motherhood – Page 32 – Writes for all Mommies

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Change (Your Pants)

19/09/2014 WFAM

Full Speed is approaching double digits. I love the age he is right now. I love the person he is right now. I don’t think he is going to change that much in the few weeks before he actually turns ten, so mostly I am excited to celebrate this milestone with him. My concern has to do with not feeling comfortable discussing the subtle physical and emotional changes he is experiencing and to be honest, a general lack of knowledge about what to expect (where’s the book ‘What to Expect during Puberty’? I need one of those). I’m a social worker at heart so I’m confident that I can talk my way through the most difficult of challenges. We will get through this.

However, I noticed recently that Full Speed seemed, well, let’s just say, fidgety in his pants. There were a lot of hands-on adjustments on his part. I assumed that these adjustments are a natural part of a being a growing boy. I tried to be cool and say things like, ‘that’s fine to do, but privately is the way to go,’ or ‘there’s a time and a place for that and this is not it.’ I didn’t want to make a huge deal out of it for fear of scarring him permanently. He seemed okay with what I said and I thought we were in the clear. We were not.

As we walked to the gym he kept yanking, pulling and tugging at his pants. Finally, I couldn’t take it.

“Full Speed, would you please STOP doing that!”

“But Mom, I’ve had these underpants since I was like five and they are so tiny. They keep riding up my crack and are so uncomfortable!”

I did the only thing I could do. I laughed and laughed and then, laughed some more. I’m pretty sure that was the most healthy approach to this delicate situation.

Up to this point, my boys have always been similar in size and stature. Even when I’ve had to buy them new clothes for length, they often don’t fill them out. It never occurred to me that Full Speed had the audacity to put some meat on his bones therefore requiring larger underwear.

It was a watershed moment. Sometimes all your worries will vanish if you just keep your kids in appropriate sized underwear.

Live and learn, friends. Live and learn.

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting, Uncategorized

BOOM!

02/09/2014 WFAM

Something seemed amiss with my iPhone. It was telling me that I was going to be riding in the car for two hours longer than I thought. Wait a minute! I agreed to ride ten hours to Baltimore, but for some reason, these two extra hours were not sitting well with me. Twelve hours one way made me want to get out of the car immediately. I would rather just live somewhere off of I-95 instead of having ridden in that car for one more second!!

Mad Dog was nonplussed. He had managed to sweet talk me into this road trip to see Ohio State play Navy. There was a lot about this trip that seemed crazy. Driving 20 plus hours in four days, taking the boys out of school and oh, did I mention, it was all for a football game? This may surprise you but I am not a passionate football fan. On the upside, we were able to take the boys to the Naval Academy which was spectacular and watching the entire population of midshipman take the field before kick-off gave me goosebumps. However, I still do not consider this a ‘college visit’, Mad Dog. Yes, we technically visited a college, but no, my seven and nine-year old are not quite ready to enroll (enlist?). Either way, it isn’t happening anytime soon.

As the game started and we watched our Buckeyes struggle, I begin to feel frustrated. To make matters worse, my sensitive nervous system was not handling Navy’s cannon shots well. To signify to the stadium that Navy had scored, regained possession or a quarter ended, their cannon would boom with enthusiasm. It startled me almost every single time. It got to be comical. My boys would warn me it was coming and then, BOOM, I would nearly jump out of my skin. Between the Buckeyes lackluster early performance and feeling like I was being shot by a cannon every five minutes, I was about ready to lose my mind. At one point I considered storming the field to let Urban Meyer know that “Mommy did not just ride TWELVE hours for this and he better rally the team or cannon shots would be the least of his worries!”. Thankfully, while it wasn’t pretty, the Buckeyes managed to pull out a win (Braxton Miller we miss you!).

ry=480 — T.Puzzle’s heart breaks as Navy scores.

Let’s hope the rest of the football season sees more wins, less cannons and lots more shared family experiences! Go Buckeyes!

children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Summer Lessons

16/08/2014 WFAM

This is my first post after an unofficial break. I needed to decide if I should continue or if this blog had run its course. After consulting my massive fan base, all two of you, I decided to carry on. Thanks for continuing to care, to read and to show up for me. My readers are a huge reason I will keep showing up for this blog.

This summer blasted by faster than a Floridian thunder storm. I no sooner got us into a great little routine and then I had to chuck it all in to get the boys ready for 2nd and 4th grade. We had many adventures and a few mishaps. Overall, I truly enjoyed my summer with the boys. I was sad to see it end so quickly.

This is what I learnedâ€¦

1. Don’t try to be too deep with your seven-year old.

Here is an exchange I had with T.Puzzle at the beginning of summer. I was clearly outmaneuvered.

Me: “Do you know what I love the most about you?” (the response is supposed to be ‘Everything’)

T.Puzzle: “My armpits?”

He then went on to argue if I truly do love everything about him, then that means I must love his armpits, too.

2. My fantasy of family game night continues to be a bust. For some reason, I can’t let it go. I keep trying and trying. All three of my boys are WAY too competitive so we end up with STINKY FACES,

CRAZY FACES,

and, eventually, I recruit my dog to play because he is the only one capable of maintaining a CHILL attitude.

3. Raising a family will never be a perfect science. Things rarely go the way you picture them in your mind. Just roll the dice and try to have fun in the process.

Have a great school year Everyone!

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Underdog City

04/06/201404/06/2014 WFAM

In the world of social media, the tendency is to only share the highlights. This is not true to life. Therefore, I am going to be brave and share the real story of Full Speed’s current flag football team. To say they are underdogs is putting it kindly.

Their first game was a 38-6 loss. Not great but we naively thought that we still had a legitimate shot at a victory down the road. Oh, the poor sweet dears we all were then! The next game we lost 65-0. I know it’s hard to imagine that a rec league flag football game could reach a score that high, but reach it did and in spectacular fashion. Our team did not pull one defensive flag, they dropped more snaps than you can shake a stick at and they maybe had two instances of yards gained on offense. Scoring any points at all was a pipe dream and first downsâ€¦.not in this lifetime. It seemed the harder they tried, the more mistakes they made. It was beyond painful to watch. Subsequent games have been more of the same.

At the beginning of the season, Mad Dog had ordered me a football jersey touting my boys’ names. As the weeks wore on and this brutal season unfolded, I was secretly glad it was taking a long time to arrive. When it finally did arrive, I made a bold choice. I would wear my jersey with pride. The first game I wore it to, we lost 60ish-8 (I start to lose count after the other team scores their first few touchdowns). The second game, was a 50ish-6 defeat. So, any magic I was hoping for from the jersey wasn’t happening.

Full Speed’s evolution in this process has been interesting. He went from despondent and apathetic to reaching a level of acceptance. He now faces every game with the understanding that victory is highly unlikely but small successes are attainable. Instead of lamenting about how awful the game was, we focus on the ways he did well. The best part is now he is maintaining a good attitude and effort even when he is losing by a dramatic margin which is pretty much all the time.

Like I told him, if he scores 20 TDs or zero, I am here to support him and wear my jersey with pride.

See you at the fields!

children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

Then I Forgot

17/05/201417/05/2014 WFAM

T.Puzzle is a precarious seven years old. He often loses focus quickly if the activity he is doing doesn’t capture his imagination. If I ask him to feed the dogs, it’s likely that they will be fed in addition to having kibble spread over the entirety of the kitchen floor. When it’s time for him to use his mouthwash, he might ‘accidentally’ dump half a bottle all over the bathroom floor, never even considering for a moment to stop and clean up the minty aftermath. On the bright side, my house now has a freshness about it and remains cavity-free. He also tends to accumulate pounds of sand in his shoes from his outside recess time. He’s been told to dump his shoes out before entering the house, but sometimes, he prefers to empty his shoes in the closet. The list goes on and on.

He was having a particularly off day so it was no surprise that his performance at his flag football game was lackluster. He seemed to be doing a lot of interesting dance moves on the field and not a lot of flag-pulling. In his defense, his dance moves were pretty sweet. After the game, which was a heartbreaking defeat by one point, he bounded over to us because really, as long as you have moves like Jagger, what is there to be sad about? Mad Dog asked him what the coach said about the game and any details about upcoming practices.

“Well, I don’t really know what he said,” T.Puzzle replied.

“Weren’t you listening?” asked Mad Dog.

“I WAS listening and then all I could think about was my snack and then I forgot what he said,” was T.Puzzle’s honest answer.

That made me laugh so hard. After my laughter subsided his comment opened my eyes. How can I be upset with T.Puzzle when he’s being completely and totally himself?

Seven may be fraught with messy distractions, but seriously, it’s T.Puzzle’s best year yet.