle, he’s a little bit too young for me.”

Full Speed, never one to be left out declares, “I’ll say!”

T.Puzzle asks, “How much older are you than him, Mom?”

Full Speed responds without missing a beat, “Sixty-four years!”

Me: “What?!?”

Full Speed: “I meant Sixty-FIVE!”

While I hold some truths to be self evident, is it really necessary to declare them all out loud?

I should hope not.

humor, motherhood, parenting

Your People

15/03/2016 WFAM

Family vacations are stressful. Why is that? Maybe because you plan weeks or months in advance and there are expectations that everyone will be cheerful and have fun doing extraordinary and often expensive activities. So, the pressure is ON. Have fun OR ELSE! You throw in an aversion for crowds and noise, put me on a cruise ship full of screaming kids and there isn’t anyone or anything that can save me or whoever ends up in my path.

We were standing by the balcony overlooking the main floor of the ship when T.Puzzle accidentally stepped on my foot.

I snapped.

My temper shorted out and I yelled at him to ‘Quit it!’ or ‘Cut it out!’ or ‘For the love of all that is good and decent in the world, STOP STEPPING ON MY FEET!’

To an outside observer it would seem that it was an innocent mistake by a distracted nine year old boy. They wouldn’t know the back story of how this said boy steps on my feet religiously. If he could bottle his accuracy of squashing my toes, this kid would give a trained sniper a run for his money.

The squashed toes were the icing. The pressure of FUN was getting to me. I looked at Mad Dog in despair.

He said, “I know with our family we are going to have highs and lows. While the highs are tremendous, there are days when you are so frustrated that you want to give our children up for adoption (I’m politely paraphrasing this last part). You have to accept the good with the bad.”

This made me pause. He was right, of course, but why am I always so ready to fly off the handle with the people I love the most in the world? I wouldn’t snap at a friend if she stepped on my toes. I would laugh it off and be on my merry way.

The difference is the amount of shared history. When you live life with people day in and day out, your truth seeps out whether you like it or not. You let the ugly flow because on some level you know that these are YOUR PEOPLE. They love you unconditionally.

If you can be your truest self around someone, and that includes all the stuff you hide from 99.9% of the rest of the population, then you know you feel safe with them.

Every one of us is complicated. Most of us strive to be our best.

If we are really lucky, we can be our worst, too…

3 times over.

children, family, health, motherhood

Oh Well(ness) Visit

09/01/201609/01/2016 WFAM

There are so many aspects of motherhood that get easier and easier as your children grow. It is so nice to be able to take the boys for their wellness check-ups and for the most part, they behave like normal people. For the most part,…

I no longer have concerns about Full Speed’s attitude or behavior while at the doctor. As for T.Puzzle, his behavior is generally really good, but his attitude is precarious at times.

Overall, his recent 9 year wellness-check went very smoothly. That is until we got to the portion where the doctor had to ask him direct questions. Left to his own devices, it’s hard to know what he’s going to say.

Doc: “What grade are you in?”

T.Puzzle: “Third grade.”

So far so good.

Doc: “What do you drink with your meals?”

Imperceptibly, I gulped.

T.Puzzle: “Milk.”

I’m glad he didn’t share with her the 14,000 gallons of Sprite he consumed over holiday break.

The rest of the questions he answered as you would expect. Grades? Fine. Wearing a bike helmet? Check. Favorite food to eat? Chinese (at least there are some vegetables in it, right?).

Then the questions turned to favorite hobbies.

Doc: “What do you do for fun?”

T.Puzzle: “Video games.”

I appreciated his honesty and since his weight and height were in a normal range for him, I don’t think the doctor was concerned. Also, the myriad of bruises and scars on his legs were evidence that he’s a rough and tumble kind of kid.

Doc: “What do you do to keep active?”

He looked to me to explain what she meant.

Me: “You know. When Mom and Dad make you play outside?”

He paused momentarily….

T.Puzzle: “It’s classified.”

So close…

Better luck next year!

im1.shutterfly — T.Puzzle with Mad Dog celebrating turning 9 at Legoland.

family, motherhood

Greatest Hits (Happy Holidays 2015)

16/12/201517/12/2015 WFAM

I don’t know how you top going to the National Championship to see the Buckeyes win in 2015. It was a spontaneous January trip to Dallas that fortunately ended in a Buckeye victory. The whole of it was as special as the individual parts. For Mom, sharing it as a family was the icing on the cake. To read more, click here:

The Story of a girl and her Buckeye

Losing a loved one not only changes who you are, it sometimes changes your ability to enjoy the things you used to love. After losing my mom in 2009, I lost my passion for watching baseball. She was my partner in crime. Thankfully after years and years of healing, the time to return to baseball finally felt right. Thank you to the Cubs’ organization for making this season the best in ages. Thank you especially for beating the Cardinals in the NLDS. That pretty much sealed the fate of my boys’ allegiance forever. Seriously, thank you! To read more, click here:

The Story of a girl and her Buckeye (The Prequel)

Mad Dog and I recently celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. Our relationship has weathered life’s ups and downs and above all else, we have maintained an underlying friendship. He still makes me laugh more than anyone. He still is, in my opinion, ridiculously handsome which is also a plus. But, the reason I love him so very much is because he loves the real me. When I struggle with self-acceptance and doubt, he never judges. When I say things in frustrated despair like, “Why can’t I just be normal?” He responds with, “Full Speed isn’t ‘normal’, T.Puzzle isn’t ‘normal’ and I’m not ‘normal’. Just be you. Once you learn to be comfortable being you, things will fall into place.” A better response I could not imagine. Thank you, Mad Dog. To read more, click here:

True Love’s Cup

Parenting is hard. I’ve seen enough and learned enough that the only surety is your ability to accept whatever is in front of you. This year my boys finally no longer have to patch their eyes for amblyopia (lesser vision in one eye). This all started when Full Speed was twenty months old. He recently turned 11. That’s a long time in kid years. Again and again my boys and their vision challenges have taught me to accept what I can’t control. That is so hard to do, but eventually, it’s all that remains. To read more, click here:

Eye Am Thankful

I started this blog when my boys were little. I wrote it to cope. If you ever had a chance to be around them when they were small, you would understand that my coping skills were challenged relentlessly. Through the years we’ve all grown. They continue to evolve. I’m most grateful for the evolution of who-they-really-are. They have this core of intangible awesomeness. We all have it and sometimes the only person who can see it is your mother. I see it. They have it. And, they are awesome. Let me clarify, they are awesome but they are not perfect. They back talk and fight. They have a really hard time following directions, even super-detailed step-by-step directions. They took FOREVER to potty-train, ride their bikes and tie their shoes. Full Speed especially didn’t understand my distress over the shoe-tying. I mean, he would just pay someone to tie them for him once he made it to the NFL anyway, so what was the big deal? Life is too complicated to only focus on achievements (or lack thereof). Achievements are a dime a dozen. They come, they go and in the end, they aren’t really all that important. That core of awesomeness, it is there, even if your kid gets an ‘F’ on a test (true story, it happens). Instead, spend your time being present and consciously try to catch a glimpse of their awesomeness. When you do, it is the best feeling in the world. It is better than straight ‘As’, four hundred touchdowns or winning a spelling bee. It is Pure Love.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

children, humor, motherhood

64 lbs

15/11/201515/11/2015 WFAM

A 5’6 twelve-year-old is a sight to behold. Especially in a sea of more average to small-framed kids usually seen at any given game for a U12 flag football team. Full Speed’s rather tall teammate is a huge offensive and defensive weapon. The QB only needs to launch the ball in the general vicinity of him and his giant wingspan and leaping ability almost guarantee a completion. Needless to say, it’s been a very fun season for Full Speed and his winning team.

When the news broke that our super receiver and starting QB couldn’t attend Saturday’s game, we all began to wonder how we would fare without them. My friend’s son would step in as QB, and while he had experience in this slot with previous teams, he had never run routes with this current team. And, coupled with missing our surefire receiver, where does that leave the team? Pinning our hopes and dreams on the crazy fast quickness of Full Speed.

The night before the game Full Speed’s coach had pulled him aside. He warned him to get a good night’s sleep and be prepared for a lot of hand-offs. Mad Dog and I were a little perplexed. Full Speed averaged about ten runs a game and was pretty successful even scoring an occasional touchdown, but how many more runs did that mean? Twenty? Thirty?

Oh my.

The morning of the game Full Speed pounded on our bedroom door earlier than expected.

“Can I get up now? I know it’s early but I’m too pumped up for the game to sleep.”

Oh my.

Before a game, Full Speed becomes silently serious. On the ride to the fields he was a ball of nerves and I could tell he was doing his best to be focused and brave. I didn’t know what to think. On one hand, I knew that Full Speed, as do all of us, have this remarkable capacity to step up our game when needed. On the other hand, I prayed that at least the team would remain competitive, would have a chance for other players to shine and that some positive lessons about heart and effort would be learned.

At the coin toss, the other team won possession. My stomach gave a nervous little lurch as the refs lined up the teams for the first snap. Right out of the gate the opposition passed the ball to midfield where a player handily snagged it and ran for a touchdown. I cringed as the player zipped into the end zone and worried that this was going to set the tone for the game.

Full Speed’s team lined up to hopefully answer. It seemed like a longshot. Mad Dog and I knew Full Speed was getting the ball as his right hand twitched with nervous anticipation. Then, it was on. He was off to the races. He zigged, he zagged, he juked and he spun. He kicked into this extraordinary high gear and broke the ankles of players twice his size. They all were left standing in his wake confused that this little dynamo couldn’t be caught. He ran and ran, then he ran some more. We could hear the QB say, ‘I don’t need to pass, it’s fun to watch Full Speed run all over the field.’ To the QB’s credit, as well as all the other members of the team, they all gave tremendous effort when it was needed. Even a player not known for speed, lumbered his way for an impressive gain. The other team backed off for fear of being run over. His parents were seated next to me and said that his recent growth spurt had him weighing in at 118 lbs. Full Speed weighs 64.

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

-Mark Twain

By game’s end, Full Speed had four touchdowns, countless runs and who knows how many Heisman worthy yards gained all leading to victory.

If 64 lbs can accomplish that, what can you do?