Category: self-discovery

mommyhood, self-discovery, self-image/self-acceptance

Happy Blog-a-versary to ME!

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Well, I did it. I completed a year of daily posts. I set the challenge for myself and despite the crazy constraints of motherhood, I did it. To say that I accomplished anything meaningful outside of potty-training and getting my kids to eat broccoli feels pretty amazing. It is proof that I do still have some brain cells intact and that on occasion, I can rally them together and write something entertaining, heartfelt or just plain silly. I have had a very good time.

I think the biggest change for me has been coming to terms with motherhood. I think sometimes when we are unhappy with who we are, we blame our choices and our circumstances. I will admit, especially in the newborn years, I struggled with my all-consuming role as a mother. I thought that maybe if I had made some different choices, like continuing to work or if I was somehow parenting better, I would feel happier. Turns out, it wasn’t my boys or motherhood, it was me. It doesn’t matter what I accomplish outside of motherhood that determines my value, it is ultimately up to me to determine that. Whether I become a world-famous author or if all I manage is to raise two, well-adjusted boys, my value remains constant. I get that now.

Finally.

So, Full Speed and T.Puzzle, keep bringing it. Keep my days filled with unexpected twists, turns and the random loving, moments. I look forward to the challenge.

Thank you for all the friends I have made along the way. I am excited and hopeful for the coming year and have a feeling, Full Speed and T.Puzzle will not disappoint.

Have a great day and celebrate my blog-a-versary! Cheers!

health, kids, life in pictures, mommyhood, self-discovery

Clean Socks

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little Frick and his Legos

The life of a stay-at-home Mom is pretty exciting. I mean between the laundry, the cleaning up and food preparation it’s a wonder I have any time left in my day to blog. Take today for instance. It was action packed (insert sarcasm here). First, I played Legos with little T.Puzzle  (this actually was fun because he was super-giggly) and then in the afternoon I took him to the allergist (this actually was not fun). I told you my life was exciting.

little T.Puzzle snacks while waiting for the doc

Lately I am forgetting that my ‘job’ really is a sum of all its parts. Every sock I wash and put away and every frozen waffle I prepare (I know I am a culinary genius!) are all leading up to something greater. I’m raising children to become what I hope are kind, caring and self-fulfilled adults. When I say it like that, then who am I to defy the laundry gods another round of clean socks?

I don’t struggle with the value of what my job means overall. I do struggle with the seemingly mundane tasks that it sometimes entails. I know at the end of the motherhood trail the journey will be worth it; I’m just not in the mood to vacuum my way there.

children, life in pictures, mommyhood, self-discovery

The Little T.Puzzle That Could

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When we were at the beach and precariously attempting to navigate the two blocks to the restrooms, I had a strange moment of observational clarity. I was feeling frustrated with little T.Puzzle because he was lollygagging behind and then to slow matters even more, one of his crocs slipped from his foot.

nine month old T.Puzzle

“My croc!” he yelled, and then proceeded to take an eternity to retrieve it and place it back on his foot. Once the croc was correctly placed he determinedly rose red-faced from the sand and swiftly marched (and I mean MARCHED) to catch up with me. As I watched his arms and legs pump forward I felt admiration and a pause of understanding. If I were three years old in this big, big world I bet that I would hit a few bumps and meltdowns as I made my way, too.

In this moment I saw little T.Puzzle’s stubborn streak as a gift because I know that once we channel it for good, he will make his own way. Then I will have an even harder parenting task than anything I have faced thus far.

I will have to let him.

me and little T.Puzzle, took this pic myself
grief, loss of parent, self-discovery

Mother’s Day

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I’m not too keen on celebrating Mother’s Day this year since I no longer have a mother. To counteract my sad little funk I thought I would share a couple of fun pics of my Mom.

This first photo is of her enjoying our last, big family trip to Disney World. The background is dark because we were in the tunnels of ‘It’s a Small World’. She’s smiling because my boys were so into it and because she was happy. Happy to have so many loved ones in one place.

The second is a fun photo of her by a Ben and Jerry’s sign. Ice cream, hot dogs and baseball were possibly the only things she loved almost as much as her family. You could always keep her happy with a turtle sundae or a cone filled with butter pecan.

So, today is Mother’s Day. If you are a Mom I celebrate you for doing one of the hardest jobs in the world. If you still have a Mom, give her a call, a card or a present of thanks. Enjoy your day!

children, mommyhood, self-discovery

Why??

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This is my pet peeve; telling me you don’t have to use the bathroom when asked point blank and then five minutes later announcing you have reached emergency bathroom status. Both boys were in the truck and we were on our way to Tae Kwon Do. We were running late and Full Speed exclaims “I really have to pee!”

Like a fool I start to argue with him (meaning why reason with someone who is five years old and who is just doing their best at existence?). “Why didn’t you say you had to go when we were in your class not FIVE minutes ago? Why did you wait until I have you both buckled in to tell me you had to go? Did your need to pee really increase that much from there to here? Did it? DID IT?”

Full Speed looks confused and highly uncomfortable by my angry questioning. I get a grip and stop asking. I make a snap decision. My decided upon plan could go flawlessly or let’s just say there would be a ‘contaminated area’ in the back of my truck, we’d have to skip Tae Kwon Do and spend the rest of our evening sanitizing Full Speed and his car seat. I hop in the front seat and for me (which isn’t very), drive aggressively the two minutes to Tae Kwon Do. I pull up to the studio, heave the bag of all their stuff over my shoulder, grab the boys and we race at top speed (which is more like speed walking in a rickety fashion) and manage to get Full Speed to the bathroom without incident (he also thankfully did not lock himself in there).

No matter how many questions I ask in the hopes of changing what is unchangeable, the answer remains the same; boys will be boys and their Mom will drink cocktails.