parenting – Page 20 – Writes for all Mommies

The Frog of Doom

11/11/201511/11/2015 WFAM

A while back there was a Dead Lizard Incident in my house. I found this unfortunate fellow in my Amazon box and consequently lost my ability to reason, but not my ability to purchase from Amazon (sorry Mad Dog). Full Speed had to rescue me and dispose of the limp, lifeless and oh-so-disgusting body. The point is, me and small, slimy-looking critters are not friends. If they stay away from me, I’m happy to let them exist, but if they come near me or worse yet, come in my HOUSE, I stop functioning as a proper adult.

Mad Dog is once again traveling for work. This means that I am the lone, sane adult person responsible for all remaining members of our household. Per my usual routine and ‘being the one in charge’ I went to our screened in lanai to let our dogs out first thing in the morning. As I did so, I absently placed my feet in my slippers. I noticed the toes on my left foot brushed up against something and proceeded to tap out the slipper to figure out what it was.

It was a frog.

Let me repeat, it was a frog.

For some strange reason, I didn’t panic. I felt nauseous and wanted to cry, but I held it together. I poked the frog with the end of the slipper and much to my horror, realized it had expired. My toes basically had touched a dead frog.

I’ll give you a minute while you let that sink in.

There aren’t words to convey how traumatic I found this to be. Again, amazingly I kept my cool, and proceeded to let the dogs out so I could start my day. I figured when the boys came downstairs Full Speed could ‘rescue me’ again and dispose of the body. I opened our back screen door and turned to tell the dogs to get a move on, and then, that’s when I saw an empty open space where I thought a dead frog should be.

The frog was not dead.

Let me repeat, the frog of doom was not dead.

To worsen matters, the doors to the interior of my house were still open. So, did it go in or did it go out? I didn’t know.

Well, there was much to be done. I came in the house, headed straight to the cabinet under the kitchen sink and grabbed the Lysol. After I sufficiently Lysoled my bare foot, as I could and still can feel the exact spot on my toes that had come into contact with the frog, I sat down to reason through my next steps. Clearly, I am burning the slippers, that is a no-brainer, and I plan to use the smoke from this fire to signal to Mad Dog that I have permanently relocated our family to a frog-free zone.

It’s what any logical, sane person would do, right?

motherhood

Two Steps forward, One Bike Ride Back

05/10/2015 WFAM

I know as a mom, there is an unwritten rule that you shouldn’t compare your kids. It’s like apples to oranges, right? Yes and no. If all you have known in your parenting history are the actions and behaviors of your firstborn, how can you not apply this knowledge to your second kid?

If you’ve ever read any of my early posts about raising my boys, you know that they both were incredibly stubborn and highly active children. The good news is that while they remain stubborn at their core, they are thankfully a lot more compliant and much more pleasant to live with. These behavior changes came over a period of several years and after lots of hard, consistent disciplinary work from my part. At around the second grade, Full Speed completely transformed. He became a delight to be around. He developed manners and empathy. While he still has spurts of insane, high-energy, they are much easier to handle. Naturally, I thought that once T.Puzzle hit second grade the same would ring true for him. I waited and waited, and then I waited some more. Manners? Nope. Being compliant? Not so much. Having a filter? Not on your life.

His behavior baffled me. I did all the same things I did with Full Speed, so why wasn’t it sinking if for T.Puzzle? After a while I began to realize that, wait a minute, they actually are quite different kids. While Full Speed remained vocal and independent at school, T.Puzzle kept to himself. Full Speed’s confidence certainly won the respect of his teachers, but T.Puzzle’s quiet nature won them over completely. Where Full Speed sometimes didn’t get ‘outstandings’ in conduct, T.Puzzle was bringing them home left and right like nobody’s business. Yet, when he return home from school again, he would be that flip little loose cannon who does not like to be told what to do. At home, this is where Full Speed shined.

Okay, I get it, these guys are opposites in some regards. They have to mix it up to keep me on my toes. I let it go and focused on being grateful that most of the time, away from me, T.Puzzle was a pretty well-behaved kid. Then, it happened. There was this shift in him. He has started to remember his manners more, he does things the first time he’s told with less commentary and he actually offers to share things with others on occasion. I noticed something subtle the other day, too. I snuggled up to him on the couch and instead of me putting my arm around him, he put his arm around me. He even began to absently pat me on the back. Exactly like Full Speed does when he is ‘taking care’ of mom.

To help encourage this new-found growth and maturity, I sent T.Puzzle to his friend’s house by bike. He did so good. He called me when he got there and called me to let me know he was on his way home. When I greeted him by the garage I was so proud of him.

“Mom, my helmet feels weird.”

“Uh, that’s because you are wearing it backwards.”

It’s not a perfect system, folks. Not by a long shot.

children, humor, motherhood

Beating the System

06/09/201506/09/2015 WFAM

Recently, I’ve taken a more laissez-faire approach to parenting. I’m trying to instill personal responsibility in my boys. For instance, they need to make their beds each day, and if they don’t, they will get an earlier bedtime. I don’t fuss about it, it just is. Either you want the later bedtime or you don’t. Your bed will show me.

Full Speed decided to bypass this system. When Mad Dog and I turn in for the night, it is part of Mad Dog’s ritual to check on the boys and make sure they are tucked in and comfortably asleep. What did he find? Full Speed lying on top of his perfectly made bed curled in a little ball for warmth. You technically never have to make your bed if you never use it. Nice try, but get yourself under those covers.

reenactment of what it looks like to sleep on top of covers

Where does this slyness come from you may wonder? Well, as I walked into my formal living room, what caught my eye but this nifty little piece of decorating…

When I agreed to letting more Buckeye memorabilia creep into the corners of our home, I’m pretty sure gym shoes were not anywhere on my radar. But technically, I never said out loud, “Please, no athletic shoes as part of the decor.”

Can’t.

Win.

family, humor, motherhood, parenting

Summer Memories 2015

09/08/2015 WFAM

This summer was the first time my boys ever played organized basketball. There was a part of me that really dreaded this. On some level, I knew my boys were going to have some challenges mastering the sport. I was absolutely right. They both quickly learned that remembering all the rules, dribbling while in motion and taking a shot with someone twice their size right in their face were all rather impossible. On a positive note, they both looked absolutely adorable in their uniforms. So, basically, they always have their looks to fall back on.

In all seriousness, I knew the season was going to be tough when the first team the boys played was adult-size and had been playing together for six years. I actually thought it could have been longer than six years as I was pretty sure I had seen their center driving his own car to the game (not really, but I did want to check his birth certificate to verify his supposed under 10 age). Needless to say, my boys are not so motivated to hoop it up anytime soon. Long live soccer!!

Over the course of summer, in between basketball practices and games, I got to spend a tremendous amount of time with my guys. For the most part, I found this time to be truly delightful. I enjoyed their humor, their company and their energy for life. It wasn’t all smooth. There were some classic moments such as these:

Full Speed and the Situation I took the dogs for a walk and instructed the boys to get themselves ready for soccer camp. Here is actual text communication sent from Full Speed, “Where are you? We have a situation with the Gatorade bottle.” Two minutes later I received this text, “The problem is I can’t open the Gatorade.” Thankfully, this ‘situation’ was quickly resolved but the text cracked me up for the rest of the day.
T.Puzzle’s Hug Aversion T. Puzzle hates it when I ask him to hug me. He acts as if he is being sentenced to death and tries all sorts of creative ways to get out of it. I told him to ask his brother how to handle it. Full Speed said, “When Mom wants a hug, just man-up and do it.” Still, to no avail. I eventually had to take a hard line with him and he will give me hugs but there is still a lot of resistance. So, it surprised me when he approached me for what seemed like a genuine unsolicited hug. “Wow, T.Puzzle, that was so nice.” He looked at me and said, “Dad told me to find you and said I had to hug you, so I did.” Okay, thanks?
Full Speed’s Independence When your ten year-old has ‘situations’ with Gatorade bottles, sometimes when you ponder the future, you wonder if he will be able to live independently. Full Speed was looking in the fridge and he couldn’t find something. “Mom, where is it? I can’t find it anywhere!” I walked over, opened the door and promptly found it in two seconds. I said in a rather exasperated tone, “I really am going to have to live with you when you are older, aren’t I?” He replied, “No, Mom, because I’m going to be the one who puts everything away so I will know where stuff is.” Touche’.
T.Puzzle’s Future Living Arrangements Since Full Speed has established in his mind that he will be living independently from his parents in the future, he has lots of ideas about how this will happen. He talks about possible occupations, where he wants to live and hopes I will take care of his dogs when he has to travel. When I ask T.Puzzle about the future he is often mute on the subject. Even though he is hug aversive, deep down, he really is attached to me and I think he can’t fathom living anywhere else than where he is right now. Full Speed’s solution is simple. T.Puzzle can live with him. Well, that’s all fine and good, but I’ve noticed Full Speed can be very particular in his ways. T.Puzzle is a little more free-flowing with life. “How are you going to live with your brother if he annoys you on a regular basis, Full Speed?” He answer was simple, “My house, my rules.”

THE END

family, humor, motherhood

The Growing Problem

23/06/201510/02/2018 WFAM

I know I have a weird denial about my boys growing bigger. Part of it is for the obvious ‘don’t-want-them-to-grow-up-too-fast’, the other part is I sincerely dislike taking them clothes shopping. Since we were at the pool this past week and my boys were in their very small, very short swim trunks, my denial of taking them shopping was starting to crumble. As I looked around, I realized that they were in the minority. And, come to think of it, they were about the only ones at basketball camp that didn’t have the standard, down-to-the-knee basketball shorts. I mean at one point the shorts they wore did fall to their knees, but no longer. Darn. Time to go shopping.

I wanted to make this outing as quick and painless as possible. Once we were at Target, I grabbed a bunch of clothes in various sizes and we headed to the dressing rooms. Something about the dressing rooms, maybe the small space, the awkward corners and unstable walls, makes my boys go crazy. I think it’s what I refer to as their ‘pretend sense of control’. Mad Dog has this. When he is asked to do something he doesn’t want to do, he then tries to push my buttons about a series of unrelated topics. Eventually, he does what is asked, but it certainly comes at a cost to my own mental sanity. I believe this is what the boys were doing. They started to act crazy to let me know that they were NOT happy to be trying on all these clothes.

However, instead of me completely losing it, I actually kind of found it funny. Not entirely so, but a little. I laughed when Full Speed tried on the way-too-big pair of shorts, and when he said he needed a ‘schmedium’ (a size between a small and medium). When T.Puzzle begin to army crawl between the stalls, thankfully, we were the only ones there, I didn’t yell or tell him he had to stop. I let him army crawl away. I figured at least he wasn’t complaining and it gave me time to sort through the remaining sizes and clothes.

Then it hit me. I need to stop having these impossible expectations about shopping with my boys. They are going to be crazy. They are going to hate it. And, maybe, if I stop being so serious about it, we can laugh a little and maybe leave the store with a little bit of dignity intact…. or not…..