parenting – Page 21 – Writes for all Mommies

Now you know the girl had a happy ending. She found true love and had two, awesome little Buckeyes. But, there’s more to the story.

Before there was the Buckeye, there was just the girl. She was a quiet girl. She grew up tucked away in the cornfields of Illinois in an unassuming one-story house on an unassuming tree-lined street. This quiet girl loved her Mom dearly. When the girl would arrive home from school she would find her Mom watching the Cubs on WGN. At first the girl didn’t think much of baseball, but she thought much of her Mom. Over time, she was slowly indoctrinated with a die-hard love of the Cubs. It was in her genes passed all the way down from her Grandmother. You can’t fight genes.

The girl’s bond with her Mother, and remember, they already were quite close, grew stronger over a shared love of the Cubs. The Cubs were often uninspiring to watch and even though the girl and her Mom cringed each time Harry Caray slurred his way through a seventh inning stretch, they were faithful to their team. Of course, there were moments of glory. The ’84 Cubs stirred hope in their hearts and while this season brought great joy and this amazing song- Men in Blue – it ended in heartbreak as practically every Cubs’ season does since the dawn of time (boo Padres!).

So, how exactly does the Buckeye factor into all of this? Turns out, he was not much of baseball guy (growing up, soccer was more his thing), but attending college on the far, far north side of Chicago lends an easy transition to Cub fandom. The girl suspected initially his fandom was less about the baseball and more about the ever-available and free-flowing beer of the Friendly Confines’ bleachers. No matter, he was a Buckeye who grew to appreciate the Cubs.

And, that’s how they met. The girl, her Mom, her Aunt and Cousin all travelled to Navy Pier to go on a Cubs’ charity dinner cruise. There, they got to meet their favorite players (yes, the girl still has a soft spot for Mark Grace), and there, the Buckeye was. He was seated at the table next to them. He was with friends and the girl didn’t notice him at first. However, SEVERAL other girls noticed the Buckeye (the girl didn’t find this out ’til much, much later).

The Mom, the girl, the Aunt and the Cousin on that fateful night

To her credit, the Cousin recognized the Buckeye appeared to be without a date. Being that she knew the girl was very, very single, encouraged the girl to talk to him. Initially, the girl did not agree to talk to the Buckeye as she was skeptical of all men, but since she was giddy at having schmoozed with so many handsome Cub players, she reluctantly agreed. He offered to take her to Wrigley Field and watch a game from the bleachers. She had never watched a game from the bleachers and as a die-hard fan, this offer was extremely tempting.

It took a couple weeks, but eventually, the girl and the Buckeye set up a date. The girl wasn’t very nervous as she had all but given up on love. She was just happy to get a free ticket to watch her Cubbies in person (she was also extremely poor at the time). She took the bus from her northside neighborhood and met the Buckeye at his apartment on Sheffield. Yes! He actually lived across the street from Wrigley. Wow! Maybe this Buckeye was something special.

the charming Buckeye grilling on the deck of his Sheffield apartment

The girl didn’t know it, but she pretty much fell in love with the Buckeye right off the bat. As we know, the Buckeye was a lot slower in this regard. A. LOT. So began their up and down romantic history which included countless bleacher games at Wrigley Field. It wasn’t always a fairy tale, but it turned out amazing in the end (the relationship, NOT the Cubs’ season).

Once they were married and raising their boys Buckeye, they still followed the Cubs closely. However, soon after starting their family, tragedy struck. The girl’s Mom got sick and passed away so suddenly, it crumbled the girl’s world completely.

The girl’s heart was shattered into a million pieces. She didn’t understand how just when her little Buckeyes were getting more awesome every day, that her Mom wouldn’t see them grow up. She wouldn’t be there to call when the girl didn’t know if she was mothering them correctly. She wouldn’t be there to laugh with, or cry with.

The girl was lost.

Six years later, the girl was still a little bit lost without her Mom to anchor her. And, during those six years of grief, the girl couldn’t bear to watch the Cubs and not just because they were terrible (as they usually were), but because watching them without her Mom was too deeply painful. It hurt her soul to watch them.

The girl was pretty sure she would never love baseball again. She focused on her little Buckeye family and let the Cubs drift slowly away from her.

Somehow, the Buckeye sensed under all her hurt, that the girl still loved baseball. This baseball season he made a decision. He would get the girl access to all the Cubs’ games on TV and download an MLB app on her phone (which is awesomely addicting). The girl doesn’t know how he knew she was ready, but she was. The brokeness of her heart, while not quite fully healed, had scarred over enough that it made watching the Cubs bearable. Actually, she had healed enough that she was excited to watch them play. Hearing the crack of the bat, watching a perfectly executed double play and hearing the fans of Wrigley cheer made her happy once again. She couldn’t believe it. And, to add to her happiness, her two little Buckeyes have shown the beginnings of their own Cubs’ genes emerging. Finally, she could share something with them that was unique to her. It was amazing-ness.

Time doesn’t necessarily heal all wounds, but it makes it possible to live life anew. While the girl will never share a Cubs’ World Series victory with her Mom (or with anyone for that matter given the Cubs’ history), she can at least remember she really does love baseball. She really does love her Buckeye and she really does love her boys.

And, she really was the most blessed daughter to have had a Mom as special as the one she was given.

Love you always, Mom.

children, family, motherhood

The Living, Breathing, Walking, Talking Contradiction

30/04/201530/04/2015 WFAM

T.Puzzle brought home an assignment. He needed to read an article, write three facts he learned and give his opinion about the content. I thought it was an ambitious task and asked him how he felt about it.

“I think it will be easy except I don’t really remember what an opinion is,” he replied.

“That’s ironic since you are full of them,” I said as I went on to describe what it means.

That’s T.Puzzle for you. Full of honest feedback all of the time, whether you want to hear it or not. Most of the time not, but even in the moments when he is shockingly honest, I admire his ability to speak his mind.

For example, in our house, if a parent asks you to do something, you are expected to do it the first time. T.Puzzle has yet to master this.

“T.Puzzle, please take the dogs out,” Mad Dog asks.

“I thought the dogs were YOUR dogs,” is his reply.

He says stuff like this all the time. The words roll right out of him with no thought of impact or consequence.

He is a wonder to me. When it comes to sports, he is such a passionate competitor, that he is often yelling at his teammates (he even gave his coach a talking to after letting the opposition score in a practice scrimmage!) or stomping out of the backyard as not enough plays fall his way playing football with his brother.

On the flip-side of this often impertinent, highly competitive young man, lies this ginormous well of empathy. You have to watch him closely and for days at time to catch glimpses of it, but when you find it, it’s spectacular. While he likes to see others fail at something finding it hilarious, if he thinks someone is being hurt, it deeply touches him. Whenever we watch a movie where it seems as if someone is being injured, he needs to sit by me and we have to talk through in detail how it is all make-believe. Recently, on a trip home with Mad Dog and Full Speed, there was a very bad traffic accident. Having seen the smashed up cars knowing people had been in them made T.Puzzle quiet for a long time after.

In the mornings, on the days Full Speed works out with Mad Dog, T.Puzzle and I sit in silence. We seem to be on the same wavelength. In this perfect silence I sense the totality of him. He is one-third Mad Dog, one-third me and one-third of something else entirely.

How will this wonderful mash-up of a personality unfold?

I have no earthly idea, but am so grateful to be a part of it however it turns out.

One minute frustrated over losing a game…

Snuggling with our dog in the next…

children, health, humor, motherhood

The Birds and the Bees

19/04/2015 WFAM

In a world where children are becoming more sophisticated earlier and earlier, I have been keenly aware of the changes in my boys, namely Full Speed. Yes, his body may not be totally ready to burst into manhood, but I’ve had a feeling for a while now, that complicated questions have been churning in his mind. I’ve always had a healthy sense of denial about the actual ‘birds and bees’ discussion because frankly, I thought I could pawn it off on Mad Dog. Oh, how I loved living on this little island of glorious, ignorant bliss where all I would ever talk to my boys about were sports and movies about sports.

Both Mad Dog and I felt like the time for the serious conversation had arrived. Mad Dog had the brilliant idea of finding some books about the changes boys face (see? I don’t even want to type the word puberty) and giving them to Full Speed since he is an avid reader. This way, he would get all the information he needed and would be a good basis for Mad Dog to have the necessary discussions with him.

Life was so much more simple when books about Elmo ruled

Well, this didn’t go exactly as planned. Full Speed, like his nickname implies, read the books speedily in one sitting. Then, he proceeded to get a stomach bug that night and I was left home alone with him, for an entire day with all these questions swirling about. I did what I had to do. I talked to him about things in such detail it would have made a sailor blush. While I was talking, I sort of had an out-of-body moment as I observed myself saying these almost unspeakable things out loud to my BABY. I was woozy and light-headed. Even though my insides cringed, I kept a calm exterior going. I didn’t need to add to Full Speed’s confused wonderment by being flighty. I had to sit there and I had to say it and I had to act like it was no big deal.

I think we both grew up a lot during this conversation. At times, I felt like I was speaking to the adult version of my son, at other times, I could see the shocked little boy within him. Either way, the timing and the conversation felt right. I left the room knowing that he is armed with the correct information, he knows that his parents are there for his questions no matter how embarrassing and that some of the details of growing up are just plain gross.

All I can say is when it’s T.Puzzle’s turn, Mad Dog…. I happily pass the torch to you.

children, humor, motherhood

Life or Death Football

12/04/2015 WFAM

Imagine long ago the intensity of competition in a gladiator arena. As these men battled for their lives, one could understand that emotions would be volatile. When playing a sport on the beach or in the backyard, I’m not quite understanding a need for such emotional volatility.

My sister and her extremely awesome family came for a visit. While we were staying at the beach, it was only natural that this time would evolve into a sporting event of some sort on the sand. The first game we played was touch football. It was my two nieces and Full Speed vs. myself, T.Puzzle and Mad Dog.

(series of photos showing boys’ near daily, often serious backyard football training)

This may shock you, but I am not very gifted as a football player. I don’t let this stop me because if everyone doesn’t take it too seriously, my lack of skill and poor understanding of what I am supposed to be doing, is actually quite entertaining. Like I said, if you don’t take it SERIOUSLY.

Unfortunately, both my boys take it hard-core seriously. It’s like we are all back in that gladiator arena and if we lose, we DIE.

Thankfully, Mad Dog thinks I’m adorable so when I stink up the field, he happily lets it go. I find wearing short-shorts or extra tight pants helps my cause with him, too.

However, with my boys, you know, the ones I carried in my body for NINE months and gave LIFE to, they have no mercy for their dear, old Mom.

T.Puzzle yelled at me when I dropped a passed. Then, he yelled at Mad Dog for not passing to him and making the awful decision to throw it to me. When Mad Dog did pass it to him and he dropped it, he yet again yelled at Mad Dog for his ‘terrible throw!’. When my super awesome niece, made a super awesome catch that she marched into the end zone, I hugged and congratulated her. T.Puzzle was appalled. “Mom, how could you cheer for the other team!?!” He was so mad he could barely look at me.

On the other side of the field, Full Speed was completely frustrated by his inexperienced teammates. Sometimes, as QB, he would throw it in the sand on purpose instead of risking a throw to one of his unqualified (in his mind) receivers. Then, on the rare occasion my team would score, he would take his anger at this out on T.Puzzle. This could be a late hit, an early hit or any rough hit in between which all are completely illegal in a game of TOUCH football. When one such hit reached an extreme level, I intervened and called a do-over for that down for my team. If looks could kill, Full Speed would have murdered me on the spot.

Mercifully, the game ended and T.Puzzle handled the loss graciously of course. He stalked off the field and refused to play anymore for the rest of our time at the beach. Super fun.

I was so glad that it was over and I said to my sister who had witnessed the game in its entirety, “Wow, my boys and their level of competitiveness is pretty brutal.”

She kindly said, “They are both very passionate and hate to lose. It’s a good thing.”

“Really?” I replied. “Because I just find it annoying!”

If I hadn’t been on the field, I may have found it more amusing than anything else (or if I wasn’t genetically responsible for them). I’m guessing by the time they learn to manage their competitiveness a little better (as Mad Dog has to some degree), I will be too old to play anymore.

Either I need to grow some thicker skin to keep playing now, or wait it out and purchase a beach-compatible motorized wheelchair so I can rain down the thunder thirty years from now.

children, family, gratitude, motherhood, Ohio State Football

The Story of a girl and her Buckeye

19/01/2015 WFAM

This is the story of a midwestern girl. She grew up in a rural town and never thought much beyond the outskirts of the farmlands that surrounded her. On a whim post-graduate school, she moved to Chicago. There, she met a Northwestern matriculating Buckeye. She didn’t think much of football but she did think much of the Buckeye. Quickly, she fell in love. Not so quickly, he did too.

Their romance wasn’t always a fairytale. No matter, the girl followed her heart again and again. On her convoluted path to finding everlasting love with this most handsomest of Buckeyes, she journeyed to Arizona with him to her first Ohio State National Championship game. As fate would have it, they won in a spectacular double overtime fashion.

January 3, 2002 Final Score: Buckeyes 31, Hurricanes 24 (the girl still has the sweatshirt which she stole from her Buckeye) — January 3, 2002
Final Score: Buckeyes 31, Hurricanes 24
(the girl still has the sweatshirt which she stole from her Buckeye)

This prompted the Buckeye to believe in miracles.

He got over himself finally and proposed to the girl.

She said yes.

She married her Buckeye at Disney World that same year.

She didn’t even mind when Mickey had to show some Buckeye spirit. I mean, she was finally married after all. She was in a generous mood.

O-H-I-O

Two, awesome little Buckeyes soon followed. Understanding that her Beloved bled scarlet and gray, the girl agreed to raise their family strictly Buckeye.

the girl, her Buckeye and their first baby Buckeye

Two more National Championships followed. The girl didn’t attend either as she had her little Buckeyes to care for and tickets for such events are a rarity. Both of these ended in heartbreaking losses. Her Buckeye made it to both of these. He likes to pretend he never went as both games stir painful memories for him.

Flash forward to present day and the Buckeyes had done it again. They were ready to take on the Oregon Ducks for the National Title. The girl hoped and prayed that somehow her Buckeye would get to go.

The Wednesday before the game the Buckeye called the girl.

“Are you sitting down?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“We have four tickets to the game.”

“What! FOUR?”

And, that’s when this story starts getting really, really good.

The Buckeye and the girl packed up their little Buckeyes and hit the road. So what if it was 30 hours round trip? This was the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP.

As the weekend unfolded, the anxiety of the pending game was almost too much for the girl to take. She tried to keep her focus on being grateful to spend this adventure with her 3 favorite boys regardless of the game’s outcome. It wasn’t always easy.

Finally, game day arrived. As this little family made their way into the enormous stadium, nerves were at an all-time high. There were Buckeyes EVERYWHERE. It was like they were attending a home game at the ‘Shoe. The band was impeccable, the crowd was electric, the jumbotron was massive,â€¦.it was AWESOME.

As the game commenced and the Ducks methodically marched down the field and scored on their first possession, the littlest Buckeye burst into tears. As the waterworks flowed, his heart lost its ability to believe in a Buckeye victory.

The Buckeyes quickly answered and spirits were lifted instantly but remained precarious until solidly into the second half.

As the fourth quarter began to dwindle, the girl couldn’t believe that she was there. That the Buckeyes were going to win. Her Buckeye was joyous. Her little Buckeyes rejoiced. The whole stadium erupted as the final seconds ticked away.

She was there.

With them.

Celebrating a victory.

Wow.

A once in a lifetime moment.

And, yes, she’d marry her Buckeye all over again.

See you next year!

THE END

Tag: parenting

The Story of a girl and her Buckeye (the Prequel)

The Living, Breathing, Walking, Talking Contradiction

The Birds and the Bees

Life or Death Football

The Story of a girl and her Buckeye