Tag: hope

children, mommyhood, self-discovery

Who We Really Are

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Have you ever pondered why the only prerequisite to parenthood is that you are human?  So many of us eventually have children whether by choice, miracle or accident. How do you know if you are any good at it? How much of how your children turn out falls on your shoulders? I wrestle with these thoughts all the time.  Is my boys’ behavior, both good and bad, a direct result of me? Or, are they just who they are and they happened to fall into my family much like a lottery winner stumbles upon their fortune?

Parenting is not black or white. It doesn’t tidy-up into neat compartments of do this or don’t do that. Each child is unique as are the parents, the environment, genetics,…. the variables are infinite.

I know I am succeeding in many areas of parenting and falling short in others. As I have learned from my own parents and now am starting to truly believe, parenting mistakes aren’t the end of the world. Maybe, just maybe, despite all the mistakes that I might be making as a parent, T.Puzzle and Full Speed may turn out alright after all. Maybe it’s the mistakes that will show them who they really are. I already know they are fantastic, but it’s up to them to discover that for themselves.

kids, mommyhood, self-discovery

Life Balance

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The boys had been home all day. This is a recipe for disaster. Mad Dog had wanted to watch his Steelers in the afternoon and I went to see a movie. When I returned home, swords were flying, T.Puzzle was crying in spurts and the energy level within our home had reached a dangerous level. Since the football game was winding down I suggested we take them to dinner.

We decide to take them to the recently opened Panera. The boys are wild once we are inside and I have to drag them to a booth so Mad Dog can order in peace. They are boisterously loud with their assorted cars and train engines. I try to shush them to no avail.

“Mom, it’s the CARS that are being loud, not US,” explains Full Speed.

Whatever.

The food comes and T.Puzzle decides he hates his food and his drink. He is shimmying up and down and all around the booth. I’m trying to breathe deeply to cope. All I really want to do is staple him to his seat and force him to eat his overpriced grilled cheese. Alas, no stapler is handy so,……deep breaths instead.

“Mom, I have a surprise for you when we get home,” says Full Speed.

“Is it a nanny?” I ask.

“No, it’s my soccer game,” he replies. I know that sounds adorable but the soccer game is one that he got in his stocking and he doesn’t like it. It frustrates him because he can’t master it. Therefore he is constantly “giving” it to me and his brother.

I had that moment in the booth where I wished my life was different. I wished my boys were calm and mild-mannered. I wished that I could eat a meal from start to finish without having to pay a babysitter or wait until nine o’clock at night to do so. I wished that my boys shared their thoughts and emotions in quiet tones and only cried because they were genuinely sad and not genuinely throwing a manipulative tantrum (such as the one T.Puzzle was currently presenting to me).

Those wishes are far off and possibly may never happen. All I have to survive on is the hope that someday I will find my equilibrium in motherhood and that the personal sacrifices I have made (and they are different for every Mom and every caretaker out there) are worth it. Keep reading and let’s hope that together we find that balance in all our lives….

children, humor, mommyhood

Job Hazard

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I decided to keep Full Speed home again (much to the detriment of my own personal sanity as T.Puzzle was home, too). Full Speed still had a temp in the middle of the night and didn’t eat much breakfast. Not much I could do except prepare myself for a day of fighting, chaos and bickering.

Mid-morning I decide that Full Speed is well enough to ride in the truck with his brother so I can pick up our newly upholstered barstools. Several months back, in an attempt to make my life easier, Mad Dog had ordered the barstools on-line. They were absolutely perfect in terms of matching our décor, the only limitation was that the cushions were a creamy, cloth white. Before I even write it you know it was not a good fit for two boys. In a matter of days, even though I had diligently stain-guarded them, they were a road-map of every food the boys ate. They looked gross so it was a great thing that they were now recovered in a sturdy, faux-leather vinyl.

When me and the boys arrive at the upholstery place, I pull the truck around back, put the boys’ windows down and open the rear hatch.

“Full Speed, I’m going to run inside to grab the stools. I’ll only be a couple minutes,” I say.

I can already see the fear playing at the corners of his eyes. “Who’s going to keep an eye on me and T.Puzzle? I don’t want you to leave us alone!”

“You’ll be here with your brother and I’ll be right around the corner.” End of discussion and I head into the building (it’s attached to a house and we are in the driveway, I can still see the truck at all times so I know they will be safe).

Before I have a chance to do anything, Full Speed starts a complete meltdown. Me and the owner rush to the truck.

“I thought, in theory, it would be easier for everyone if they stayed put. I didn’t know what kind of trouble they would get into if I brought them inside,” I explain.

“Oh, I completely understand,” she says. The way she says it makes me think she might understand my plight more than the average person.

“Let me guess, are you the mother of boys?” I ask.

“They are grown men now but I remember how hard it was. And, boys, let me tell you are something else.” She has a bit of a chuckle hidden in her words.

“Well it’s nice to talk to someone who has come through the other side of raising boys and seems to be doing okay.”

“I don’t know about that, look at my hair.” I glance at her hair and it is pure snow-white. Hazard of the job I suppose.

children, humor, mommyhood, parenting

Heads or Tails?

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The FWe are at Dave & Busters for Full Speed’s official birthday celebration. We have an assortment of family and friends and the air is filled with happy sounds. We have bravely placed all the kids ranging in age from 2 through 13 at one table. My friend, who is also the Mom of two boys, quickly surveys the table for possible weapons and promptly removes all the knives from the place settings. It’s like watching a combustible science experiment as the kids clamor about each trying to talk louder than their neighbor.  They are clearly having a blast.

My friends with their two month old and three year old daughters arrive soon after everyone has placed their orders. Therefore, as a majority of the party is finishing up their food, these friends still have food left to eat. Since I remember what it’s like having a new baby (barely, believe me, I have purposefully blocked a majority of it out) I plan to linger and hold the baby so my friend can finish her food. She didn’t ask me because she’s a Mom and Moms never ask for help. I do it because I want to. I remember how all I wanted in the world when my boys were tiny was a chance to eat my food in peace. I still haven’t achieved that level of nirvana yet (my boys can still be rather high maintenance at restaurants). I’m a lot closer than I used to be. I have hope.

Mad Dog grabs Full Speed and heads towards the gaming area of Dave & Buster’s with the group. He looks at me holding the teeny, tiny baby and says, “Who’s got T.Puzzle?” I know he means for someone to watch him because he clearly wants to play man-to-man defense with the boys. However, I’m holding a baby, give me a freakin’ minute! The F@

Eventually, Mad Dog pawns T.Puzzle off on Grandma (I know she doesn’t mind in the least). As they depart, my friend and I marvel at how men are conditioned to only watch one child at a time. That is so not an option for Moms. We’ve got all kids all the time. Unless of course tomorrow I decide I’m only going to care for one boy at a time.

It might go something like this. I would say, “Go get Mommy a quarter, Full Speed. It’s time to decide who Mommy watches today. Heads or Tails?”

children, health, mommyhood, potty training

Drive Like the Wind

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birthday hatEverything in my body hurts again and worse than it did yesterday. Fortunately, Full Speed was at school for the day (I brought in cupcakes for him to celebrate his birthday with his class – check out his cool hat) and T.Puzzle was surprisingly well mannered throughout the day.

The drop off of Full Speed was a little harried. Full Speed’s  class was heading back to the other side of the building for their ‘specials’ class (art, music, movement and such). I normally get him there well before they head out but I was sub-par today and wasn’t very timely.

T.Puzzle got nervous and confused in the melee of five year olds. He got turned around and I took my eyes off of him for a second to give Full Speed a goodbye smooch and he darted out the door into the main lobby. He attached himself to a woman who had on a similar pair of pants since that is what is at his eye level, and was ready to go with her for the day. I managed to snatch him up before he exited the building. Whew!

Grandma was entering just as we were leaving. She had to pick up Lil’ Superman (the boys’ three year old cousin) for a doctor’s appointment. As soon as T.Puzzle recognized his Grandma he drops my hand like a dead fish and says, “Bye, Mommy. I go to Grandpa’s house (he still calls her Grandpa which is highly entertaining).”

After a few screaming moments when the realization sunk in that he was going with Mommy and not Grandma, we head back home.

Thankfully, he recovered nicely and even took a two and a half hour nap! Thank, God.

sweet frickity frick

I’m almost to bedtime (boys are watching a show as I tap this out) and sincerely hope Mad Dog is home soon to assist me. Drive like the wind Mad Dog, drive like the wind!

P.S.- Mad Dog did get home in time to bathe the boys (yay!) and put them to bed (double yay!). I don’t know what was more amusing. The odd noises coming from upstairs (yelps and shouts) before the bath or a completely naked Full Speed running downstairs to animatedly tell me about T.PUzzle’s unfortunate use of my bedroom carpet as a toilet (just pee this time). Mad Dog handled it all graciously. Thank you.